Gratitude Wednesday: Why I Love My Mom

Why do I love my mom? Let me count the ways…..

She’s always there when I need her. No matter what time of the night or day.

She has exceptional listening skills.

Her ability to know what I need — even when I dont.

Her kind heart.

Her patience.

Her hugs.

Her love.

That she was (and still is) right about most things — even though I dont like to admit it.

That she gives me Mother’s Day cards even though I’m not a mom and she wishes I was because she has always wanted more grandkids.

Her giving heart.

Her grace.

Her ability to stay strong no matter what is going on.

Her ability to focus on the positive side of things and not let the negative get her down.

She loves to go for walks.

She supports me in whatever I do.

She loves me.

I’m sure I’m missing things, which I will remember once I hit publish.

My mom is one of a kind. They broke the mold after they made her.

I am extremely lucky to have her as my mom and I am very grateful.

Haters

I read somewhere on some money making website that people were selling empty toliet paper rolls for big money. When I looked on ebay I found that 100 empty rolls were going for around $20 bucks. I guess people use them for crafts projects, to put around cords instead of using zip ties and other things.

It seemed easy enough to make some extra cash and so I thought I would try it. Everytime I would empty a roll I would put it in a box in the closet. My mom also saved them for me.

Last week when I grabbed the vacuum out of the closet, I noticed that the box was overflowing. When I got home from work that night I went through the toliet paper rolls. Out of over 200 only 60 were good. The rolls on ebay looked perfect so I went for perfection too.

I never realized that toliet paper rolls had a raised part half the size of an eraser on it usually with a hole in and on some rolls where all of the paper didnt come off. So those weren’t usable.

I decided instead of listing them on Ebay I would put them on Marketplace and see what happened.

Big mistake. I didnt realize that there would be so many haters out there. I received so many mean messages. Are fucking crazy? That’s sick thinking. Just throw them away. I have a empty bag of chips so you think I can get money for that too? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Not very nice comments.

There were a couple of interested people. The haters responded to them too. What’s wrong with you that you want to buy these? Are you dumb? What could possibly use them for?

Do the haters just look for stuff on marketplace to put negative comments on? Don’t these people have a life? Or any feelings? Or respect for other people? Why are they so quick to judge what others are doing?

I responded to their hate. I wrote: to all the haters. I sold the rolls to a lady who is going to use them with her five grandchildren to do crafts this summer. Win. Win. Thanks for your kindness and support.

No comment from any of them.

What I really wanted to write is: hey you narrow minded small briained mother fuckers who spew hate and negativity into the world fuck you. I don’t understand why you feel you need to share your stupidity with everyone. You’re probably as dumb as your comments and don’t get what you are doing is wrong. I can sell whatever I want to. Kiss my ass…..

Ok I feel better.

My answer to the haters was a work of fiction. Ok. Lie. I didnt sell them but I wanted to show them just because they dont agree with something doesn’t mean they have to hate it and it can be a good thing even if they dont see it as such.

I deleted the post. I didn’t want to deal with the negativity and hateful thoughts. I didn’t want the people who may have been interested to get harassed.

Maybe I shouldn’t have read the comments, but I was excited that I had 14. I rarely get any. I never expected them to be negative.

I’m proud of myself for trying something new even though it was a flop. Some things work and some things don’t. You have to keep trying.

Dont let the haters get to you and bring you down. Rise above it and keep moving forward and leave the haters behind. You don’t need them or their small thinking.

Look for positive people who will be in your corner.

There was one person who stood up for me. She wrote: If you people aren’t interested in buying something then move on. There’s no reason to leave such hateful comments. It’s such grade school behavior.

I thanked her. She was my bright spot amongst the haters.

In life, I want to be that bright spot, too, amongst the haters.

We should all try to be the bright spot.

Feeling Deserving

My birthday is tomorrow and I dont feel like celebrating it this year. I’ve told my family and my husband that I don’t want any presents. All I want is a nice dinner with my husband.

Now if it were someone else’s birthday I’d be running around looking for the perfect gift and thinking about what I could do to make their birthdy special.

Then a thought ran through my head….

Why am I not doing this for myself?

Why am I not giving myself the same time and attention as I would give someone else? Why don’t I think am I special? Or deserving of a nice birthday?

Does anyone else do this?

One thing I have realized as I purge my stuff is that I dont feel deserving. Deserving of love, wealth, and just over all good things happening to me. I block these things from my life and when good things do happen to me I shrug it off so I dont bring attention to myself. I tell people I just got lucky.

I’ve been writing in my journal about this lately. This is definately an issue for me right now. It probably has been my whole life. I blame this on my mother. My two younger brothers were both labeled “learning disabled” in grade school and thru high school. It was never said but I felt it was implied that I was never to do anything great because it would make my brothers feel bad because they weren’t capable of these things because they were learning disabled.

Bullshit.

I feel like crying right now because my whole life I have believed this deep down in my soul and never realized it. As adults, my brothers are far from learning disabled. They are smart and fully functioning adults who are more then capable of learning anything they want.

