Category: Uncategorized

I don’t really have a lot of clothes in my closet.

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I have 3 sweatshirts, 30 tshirts and one long sleeve flannel shirt in my closet.

Last week I posted about cleaning out my hope chest.  Stine Writing commented on my blog about how many tshirts she has and doesnt want to give up because she might want to wear one some day.  She suggested I start an advice column for people with problems like hers.

I have to admit I love to talk with people about letting stuff go and organizing. It’s kind of a passion of mine. The advice column is an interesting thought….

I’m cleaning out my closet today. After cleaning out my hope chest, I realized there are t shirts I’m not wearing and/or have holes in and just need to go.

I have 10 or more tshirts in the wash but I like those so I’m keeping hem.  They are not hung up in the closet.

I have 3 sweatshirts. I’m keeping 1 of the sweatshirts and letting 1 go.  The third one has the name of the company I work for on the front.  I haven’t worn it in years.  It has to go. Ok, so keeping 1 and letting go of 2.

6 tshirts are going into my hope chest because I love them but they are a little snug.  If they don’t fit next summer I will let them go.

7 tshirts are going bye bye.  4 are going in the trash, 2 are going in donation box and 1 I am going to sell.

16 tshirts are staying in my closet.

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Wow!  That didn’t take long at all.

I wrote this post up until now yesterday. I didn’t post it because I wanted to add a couple of things.

I bought a new tshirt yesterday at Tractor Supply that I absolutely love.

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I am wearing it to work today because I have to deal with the bully today.

The more I look at my wardrobe the more I see it really isn’t a cool wardrobe. Some tshirts fit who I am, but a lot don’t. I wear jeans, tshirts and running shoes because that is wear for work which bleeds into the weekends. I really don’t have any nice clothes. Pretty clothes or shoes.

Pretty clothes that make me feel pretty.

I need to change this.

My clothes issue is a weight and a self esteem issue.

I think it’s time to get to know my body better and accept it for the way it is today. Muffin top and all.

It’s time.

Usually I am fired up about the opening day of the football season. I have my Steelers tshirt on and my pool numbers on the coffee table. If the Steelers game wasn’t one, I would be on the couch watching whatever game was on just because football was on.

Not this year.

I’ve been watching football on Sundays ever since I can remember. With my dad and other family members. With friends or alone. At home. At the bar.

Where ever.

Not this year.

No football for me. No football pools for me.

Why?

I’m boycotting it this year.

I’m not going to talk about why I’m boycotting it because that’s not what this blog is about. I have nothing good to say so I’m keeping my mouth shut.

Instead of watching football for three or four hours on Sundays, I’m going to write and draw. I’m going to read books on writing. I’m going to daydream. I’m going to make plans.

I’m going to work on my non-fiction book proposal. My romance novel. On short stories I need to finish.

I’m going to explore my creativity with my colored pencils, markers, paper and whatever else I find and draw my heart out.

I’m going to invest the money that I’m saving every week by not being in any pools in myself. I’m going to start a writing website/blog so I can showcase my writing and whatever else. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for awhile now so my Sunday afternoons are free so why not?

Will I miss football?

Hell ya.

Will I miss being in football pools with my coworkers?

YES! I’m very lucky and win a ton of money. I was told last year by a coworker that I couldn’t be in his pool because I won too much. I won five time which was a total of $250. He didn’t win once. Oh well.

Do I miss it today?

Yes.

But sometimes you just have to talk a stand and go in a different direction.

This is one of those times.

Who knows. Maybe at some point I will change my mind and watch again, but for right now I’m not watching.

Not Monday night. Not Thursday night. Not Sunday.

I will not be cheering for the Pittsburgh Steelers nor will I be watching Jon Gruden coach the Las Vegas Raiders in their new home which I was really looking forward to.

Right now I have a closet to clean out, pictures to take and a post to write about it.

I think I’ll like these different kind of Sundays.

For the last year or so I’ve been longing for more of an ladies wardrobe beside jeans, t-shirts and hoodies and running shoes.

I’ve been holding off because I wanted to lose weight, feel better about myself, and five million other excuses.

Not anymore.

I decided last night at work (I agree that I have too much time at work to think, but it’s not always a bad thing) that was going to go thru my hope chest and get rid of things.

The rule for cleaning out my hope chest is if it doesn’t fit or I don’t love it it goes.

Here’s a picture of my hope chest.

Here’s a picture of the clothes that were in it.

What I noticed first is that I have a lot of clothes with tags on them.

The shorts in the picture I am keeping. I love them but they are a little snug. I can wear them next summer.

There are three sweatshirts. I’m keeping one. The other two don’t fit and I don’t love them.

Well, that was easy.

