I Matter

I matter

My hopes matter

My dreams matter

What I like and don’t like matters

My thoughts matter

My feelings matter

Who I am matters

Who I long to be matters

Who I love matters

What I long to do matters

What I love to do matters

My goals matter

My intuition matters

My job matters

My life matters

All of me matters – inside and out

 

All women matter

 

 

 

I Love Sending Christmas Cards

I don’t know why,  but I love to sending Christmas cards.  Some people call me crazy.  Some people think I am too in depth.  Some people think I spend too much time and or money.  I don’t care.  I love to do it!

I am very picky about the Christmas cards I send.  I don’t send cheap cards.  The cards I send have to have a nice picture on the front and a meaningful saying on the inside.  The cards I send hold a special meaning to me and I hope they mean something special to the receiver.  I am sending a part of myself and what I believe and what I hold deep in my heart.  I want them to be special.

I usually buy special pens to write on the inside with.  Sometimes I buy silver and gold pens and sometimes I buy red and green pens.  They can’t be any pen.  They have to feel nice in my hand and they have to write nice.  This year I didn’t like the silver and gold pens I bought so I used red and green pens I had at home instead.    I usually write the name of the person(s) in red, then I write Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in green and then I write love, steve and chrissy in red or vice versa.  Sometimes I do write special messages inside, but usually I don’t.

I usually address the front of the card with regular black or  blue ink, but in the middle of the back of the envelope I stamp a saying or picture.  This year I stamped a snowman holding up its arms and above his arms is a heart.  To me it looks like the snowman is giving the heart to the person who opens the envelope.

I love sending cards because I think it sets a good tone to the start of the Christmas season.  To me sending cards is sending love.  I’m letting the person know I am thinking of them this holiday season and that I love them.

I wrote out 29 cards today and I am not finished.  I send special cards to my mom, sister and her family and my brother and my other brother and his girlfriend.  I always give the mail man a card with $20 dollars in it.  I’m sending out more cards this year than I normally would because I think with all of tragedies that happened this year the world needs more love, more happy moments, more smiles, more giving and more caring.

Today I’m sending you, my beloved readers, virtual hugs, love and warm holidays wishes for a very happy holiday season. Thanks so much for reading my blog, your comments, for sharing your stories with me and for helping me grow and become a better person and writer.  Your support means more than you know.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Love, Chrissy

 

 

 

 

Girl On Fire

What I loved most about this years Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is Angelica Hale from America’s Got Talent singing “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keyes.  9 years old and kicking butt!

I love the parade.  It always inspires me because almost everyone in the parade is living their dreams.  The musicians and dancers.  The actors and actresses.  The screenwriters and playwrights.

If they are living their dreams why can’t I live mine?

I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple of days.  Why can’t I?  I think that part of my problem is that I don’t have a specific goal.  I know I want to be an author but I don’t have any specific goals.  I want to get my essays and short stories published and I would love to write the final draft of my romance novel, but I don’t have any specific goals.  Goals that I write down on paper and achieve.   Goals that I work toward every time I sit down to write.  I don’t know why I don’t write down my goals.  I have goals in my head.  Floating around in my head.  Sometimes they are close.  Sometimes they are far away.

I need to get my office (my half of our office) in order.  I have a stack of papers for my blog on one side of my desk.  Old blog posts that I have typed and need to file.  Partially written blog posts that I need to file or finish.  Magazine articles and other stuff I find interesting to possibly write about in future blog posts.  I keep piling stuff on the pile and not dealing with it.  On the other side I have notes, a notebook and two folders for my first draft for NaNoWriMo.  (I wrote a couple of scenes over the past week).  I would like to have a clean desk.

I think I have a lot of stuff that I don’t need on my bookshelf.  Notebooks and notepads.  I love notebooks.  I usually write the 1st draft of my posts in a notebook of some kind.  College ruled.  Spiral works best for me and preferably with a pocket.  I have a notebook in my office, in the living room, in my truck and in my locker at work.  The goal for my bookshelf is to have all of my writing projects on the shelves so I can easily see and access them.  If I write notes for a project I can easily file the notes or grab it and work on it.

I realized this weekend that I don’t have any rhyme or reason to my desk.  It holds my computer, keyboard, mouse and piles of paper.  Because my desk is a mess I have no idea where I am with my writing projects.  My goal for my desk is that I would love to be able to walk into my office and start working instead of looking at it and mumbling “WTF!”

What is in my head and what is in my office are far apart.  I’ve been putting off dealing with my office issues because I was hoping we were moving and I would have my own office.  That didn’t happen so I need put my big girl pants on and deal with what I have.  A very disorganized writing life….and then I wonder why I don’t accomplish anything.

I want my office to have only what I need in it and not what I think I might use some day.  I get distracted by my stuff.  I have a lot of “things” in my office instead of a lot of writing.  This definitely needs to change.  I want to have a place for everything in my office and everything in it’s place.

Right now this girl is definitely not on fire, but I would like to be.  I think I’m going to use “Girl on Fire” as my 2018 mantra.   I want to be able to describe and/or think of myself as a girl on fire.   Moving toward her goals and not letting anyone stop her.  I’m going to put this on my bulletin board (which only has a picture of snoopy hugging woodstock on it.  I know.  Sad.  It could be used for so much more) and look at it every day.