This belief has hindered me in so many ways.

Growing up I always felt I would have a lot of money. I still feel that way. Like it’s something I’m suppose to do in this lifetime. I dont want the money to be rich and famous. I want it to help people. In my 20s I wanted to open an self help/recovery bookstore where people could come in, talk to others and read. Maybe I would have some classes available. I wanted to help people heal.

Memories….I haven’t thought about that in a long time. I think as I purge more of my real self is coming to the surface and its ‘s a very good thing.

I’ll be 54 tomortow and I’ve been thinking about what I want to do now and into my retirement. Job wise, health wise, friend wise , where I want to live and who I want to be.

I think this blog has given me a good starting point. Helping people.

This is definately not how I expected this post to end. Sometimes I think these posts are more like journal entries, written for me more than you. I start out with something I’ve been thinking about and out of nowhere this comes out on the page and I am in awe. Yes, like today, some of it is painful, but something I need to know and deal with to be able to move forward.

I feel lighter now that I realize a little of what is holding me back.

This entry is very raw and part of me doesnt want to hit publish bcause I don’t want people to see that part of me. If I want to help people, which is part of the reason why i started this blog, then I have to hit publish because maybe this post will help someone or touch someone who needs it.

What I really want for my birthday is to sleep in and not do a darn thing but watch tv and eat.

And maybe to get a pedicure. With hot rocks and warm towels…..

Grateful On Easter

Today is the perfect day to tell what I am grateful for.

1. My family. My brother, sister, niece, stepdaughter had brat patties, hamburgers and potatoes and asparagus on the grill at my brothers house (not the angry one). It was yummy. While my brother got the food ready, my sister and I raked up branches and leaves in his front yard

2. My husband. He had to leave out yesterday so he didn’t get to spend easter with us. It sucks but he works hard and we will spend a full weekend at the trailer next weekend.

3. My job. Because of Good Friday we had a three day weekend. On Friday Steve and I had supper with his brother and his wife and another couple we are going to vegas with in October. I did get to see him one night. Thanks to my employee for giving us Good Froday as a holiday

4. Shopping. My niece had off school on Friday so we went shopping for a couple of hours. It was so nice to get some one on one time with her.

5. Marketplace and the consignment shops. I have met a lot of good people and made a new friend selling my stuff. It makes me believe that are still good people in the world. Plus I’ve made over $400. Money that I put toward payong off our new furnace. And air conditioner. Yeah.

6. Fresh air and sun. It was 53 and sunny yesterday and 63 and sunny today. I raked all three days. It was so nice to breathe in fresh air and to feel the sun on my face. I was going to put on shorts today but then I would have had to shave my legs and that seemed like too much work….

7. My purge. I sold a set of dishes today. I will write a post about this at a later date. It was hard because they meant a lot but I cant justify holding onto something or things I’m not using. No matter how much the items meant. 28 items gone.

8. Alone time. Even though I wish my husband was home, I’m grateful for the alone time. I’m still purging so the alone time is great to go through my stuff at my own pace. Right now I have a mess in my living room but I’ll have it cleaned up/gone thru by the time he gets home.

9. Having our bed to myself. I’m lying in bed as I type this. Tonight I’m glad I am alone. I’m missing my dad and kinda sad. Holidays do this to me. I can read or do whatever I want tonight without having to worry about waking him up.

10. You guys. Thanks for reading my blog and commenting. It means a lot.

Happy Easter everone!

Spring Is Coming

I found a bee in my house this morning.

I killed it. Sorry to those people who believe in all living things should live, but if it can sting me it has to die.

It’s the last thing I expected to see in my house this morning, but it’s a sign that spring is coming.

Snow one day and a bee the next.

Who knew?

Let’s hope the bees aren’t sharing my house with me. That would be bad and not the way I expect spring to start.

I’m afraid to go to bed tonight because I don’t want to wake up to a bee buzzing in my ear and possibly getting stung.

I know. I’m a wuss.

A Relaxing Day

It snowed on and off today.

I spent the day napping and marking garage stuff. I didnt take a shower til 4pm and that was only because I wanted to get something to eat. No one delivers out here.

I’ve been taking it easy these couple weeks and not posting a lot. Purging has taken a lot out of me and I needed some down time to process what I was losing and what I was gaining.

Purging has been a great experience. My life has changed. I would like to think I’m a better person. I’m more open and know what I want.

I think I hung onto some of the stuff to keep me from going after what I wanted. I think I was hiding because I didn’t feel good enough or have the talent.

I’ll share more with you about this in upcoming posts.

Have a great day! 😊❤

I’m Needed Outside Today

The grass needs me to walk on it.

The birdfeeders need me to fill them.

The trees need me to touch them.

The dead branches need me to pick them up and put them on the burning pile.

I need to feel the sun on my face.

I need to breath in fresh air.

I need to check for new buds and other signs of summer coming.

I need to talk to my yard and reconnect because it was a long, long winter.

I need to be outside because its going to be 51 degrees outside!!!!