Feeling Uninspired

For the last two weeks I have been feeling uninspired. I try to write a blog post but can’t make myself do it. So instead of writing something I’m going to show you some pics of the changes we’ve made to our yard.

We have been working in the yard taking out stumps and flowering Bush things that the previous owner left but I dont want. The front of the house was overgrown and I just want a simple clean design. I want to start from scratch and put what I want in the front of the house.

Here’s the border we put around the flagpole. We used blocking that the previous owners left behind.

The old tractor tire used to be around the flagpole. So far we took out all the trees in front and on the side of the house.

It looks totally different. We just have a couple of more stumps to take out and then we can plant grass and landscape.

I’m really proud of the work we have done creating our little space. I love it!

Maybe I’ll Get A Three Day

I shot my mouth off tonight at work tonight. Maybe I will get a three day.

Management left a skid of plastic coffee cups with lids tonight with our logo on by the lunchroom just before 8 PM break. At break people ran to get the cups. What pissed me off was that some people were taking four or five. I yelled “you guys should only be taking one. There are other people on 2nd and 3rd shift is coming in in two hours.” They didn’t listen. They just kept taking. And taking…

These are the same people who took the free polo shirts yesterday. Grabbed them all up til they were all gone. One of the girls walked away with four polos.

I shouldn’t have yelled at the people I yelled at but I did. Why do people think that just because the sign says free you can take as many as they want?

Doesn’t anyone know how to share anymore? Is that hard to realize that there are more people than yourself who might want one?

I wasn’t raised like that.

You dont have to take stuff because it’s free. If you dont need it dont take it. Or if you dont think you are going to use it dont take it. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out.

These people really pissed me off tonight. I’ll find out tomorrow if they told on me. I really don’t care. Someone needed to say something. And that someone was menopausal me.

Maybe I will get a three day. That would be a nice mini vacation. I could go to the trailer. I could stay home.

I dont know why I’m thinking that. It’s never going to happen. I might get talked to. Wishful thinking on my part.

Ok. I’m done bitching for tonight.

I Prayed For You Today

Dated: 1-12-02

Even though you and I aren’t talking                                                                                                I prayed for you today

I prayed for your safety                                                                                                                        I prayed for your happiness

I prayed for God to give you strength                                                                                                I prayed for you to have courage to let go of the past

I prayed that you find the love you deserve                                                                                    I prayed that you find your way

You have made such a difference in my life                                                                                    I prayed that someone does the same for you

Even though things aren’t great between us I still care                                                                  That’s why I prayed for you today

 

I found this poem when I was going through a box of my old writing yesterday.  It seems off and on throughout the years I have wrote poems.  I never realized this.

I am not only a writer.

I am a poet.

Who knew?

Too hot…

Since it’s too freakin hot to do anything or think coherently so I’m going to show you pics of the view from my front and back yard. This is the best I can do today

Here’s the view across the road from the front yard.

Here is the view from my back yard.

Wide open spaces. Room to think and breathe. Loving every minute of it.

Stay cool wherever you are.

I Started To Shred My Journals

As you might know, I’ve been thinking about shredding my journals for the past year or more.  I kept saying I was going to, but I never did.

Why?

I don’t know.

I started to shred my journals on the 4th of July.  I figured if we are celebrating our independence, I might as well start getting my independence from the past.  Actually, it was an Ahhh! Ahhh! moment I had in the shower.  I wondered if I died tomorrow if I would want anyone to read my journals.

The answer was no.  NO.  NO.  NO.

Would anyone benefit from reading them?  No.  Do I think anyone wants to read them?  No.  No one really needs to know about the problems I had in the past, but me.  At least, not in notebook form after I have passed.

Do I think I’m going to die tomorrow?   I hope not, but you never know.

If I’m being honest with myself, I should have done it a long time ago.  Hindsight is always 20/20.

I’ll quit shoulding on myself.  I’m doing it now and that is what is important.  What I have been doing is skimming through them, ripping out pages that speak to me and putting them in a small box.   I will look at them later.  (Yeah.  Yeah.  I know.)  I shred the rest of the pages and recycle the covers and metal spiral.

Most of what I have been reading are problems that I have had in the past with boyfriends and money.    Most of the problems are in the past and solved.  There are a couple of small items I am still dealing with, but I am not worried about them.  Some of the stuff I don’t even remember the people or the problems.

I realized I kept my journals because I thought they would help me deal with any problems that came up from the past.  That if I needed to remember something from that time I could look it up, but what I realize is that most of that stuff doesn’t even matter anymore.  It doesn’t occupy my space so why should my journals?

I’m dealing with adult issues now like menopause and marriage and how I want to live the rest of my life.  Stuff that is happening right now in my life.

I figure if there is something or someone I need to remember the universe or God will bring me the people or places and help me to remember what I need to remember.  I don’t need my journals to remind me.

I need to let my journals go so I can move into a new part of my life.  So that space can be occupied by something in the present/future.  Not the past.

I’m ready to move forward and see what life has in store for me.

As I was sitting by the fire last night I realized that I could probably put all of my journals in the fire pit and let them all go up in smoke in one night.  The thought almost gave me a heart attack.  I’m definitely not ready to do that yet.  One at a time is fine for me right now.

Onward and upward.

 

The Start Of My Office

Since my husband is on the road and I have the day off, I thought I would start to work on my office.

I started by taking most of the stuff out of it so I could clean the carpets. My mom and I cleaned the carpets before we moved in but i wanted to do it again before I settled in and got everything organized.

We put up the curtains last week. I love it! Can’t wait to hang pictures and stuff.

Here is my office

I was going to work on it after the carpet dried but its 90 degrees and we don’t have central air so I worked in the basement. Instead i sat in the chair and binge watched NCIS New Orleans. I’ll wait til it cools off a little.

I’ll share more pics later.

Have a safe and happy 4th.