On to the seven tshirts. Two I can wear now. Two are a little snug but I love what they say so I’m keeping them. I’m getting rid of two. I’m throwing one away. Its stained. I kept it for sentimental reasons but I have memories of Mark in my head and don’t need to keep a stained tshirt to remember him by. And I am returning one.

This is easier than I thought it would be.

5 pairs of shorts. One has the tags (not in the picture) on that I dont even remember buying. I’m going to try to return them. One pair has stains from painting the deck at the trailer last summer. In the garbage. Two pairs that I cant get buttoned. They have to go. I don’t even know why I bought the last pair. The shorts are ugly and too long. Bye Bye.

There was a tank top and a spanks thing (you know the spandex thing that makes you look skinnier than you really are). Both are gone.

I am keeping two Emerson Fittapaldi tshirts that my dad bought me. Emo is my favorite Indy Car driver. I love him. I’m also keeping a tshirt that has my nieces name on it from a play she was in in the summer of 2012.

The items I’m letting go of I’m going to try to sell them on marketplace first. What doesn’t sell I’ll take to the consigent shop or give to the thrift store

I am keeping this shirt.

I don’t know why I am keeping it. I fit into this shirt before perimenopause and menopause hit. I doubt if i will ever fit into it again.

Oh well….

I am going thru stuff as I’m writing this post. It’s been fun and easy.

I feel better and lighter.

There’s not alot of items left in my hope chest.

I have $10 in kohl’s cash I need to use. Maybe I will swing by there before work and see what they have. Maybe I will find a cute sweater that I love.

I guess my closet will be the next thing I need to clean out before I start adding new things.

I’ll keep you posted on how my quest for a new wardrobe is going.

Have a great day!

The idea for this drawing came to me one night at work. For the last couple of weeks I have been thinking about hearts and the different ways I can draw them. In my head I pictured drawing a light blue heart. The bottom was hitched and open and there was stuff falling out. A sign from the bowling alley I used to hang out at in high school. The blue guy from the Pac Man machine that I probably spent hundreds of dollars playing. A pool rack.

Why am I thinking about this and what does this have to do with drawing?

After thinking about it for awhile I realized it was about HSD. My first love. I met him at the bowling alley. It’s where our first kiss was. We spent a lot of time in that bowling alley shooting pool and playing the Pac Man and Galaga machines. Holding hands and making out.

I’m naming this drawing “Letting Go Of Hank”.

I thought I had let him go a long time ago. Obviously the universe thinks differently and I need to let go of him a little bit more.

He left a message on my answering when I was planning my wedding 12 years ago, but I didnt call him back. I didn’t even listen to it a second time. There’s no room for an ex boyfriend when you’re planning your wedding.

Sometimes I wished I would have called back. Our relationship didn’t end well. I was two years older and after I graduated I started to work a full time job on second shift. He went to school during the day. He was a junior in high school and wanted to hang out with his friends. I wanted to go to the bar. He found a girlfriend his age and we broke up.

At 55 what could I.possibly need to.let go.of?

Duh!

Hurt. Anger. Unspoken words. Confusion. Longing.

In my mind I see myself cutting thick cords that have his name on that are still attached to me with a bolt cutters.

Maybe I am more attached to him than I realize. Maybe I didn’t let him go as much as I thought I did.

For the drawing I chose the lyrics from Seperate Ways by Journey to be in the background.

If he ever hurts you.

True love won’t desert you

You know I still love you

Even though we touched and went our seperate ways.

For me these words are truth.

It’s so weird how a pandic can bring up so much crap from the past.

Is this happening to everyone or just me?

I hope everyone so as a whole we are not letting the past rule our future and we can be clearer visioned individuals leading with love and kindness.

I’m going to keep drawing and dealing with whatever comes up while, hopefully, becoming a better person.

I look at it as a gift from the universe.

I took a day of vacation today and gave myself a Mental Health Day and spent the day by myself

I slept in and then talked to my husband.

I worked on a couple different blog posts.

I ate some awesome Mexican food at a restaurant I have always wanted to try. I am so full!

I walked around downtown. The bookstore I love was closed, but my favorite consignment shop was open. I bought this cute pumpkin for my dining room table.

It’s so cute. I can’t wait to see what it looks like with a tea light in it.

It’s been a nice quiet day.

Exactly what I needed.

Now I’m going to take a nap and then work on my writing.

I love Mental Health Days!

I’m grieving the loss of my old life today.  You know.  The way things used to be before the virus.

I’m a little sad.  I’m not crying.  I think it’s more of a missing.

I’m missing the way things used to be.

I’m missing the carefree days of running into a store without a mask.

I’m missing seeing people smile and hugging them.

I’m missing spending time with my mom.   I wish I could pick her up and go shopping for a couple of hours or out to lunch.  I hate being six feet away and not being able to hug her.

