Why Do I Have All Of This Stuff?

Management is reorganizing the department I work in at the company I work for.  Last week I had clean out the cube I’ve been working in.  It wasn’t mine.  It was empty so I moved in.   That’s how I am at work.  Sometimes I don’t ask if I can do something.   I just do it.  If management doesn’t like what I’m doing they will ask me to stop.  If they don’t, I continue what I’m doing.  I’ve been in the cube for about six months. And now I have to move out.

It’s not that I had a lot to move, but until the department is reorganized I have to put my stuff on half of a desk or in my filing cabinet.   This is the littlest space I have had to put my stuff and it has made me ask one question.

Why do I have all of this stuff?

I have worked in several different departments in the twenty one years I have worked for this company so I have saved department notes, note from coworkers that are deceased or have left the company, misc. memos, paperwork I thought someone might need someday, pens (yes the company does provide them, but I like to bring my own from home.  I am a pen whore) and pencils, mouthwash, baby powder, aspirin, a 4 x 6 album of some of my wedding pictures, my Damn It Doll (I truly need this some days) and other miscellaneous things in this filing cabinet.  And candy.  I can’t forget the candy.

I need to clean it out.  Except the candy.  People like candy and are more willing to do things for you if you give them candy so I keep it on hand.

To me, right now, having all of that stuff means I plan on staying forever.  Maybe not forever, but I have 13 years til I retire.  I really don’t plan on staying there for the next 13 years, but that is totally another post.  I really don’t need all of that stuff.  I’ve been contemplating staying late one day next week and cleaning out my desk off of the clock.  Yes, off of the clock.  I want to be able to take the time I need to go thru my stuff and decide if I need it or not.  What would happen if I threw away paperwork from the other departments that I have worked in, but haven’t used in years?  I was never really in management so why should I keep all of the paperwork that I used to order material and other stuff in the past.    What if keeping all of that stuff is keeping me tied to a job I really don’t want to be at anymore?  Don’t get me wrong.  I work for a good company.  I have excellent coworkers.  I have a gravy job that allows my characters to talk to me and essay/blog/novel ideas to come to the surface while I work.  I just don’t agree with the management style and what things people get away with.  I try not to let this bother me, but it’s hard not to.    The more I write the more I know this is really want to do now and for my retirement.  I would love it if I could write til the day I die.

As I look at my job life, I have to think about all of the crap I have in my house.  For example, my utensil drawer in my kitchen.  It’s not huge, but there’s a lot of stuff crammed in it.  I thought I cleaned it out in April when I was packing up the kitchen before the house deal fell through, but I guess I didn’t clean it out good enough. I will have to go thru it again.  Thank God we are having a garage sale in April.

How do I really know what I really need?  This is something I need to get clear on.  What I have and why I am holding on to it.  Sometimes I’m afraid to give something away that someone gave me.  If they are deceased I wonder if they can see that I’m giving what they gave me away.  I know this is kinda silly, but sometimes I wonder.  Or would they be happy that I’m giving it away?  I wonder if keeping something is keeping me from something else?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Being sick these last couple of weeks has made me question a lot of areas in my life.   I’ve noticed a lot of areas in my house/life that are clogged with stuff and need to be cleaned out.  This isn’t even one of the posts I wrote when I was sick and or in Vegas.  I wrote it after I cleaned out my desk last week Monday.

Being sick really sucked, but I’m grateful, too, because it has made me think about things I haven’t thought of in awhile or if ever.  I know I need to change things in my life to get to where I want to go and this is what my blog posts will probably be about for the next couple of months.

Thanks for being with me on my journey.

 

 

 

QP Dilly Dilly

I have watched a lot of tv these last couple of weeks while being sick.  I kept seeing the “Dilly Dilly” Bud Light commercials.  I didn’t get it.  Dilly Dilly.  What the hell does that mean? I thought I was the only one who didn’t know what those two words meant.

I googled it.  It turns out that “Dilly Dilly” doesn’t mean anything.  According to Anheuser-Busch InBev Chief Marketing Officer Miguel Patricia “I think we all need our moments of nonsense and fun.  I think that “Dilly Dilly” in a way represents that.”

I feel better now that I know that “Dilly Dilly” means absolutely nothing.  It’s nice to know that even CMO’s can have fun.  Thanks Miguel.  I will be saying these two words more often.

Dilly Dilly, my friends.  Dilly Dilly.

 

 

Sick Of Being Sick

I’m still not feeling like myself.  Yesterday was the first day in almost two weeks that I felt half way normal, but my head is still stuffed and my throat is still sore.  When I went to see the doctor last Monday he said I a virus and it had to run it’s course.  Yesterday I called the doctor and he prescribed antibiotics.  Hopefully this will do the trick.

That said, I’m not going to post anything until next Wednesday unless I’m feeling better.  I’m just going to rest and take care of myself.  I’m really crabby that I am not better.   I have posts that I would like to post, but I just don’t have the energy.  This is the sickest I have been in a long time and it sucks.  It’s taken me two days to figure out how I’m going to write about being sick and not posting.  My posts are lined up on the coffee table, but I have no energy to type them.

The good thing is that I’ve been able to write.  I write in bed.  I write curled up in a blanket on the couch.  I write in a notebook in pencil or pen.  I prefer a pencil.  At least I am writing.