A girl on fire who writes everyday.  That’s me.

What is your mantra for 2018?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

QP Hey Ladies I Have A Secret

Warning:  If you don’t like to read about menopause, making love or woman’s anatomy then this post isn’t for you.  Please don’t read any further.

Normally I wouldn’t write about my sex life or my anatomy, but if it can help other women get their groove back sexually then I feel I have to share my story.

Many of you know that after menopause making love just isn’t the same.  In my world I felt that my head didn’t communicate with vagina anymore.  I used to be wet and ready in a heartbeat.  Now it takes a day and half and lube.  Making love used to be wonderful.  Now it hurts.  I used to be twenty pounds lighter.  Now I feel like a fat, unsexy old woman.  Making love used to be fun.  Now it’s work.

While at the Barrett Jackson car show in Las Vegas a couple of weeks ago I saw a Purlife booth.  Purlife bracelets use a combination of natural elements that releases negative ions to help balance your body (this is taken straight from the brochure).  Anyway, the bracelet is something my husband’s friend swears by.  My husband and I have always wanted to try wearing the baracelet so we each each bought one.

I wore mine for about a week and a half when I started to feel wet in my vagina area.  I was amazed because this hasn’t happened to me a long, long time.  It was like my head was speaking to my vagina again.   A week later I was feeling horny and actually wanted to make love.  I felt kinda like I did before menopause kicked in.   I felt like a sexual human being.  I was dreaming about making love and wanting to experiment with new positions.  I really wasn’t that conscious about my weight because my husband loves me the way I am.  I’m still fat, but I’m not concentrating on how fat I feel.

Honestly, I don’t know if it was the bracelet or not.  I’m thinking it was.  I don’t know what else it could be.   I’m not saying it will work for you, but it might.  It’s pricey, but it’s almost Christmas and I think it’s worth every penny.

I got my groove back and I’m thrilled.

So is my husband.

 

P.S.  the QP I wrote before the title means Quick Post.  I think if I like something or if something works for me I’m going to write a quick post about it and share it with you all.  I’ll mark these posts with QP in the title.

 

Week 1 NaNoWriMo Things Learned

821 words typed on Wed.                                                                                                                  1,968 Thurs.                                                                                                                                              1,727 Fri.                                                                                                                                                         0 Sat.          I wrote a couple of scenes in long hand but didn’t type anything.                       979 Sun.                                                                                                                                                  1,152 Mon.                                                                                                                                                   933 Tues.

7,580 Total for the week.

My goal for the week was 11,900 words.

I’m 4,320 words short.   Sure, I would have liked to hit my goal.  I didn’t, but l’ll share what I learned with you.

  1.   I’m still a super star even though I fell short of my goal.  I’m not going to beat myself up over it.   I’m proud of myself for starting and getting as far as I did.  I think that’s the most words I’ve ever written in a single week.

2.  I’ve haven’t been able to write in the morning.  I write when I get home.  Originally            I wanted to write in the morning, but that hasn’t worked.   For some scary reason I           look forward to writing when I get home.  What sucks is that my work probably                  suffers because I’m thinking about my characters and writing notes.  I’ve been                    taking the first ten minutes of my lunch break and my last break to start                               writing the scene I want to continue on later on that night.  I’ve been so engrossed              in my writing on my last ten minute break that I’ve been late coming back from                  break.  Whoops!  How am I suppose to return to work when my characters are                    still talking to me??????

     3.  This morning (actually yesterday morning…don’t ask) I’m writing this post long                  hand while I’m waiting to get my oil changed (stealing bits of time).  I’m finding it              difficult to write my post and write my 1,700 words, but I keep plunging                                forward.  Even if I write some of my words in longhand and don’t get to type it, I’m            still counting that as writing. I just didn’t get to type it so it doesn’t get added in to               my typed total for the day.

      4.  I’m stuck.  I could have wrote more words last night but I don’t know what                           direction I want to go in so I have to read through my notes and figure out my                     direction.  I’ve been writing notes and partial scenes for the last year and sticking               them in a file folder so my direction is somewhere in the file.  I just (I love the                     word just. I know it probably has no meaning and it may irritate some of you, but I         always use it.  I know it’s one habit I need to kick) have to find it.

5.  I have a haircut appointment tomorrow,  a acupuncture appointment on Friday                 and I’m going shopping with my mom, sister and niece for the weekend.  Also, we               are on 10 hours mandatory overtime starting today.  F*ck!  (Sorry)   My word                       count might suck for this week, but I will do my best.

6.  I’ve decided it’s not about the word count for me.  It’s about the experience.  It’s                  about learning things about myself and my characters. It’s about pushing me out                of my comfort zone and expanding my horizons.  It’s about making time to do                      what I love.  It’s about being gentle with myself instead of being a slave driver.  If                it takes me til Dec. 15th to get to 50,000 words then it does and that’s ok.

7.   If I haven’t read or commented on your blog I’m sorry.  Time is an issue                                  right now.  I try to read and comment when I can.  I just didn’t want anyone to                    think I forgot about them.  I’ll try to get back on schedule soon.

