What Impact Am I Having?

I have never been to a funeral where I felt so much love in the room as I did last week at my brother in law W’s funeral.

I.didnt know W well. To me, he was always very gruff and crabby. Hard to talk to. Hard to get to know.

W had cerebral palsy and his left arm was smaller than his right. He didnt have a traditional job. He scrapped metal, plowed snow and cut grass for a living.

Every morning and evening he would have coffee at local restaurants. He was an fixture at these restaurants

Over the course of three hours at the visitation at least 10 people told.me that he would be missed. I’ve never experienced this outpour of love before. I could feel the love people had for W in the room.

People loved him. During the three hour visitation at the funeral home there was only two times that there weren’t people lined up to offer the family their.condolences.

The love in that room was amazing. Heart felt. Humbling. I felt grateful to be there to share it.

But it also made me think.

Will there be that much love at my funeral?

What impact am i having on people in the city i live in and beyond?

Am I helping people?

What is my purpose in life? Am I achieving this purpose?

Its four am and I am up thinking about the impact I am having on other people’s lives. I hope I am and that’s its positive.

I am kinda sad that I didnt know W better. That I didnt try to get past those gruff layers to see who he really was.

I thimk I missed out on knowing a great man.

Rest in.peace W. Thanks for helping me realize how much kindness and love really do matter.

You touched a lot of peoples lives and made their world a happier place.

I hope I am doing the same.

115 Days

It’s snowing.

Again.

Usually on December 1st I start counting. 90 days of winter and snow and ice and cold. 90 days til its starts getting warmer. 90 days til March.

Since its snowing today, I’m changing my philosophy to 115 days.

Crap!

We are in a winter weather advisory until 3 pm this afternoon. The county plows just drove by as they salt the roads.

This sucks.

I saw Santa in Kohls on Sunday. I’m blaming him.

Santa shouldn’t be in the stores until after Thanksgiving and it shouldn’t snow until after Thanksgiving.

I think it’s going to be a long winter.

I did wash my winter jacket which I will be wearing today. We are burying my brother in law this morning. He died of a massive heart on Friday.

Wish me luck.

Happy New Month

This morning I was thinking negative thoughts. It’s cold. I’m up way too early. Two months til Christmas. I need to start buying presents. I have too many errands to do before work and I dont feel like it. I’m tired.

I read the words below on facebook a half hour ago and I love what it says.

Happy new month.

These words put a little spring in my step.

A new month. A new start. A new way of looking at things.

New possibilites.

What a great way to look at things.

What a great way to start the month.

What a great way to start the day.

Happy new month everyone!! ❤❤

Happy Halloween!

Running out of chocolate. Now that’s scary.

This is what my Dove chocolate wrapper said last night.

I couldn’t agree more.

I can guarantee you that no one in my city is going to run out of chocolate tonight.

I dont think there will be many kids trick or treating tonight.

This is what outside looks like right now.

The snow is supposed to stop at 3 pm. Trick or treat starts at 4 pm. The low for tonight is 22 degrees.

Poor kids. And parents.

This is the third time in the last 150 years that it snowed on Halloween. We are breaking a record today.

The only good thing is that there will be a ton of Halloween candy on clearance tomorrow. 😊

Have a great day everyone!

Happy Halloween.

Not Ready

This is what was waiting for me when I went outside yesterday morning.

I’m not ready for this.

Last night after work I had to scrape my windshield and turn on my heated seats.

It’s too early for this.

This is what I saw when I left work tonight

I don’t know if you can see the snow falling in either of these pictures but it is. 1 to 3 inches of snow is suppose.to fall overnigjt.

Not ready! Not ready for the cold. It’s 32 degrees. Not ready for the snow.

I know what I am doing this weekend. I’m getting washing both my winter coats and some mittens and getting my boots out!!!!

Things

I keep things. Newspaper clippings. Magazines. Magazine articles. Old journals. Story ideas. Among other things.

I either don’t have time to read the magazines so they pile up or I can’t figure out to do with the other stuff so I keep moving it. The items were in a box when we moved, then in a drawer, then in a cute metal bin under the coffee table.

Now the items are laying on the living room floor.

I keep magazines. I dont know why. I keep them even if there isn’t anything on the front cover that interests me. Even if I don’t have time to read them.

I keep them.

Maybe I’m afraid I’m going to miss something if I dont read it from cover to cover. An article that might help me on my journey. A word that I need to hear. A picture that touches my heart.

Out of 20 magazines today, I didnt keep any. I paged through some of them. I ripped out 5 pages and I’m going to put them in a file of interesting things. I put the magazines in the thrift store box.

This leads me to the pile of papers on the floor. An old journal. A bracelet I no longer wear. Non winning lottery tickets that need to be sent in for the 2nd chance drawing. Pictures. Among other things.

My goal for tonight is to get through this pile. It’s not big, but I have to make decisions. Decisions that I have been putting off for a long time. I dont know why.

Yes, I do. I didn’t want to make a decision. There were other piles of clutter I needed to deal with first. I had to get to work. It was christmas. We were on 10 hours of overtime. My husband and I were going to vegas or the trailer.

You get the point….

I was stalling.

What I’ve realized about this clutter is that it is clogging my life. My mind. My space. My psyche. Even though it’s not alot, but it’s still clogging me and my space.

What I have learned while getting rid of stuff lately is that I liked the clutter around so I would have an excuse not to go after my dreams. As I let go, I realized I was hiding.

As I let go, I also found the strength to look at my dreams and figure out what ones I wanted to keep and what ones I need to let go of. Of the direction I want to go in.

As I let go, the more of myself I found. I’m happier. More focused. More myself.

There’s more to stuff than just stuff. Its emotional. Its messy. It’s full of feelings, memories and dreams.

I called in sick today and I’m glad I did. I love these quiet days of reflection and self care. Time to figure things out and take naps.

I feel my life changing. Going in a different direction. Getting closer to who I really am.

I’m proud of myself for how far I have come.

As I let go of more stuff and get things organized, I’m excited to see where life takes me next.

I’ll keep you posted.

100 Item Fall Clean Out

It’s fall and I’m cleaning house.

Yes, again.

I don’t know why but I have a bug in my butt to get rid of 100 more items.

Yes, 100.

Last weekend I went through my winter clothes. 18 items went in a box. Jeans that I dont like. T shirts that I no longer wear. Underwear that were never worn, but I got for free. A bra I don’t like.

Clutter. Even if it’s in a drawer, its clutter.

I would like to get down to the bare minimum. What is the bare minimum for me? I dont know. I will know it when I feel it.

Yes, I did say feel.

It’s not so much my stuff, but how I feel around my stuff. Am I happy? Does it make me smile? Does it fulfill me?

The clothes I put in the box weren’t a yes for any of the above. I dont know if I wrote about this or not, but my hairstylist donates free haircuts to a women who helps people down on thie luck find a job. This woman also collects clothing for them. So I’m donating my clothes to this woman. I feel good about this.

18 items gone.

I also took 6 items to the consignment shop and 6 items and magazines and some other stuff I don’t count in my totals to the thrift store.

12 more items gone.

30 in total.

I also put 6 items on marketplace. I will add these if they sell.

I have 70 more to go.

That seems like a lot, but it really isn’t. I just need to be honest with myself about what speaks to me and what doesn’t and then be willing to let it go….

Next is my dining room cabinets. They have been my dumping ground. I know I said I wasn’t going to do it, but I did anyway The good thing is that the cabinets aren’t as big as the hutch was at the old house.

Someday I will have this clutter thing under control. Until then I will keep letting go.

Have a great day everyone!