chrissy

I woke up at 10 am wrapped in my husband’s arms. It’s one of my favorite places to be.

My husband is sick. He has some kind of virus. We were in the ER last night for 4 hours. I thought he had the start of pneumonia, but everything turned out fine. That’s why I think it’s a virus.

For the last two nights he’s been cold even with two blankets. He’s hot to the touch. I’m just going to let him sleep. He looks better this morning.

I woke up at 10 am wrapped in his arms. This is one of my favorite places to be. Sick or not. I laid there for a half hour wrapped in his love. I decided to call work and take a personal day.

I need a day to do nothing. To rest. To breathe. To watch TV wrapped in a blanket. To take care of myself. And to take care of my husband.

For now I’m going back to bed. Then I’m going to lay on the couch and watch tv.

I love me days!

Peaceful

For the past five minutes I have watched leaves twirl and fall to the ground from the trees in my backyard.

How cool is that?

I walked in my upstairs bathroom to turn off the nightlight and noticed it when I looked out my window.

I have never seen anything like it. It was like a gentle shower of leaves. A bunch would fall from a couple of trees at the same time. Then a bunch from one tree.

I wonder when they know it’s time to fall.

What a calming and peaceful way to start the day!

Have A Nice Winter

These are words I say to my fellow campers at the end the every camping season.

We closed up our trailer this weekend for the summer. It’s always bittersweet. It means winter is coming. It’s going to get colder. Snow.

I dont even want to think about it. Its not something I’m looking forward to.

We didn’t get to spend a lot of time at our trailer this summer because we were taking down trees and landscaping our front yard. It sucks and yet it was good because our front yard looks amazing.

We will have next summer to spend at our trailer. Long Saturday afternoons to float on our floaties in the pond. Campfires. Time to relax.

As for now we have a bunch of winter projects to do inside the house. Painting the living/dining room. Finishing my office. Redoing the tiny downstairs bathroom.

Hopefully winter will fly by. I probably shouldn’t say that but the older I get the more I dislike winter.

Right now I’m going to enjoy fall.

One Year Today

It’s a sad day in Las Vegas today. Its the one year anniversary of the shooting

I am in Vegas today. People are wearing t shirts that say Vegas Stronger. Tomorrow I am going to look for one to purchase.

Please pray for the victims and their loved ones tonight. No one deserves to die like that.

Peace and love always.

I Don’t Miss It

I was in the bathroom at work today.

Crinkle. Crinkle.

The crinkling sounded familiar. What the hell was it?

Rip.

Ah! I remember now. Someone was opening a plastic tampon wrapper.

Thank God it wasn’t me.

I admit I dont miss those days. The blood. The leaks. Carrying tampons everywhere. In my purse. In my glove box. Having to make emergency Walmart runs because I was out. Blood stains on the sheets. Cramps.

No I dont miss it at all.

Not. At. All.

Menopause isn’t fun. Weight gain. Mood swings. Hot flashes. Night sweats. Anger.

My journey through menopause hasn’t been easy but I wouldnt go back to having my period. I have learned so much about myself. I am a better person. I dont put up with people’s shit. I’m happier.

I’m so happy I’m not the one carrying that tampon. 😊 those days are long gone

Have a great day!

The Back Story

I know the letter I wrote to P in my last post was kinda rough so let me explain and give you the back story.

P is a nice woman, but the drives me nuts. She can’t make a decision to save her soul. Case in point: if someone is selling Girl Scout cookies she has to call her husband to see what kind she should order. (Not me. I order my favorite cookie and hide them so I can eat them when I want to).

She tries to make everyone happy and put everyone’s needs before her own. You and I know that you can’t make everyone happy so why try. What it boils down to is that you need to make yourself happy and she doesn’t have a clue on how to put herself first or make herself happy.

I think if she asserted herself her world would fall apart around her and she wouldn’t know what to do on her own.

I just can’t deal with that behavior anymore. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am. Especially after menopause kicked in. I’ve went to counseling and read books and wrote in my journal. I started my blog. I try to do one thing a week that scares me. I’ve change. I’m a different person.

I don’t drag my feel (well sometimes…). I don’t blame my problems on other people. I am hands on. I am straight forward. I like to learn new things. I don’t take no for an answer.

I am a strong, independent woman. I’m not afraid to speak up for myself. I need to speak up for myself. I want to speak up for myself.

I am in control of my life (for the most part). I know where I want to go and what crap I am going to put up with. If any.

I want to work with people who lift me up and support me. That will motivate me to achieve my dreams. That will call me on my shit and won’t put up with it. I want positive people around me who love to learn and grow and encourage me to do the same.

Unfortunately these are not qualities she possesses. I don’t they will ever be qualities she possesses.

I can’t pussy foot around the situation anymore so I try to stay away. I will only help her if I have to and that time will be limited. If I have to, I will sit down with my boss and her boss and tell them how I feel. Not that it will do any good. Work is work and I get that. I just need to get it off of my chest. They need to know how I feel and why.

She drives everyone nuts. It’s not just me. They get it.

She drains me because she talks about the same thing day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year. Nothing changes. It can’t because she won’t change.

I want to move forward. I want to change. I want to grow.

I want to be a better person.

Sometimes in life you have to leave people behind. I choose to leave J behind. As mean as that sounds it’s something I have to do. I can’t have someone bringing me down all of the time.

I have to do what is best for me. Whether she gets it or not.

I Can’t Help You

Dear P

I can’t help you if you’re not willing to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. I can’t help you if you are unwilling to change and or think any of the problems you are having partially or maybe all your fault.

I can’t help you if you don’t push back. If you don’t believe you are a worthy human being. If you want to make everyone happy or do what works best for everyone. I can’t help you if you don’t/ won’t/can’t see that you can’t make everyone happy. You have to make yourself happy first.

I can’t help you if don’t see that you’ve been sitting in the same situation for the past how many years and you don’t do anything to change your behavior or the way you think about things. I’ve suggested counseling to help you learn other ways of dealing with this problem. I’ve told you ways of dealing with the situation that I would use, but day after day you keep doing the same thing in the same way.

I can’t help you if you are unwilling to help yourself. If you are willing to sit in the same pile of shit day after day and stay there. Same soap box. Wearing the same rose colored glasses. Speaking the same messed up words. Open your eyes.

I can’t help you because I have been down this road and turned off of it a long, long time ago. The oh feel sorry for me because so and so is making my life a living hell and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t want to be on that road or even near it. It is clogged with negativity, fear and hopelessness. I’m done being a victim.

I can’t help you if I want to keep my sanity. I want to move in a positive direction in my life and being sympathetic to your story that you repeat to me day after day after day sucks the life out of me. I can’t deal with it. I don’t want to deal with it. Honestly, my ears are sick of hearing it.

I’m done. I can’t listen to your problems anymore. I can’t even try to help you anymore. I don’t want to be in your space anymore. I’m not even sorry that I can’t help you anymore.

I just can’t help you.

Chrissy