8.  I’m not having a hard time writing my 1,700 words.  It’s more of a time issue.                        What I’m having an issue with is what to do with all of the ideas for other projects              or blog posts that interrupt me while I’m writing my word count.   As I have                          mentioned before this has always been an issue for me and I have stopped                           writing because I didn’t know how to deal with the overflow of ideas coming to                   me.  I’m trying to work through this, but it’s still hard.  What I have been doing is               jotting down notes and putting them in a file folder (I love file folders!  I don’t buy             cheap or plain.  They have to have a cute design.  I’m a little anal when it comes to               my file folders) so after NaNoWriMo is over I have a starting point.

8.  I know this post is not probably going to come out in total paragraph form                            because of the numbers.  It didn’t.  I realized today that there is a preview button                at the top of  my page.  I never knew that little guy was up there.  There’s always                something  new to learn.  Yes, my page is screwed up. Sorry about that.  Don’t                      have  time to fix it right now.  I have to shower and go to my haircut appointment.              Crap, I still need to dry my jeans.  Gotta run.

9.  One more thing…doing this NaNoWriMo is fun.  I don’t have to worry about                         spelling, punctuation, sentence structure or paragraphing.  It’s great!

 

Thanks for reading and enjoy your day!!

 

 

 

 

 

Mental Talk

Did I take my morning medication?                                                                                              Maybe I should stop writing and go to the grocery store                                                              I wonder what the temp is outside                                                                                                      Is it still raining?  Maybe I should go look.

No! I tell myself.  Stay in your chair.  Keep writing.  You only have 1,200 more words to go.  I sigh and continue writing.

We should really cut the grass at the trailer today and rake the leaves.  Maybe I should call Steve if he wants to go.                                                                                                                  I wonder what laundry needs to be done.                                                                                        Did the mail come yet?  Maybe I should go look

Keep writing.  Keep going.  You only have 700 more words to write.  Ok. Ok.  I’ll continue.

Did I pay the Citi Card bill?                                                                                                                  I’m hungry.  Maybe I should make something to eat.                                                                      I wonder how my brother’s MRI went.   I wonder if my mom is home.  Maybe I should call her.                                                                                                                                                    I’m sick of overtime.  Maybe I should take a day a vacation this week to write.

Finally I’m done.  1,700 words.  It’s about time.  I didn’t think I could do it today.

I’m exhausted.  It’s hard to write and talk yourself into staying in your chair.  Sometimes I feel like a five year old in kindergarten who only likes recess.

 

 

 

 

 

NaNoWriMo Update

I decided I’m going to do NaNoWriMO!!

I’ve been going back and forth for the last couple of weeks whether to attempt NaNoWriMo or not because I have so many unfinished writing projects.  I decided what the heck? I might as well go for it.  What’s another unfinished writing project?

I know there will be some days or many that I won’t be able to write 3,000 words, but at least I can try.  I can’t wait to see what I come up with at the end of the month.  Will my original idea stay on track and with the ending I’ve written notes about or will it veer off into a totally different direction?  I hope to stay on track.  Over the last couple of months I’ve written notes on almost every chapter so I can’t really see myself veering off track, but as we all know anything is possible.

I’m interested to see how my brain works over the course of 30 days.  The closer the deadline comes the more I ask myself what if something comes up, when will I time if we continue to be on ten hours of overtime, what if, what if, what if?   Then later on, when I’m calm, I feel confident and know that I can do this.

I can’t wait to get my characters out of my head, on paper and let them live!  These characters have been running around in my head for the last couple of months and they need to leave.  I’m hoping to write my 3,000 words in the morning before work and then to let my ideas simmer in my head until my last break pr when I get home and I can write an outline of what I want to write the next day.

The main character of my novel is a greedy, arrogant man who lives in a world where money and prestige are the only things that matter.  He’s not married and comes home to an empty house every night.  The only people he is close to is his housekeeper, his butler and his secretary.  He doesn’t have time for his only sister and brother in law or niece or nephew because he needs to make money so he can keep up his status.  Of course, his world falls down around him and he realizes he doesn’t know who his sister is.  He doesn’t know her favorite color or food to eat.  He isn’t comfortable with admitting his sister isn’t as rich as he is nor does she have the status he has.  Over the course of the novel he comes to realize that money isn’t everything and you can’t do anything with it after you are dead!

That’s all I’m giving away for now.  I’m thinking about posting the opening scene/first chapter to see what your opinion is, but we’ll see about that.  I hate the fact that I feel the scene in my head is so great and then when I get it on paper I don’t feel the same way.  Sometimes not even close.  Do you feel this way too?  I wonder why that is.

I’m going to go read through the rest of my notes before I go to bed and try to get them in some kind of order.  I have the notes for the first couple of chapters in order, but after that my notes are a mess.

Wednesday is the November 1st and the start date to begin my novel.  I’ll try to post something on that day.  Also, I’ve been tossing around the idea of doing some quick posts (QP) on my non posting days.  There I go again getting ahead of myself.  Oh well…..

Happy November!  Happy Novel Writing!