I’m missing Las Vegas and the way my vacations used to be.

I’m missing the overtime money, but not the hours.

I’m missing adventure Wednesday’s with my mom and my niece exploring our city and the communities around us.

I’m missing a lot of different things.

There’s a lot to miss.

It’s finally sinking in that things will never be the same as they were before the virus no matter how hard I wish and pray.  It’s just not an option.

I’m beginning to let go and accept that my life will never be the same.

It’s scary, yet it’s exciting.

I promised myself at the beginning of the virus that I would come out a better person on the flip side and even though we are not on the flip side I feel I am a better person.

I know I can’t go back to my old life.  I have changed and grown too much.  I have learned too much.  I am stronger.  I stand taller.  I know what I want and have started to go after it.

I am more of the me I longed to be.

I have to let go of the old me and my old life.  The old thoughts and the old way of doing things.

I need to let go with love and lots of self care.

From now on I will greet each day with a smile and a grateful heart.

Today I will let myself grieve and tomorrow I will keep moving forward.

Ready or not, new life, here I come!

 

Before this pandemic hit I took two copy paper boxes of stuff to my church for their annual garage sale. I didn’t get to take any more stuff because a week later the pandemic hit and the their doors were closed and the garage sale was cancelled.

During the last six months or so I didnt think about decluttering. I didnt buy a lot during this time because the stores weren’t open. I don’t buy alot of stuff on line and when the stores did open I didnt go.

The last week or two I’ve been feeling kinda heavy and bogged down and I couldn’t figure out why. I just thought it was anxiety or something because of the virus so I didnt pay any attention.

When I went to get my haircut last Wednesday, my hair stylist was telling me about how she was getting rid of the bar in her basement and how good she felt.

I light bulb went on! I wasn’t getting rid of anything. I haven’t decluttered in months.

Duh!

So that night I brought home some boxes from work and put one in the living room. My goal is to fill it over the next week.

I think having all this to time to think during the last couple of months has made me realize what I need and what I really don’t. What I’m using and what I’m not.

I’m excited. I can’t wait to get back in track.

I forgot how good it felt to get rid of stuff!

I’m also getting items ready to take to the consignment shop.

You know what?

I haven’t crossed anything off of my finishing the unfinished list lately. I’ve been so focused on my writing that totally forgot about it. I’ll have to take a look at my list to see if there is anything I can cross of.

It feels like I am getting a little back to normal.

Yes! Finally.

This library is one of my favorite places to write. It’s very peaceful and relaxing and I love looking at the trees and flowers outside.

I spent an hour or so there the last two afternoons. It’s nice to get away from the distractions at home and with the pandemic going on there’s hardly anyone at the library.

For some reason I feel I think better at the library. Maybe it’s because the table is big and I can spread all my stuff out.

This morning I rewrote the first half of a short story that I originally wrote in 2016 and havent looked at since. I’m happy with the progress I made.

There’s something to be said for an hour and a half of uninterrupted writing time.

Another thing I love about this library is that they have a pencil sharpener!

I usually hand write my rewrites in pencil before I type them and I hate writing with a dull pencil so I use the sharpener a few times while I’m there. I bring five or six pencils with me so I don’t have to get up all of the time to sharpen.

So many reasons to love my writing spot.

We found out yesterday my mom is cancer free!!!!!!

Yeah!

It’s been a rough six months. The surgery, chemo and then this virus crap.

I want to hug my mom. Go shopping or out to eat.

Something. Anything.

For the last four months we’ve been doing nothing together.

It feels like forever.

She’s being cautious. She doesn’t want me over because I work and my husband goes through the hot spots while he’s on the road.

I understand why.

I think not being able to see and hug my mom on a regular basis is part of this emotional mess I’ve been experiencing these last couple of months.

I miss her. I miss seeing her smile. I miss her hugs. I miss her company. I miss us doing stuff together.

I do talk to her everyday on my way to work. I stop over there to drop stuff off once in awhile.

For now I will have to take what I can get while we wait for this virus crap to pass

For now I will be very grateful for her being cancer free.

For now I will be grateful that my mom is alive and I can talk to.

This is what I will focus on.

This what I will be grateful for.

Thank you God!

My flowers make me happy.

I love this turtle. He’s so cute. The plant that’s in it, not so much. The hot weather took a toll on all my plants plus l the fact I forgot to water them a time or two doesnt help either.

I love this fish. I bought it at the consignment shop I sell my stuff at. It was on the clearance rack for $2.42. I brought it home and had my husband drill a hole in the bottom and used it as a planter.

There’s been a couple times that a flower was growing out of the mouth. It looks cool when there is. Sorry I dont have a picture. It’s droopy today because it needs water, but I still smile when I see it because of the fish. I love it.

Happy day!