Another good thing is we are down to 9 hours mandatory overtime this week at work.  Yeah.  That hour makes a big difference in my life.  I can sleep an hour longer.

My nose is running and I have to go blow it.  Again.  Probably for the 1,243th time.

Freakin’ cold.  Virus.  Whatever the hell it is.

Shit Happens

I did something really stupid today.  I’m embarrassed to tell my story, but everyone makes mistakes and nothing bad happened.  It could have been bad, but luckily for me someone upstairs was looking out for me.  I’m grateful for that today.

I’ve been sick all week with one of the viruses that have been going around.  I went to the doctor on Monday because the wheezing in my chest scared the crap out of me.  My doctor told me it was a virus and it would run it’s course.  Monday I called in sick to work.  My doctor said Tuesday I took a vacation day.  My chest was better but my nose wouldn’t stop running.  Yes, I was taking cold medicine, Mucinex, Delsym, rubbing myself in Vick’s and sucking on cough drops.  Wednesday I worked 10 hours and thought I was going to die.  I couldn’t breathe.  My face was all red from blowing my nose on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Yesterday I called in sick.  I felt a little bit better, but I wanted to rest.  Normally I wouldn’t call or take vacation but my husband was home on and off all week and I didn’t want to him sick with this virus because he had all of his teeth pulled today.  If he was sick they wouldn’t pull his teeth and he really needed it done for health reasons.

Last night was the first night since Sat. night that I didn’t take any cold medicine.  I felt kinda off kilter because of all of the medicine I took, but I was confident that I could drive him home, grab his prescriptions and take care of him the rest of the day.  I would take a nap later on that afternoon.  I was fine until the called me in the recovery room and the nurse showed me how to fold the gauze and place it on his gums.  I almost puked when she took the old gauze out and showed it to me.  It was all bloody and gross.  She talked me thru all of the stuff I would have to do.  Pain meds, foods he could eat, antibiotics, and time intervals for changing the gauze.  The ice packs.  I can’t forget the ice packs.

After we were done I went to get the truck.  His truck.  The truck I don’t drive all of the time.  I know I’m making excuses, but hear me out.  As I’m driving up to the door all of the instructions are running around in my head and I see him sitting in a wheel chair.  I’m thinking I need to get out of the truck and go to passenger and get him settled in.  I get out of the truck and it starts rolling backward.  I screaming for someone to help me.  I’m looking at all of the cars I’m going to hit if this truck doesn’t stop.  I’m panicking.  I’m reaching over (no i didn’t think about jumping back in the truck on stepping on the brake) to grab the shifter.  I don’t know if I stopped the truck or if it was something my husband did, but somehow the truck stopped.  Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I felt it was.  I haven’t talked to my husband about it and he hasn’t said anything.  I don’t know if he even remembers.  I feel horrible that he had to get out of the wheel chair after getting all of teeth pulled to help his wife because she didn’t put the truck in park.  Obviously all of the cold meds I took during the week didn’t make me competent to drive.  It was the first time in my life that anything like that has happened.  I still feel like a dumb ass.  Maybe it was seeing the blood and knowing I had to replace the gauze every 15 minutes that got me in a funk.

No one got hurt.  My husband is doing fine.  I am fine.  I was a little shook up this morning.  I kept apologizing for being a dumb ass, but he knows how sick I was this week.  I didn’t damage the building, grass or anyone’s vehicle.  All is good.  The only damage I did do is to my pinkie finger.  It must have got caught it  in between the shifter and the steering wheel or something as I tried to get the shifter into park because it is black and blue and hurts like hell.  And now that I think about it I need to give myself some credit.  At least I ran after it instead of standing there and watching it crash into the building or some cars.  This makes me feel a little bit better.

Shit happens.  It’s called being human.  I have to learn from the incident and move on.  It was a fluke thing.  I was sick.  And I need to forgive myself and call it a day.

If only it were that easy.  I still think I’m a dumb ass and probably always will. I can’t believe I did something that stupid and irresponsible.  I know better than that.

That’s my story.

 

 

 

 

2018 The Year Of Me

I’ve been thinking about my goals for 2018.  The list below is what I came up with.

To listen to my inner nudges/intuition more than I do now.  I’m not very good at this.  Listening to myself wasn’t encouraged when I was growing up.  I would like to be more in touch with part of myself.

To be kinder to myself.  I am my own worst critic.  I would like to be my biggest supporter.

To heal my inner child and my soul so I can be the person I was meant to be.

To deal with my menopausal anger and see what issues come up from the past that I need to deal with and heal.

To be a good steward of my talents.  I don’t really think I’m doing this right now.  I’m not sure what my talents really are.  I’m not really a church person, but I do believe in a higher power and I believe we are all given talents the help us evolve on our spiritual path.  I want to give myself the time and space to explore what my talents might be.

To find what makes me happy job wise.  I like my job and I like the people I work with, but I don’t feel I can express who I really am at my job or figure out what my talents really are.  I make good money, but working 10 hours a day doing something that doesn’t fulfill my soul doesn’t work for me anymore.  I would like to find my purpose and make a living at that.  I realize that may be take longer than 2018, but at least I can start thinking about it and possibly make little changes.

To learn more about the stuff that interests me.  Past lives, Kundalini and chakras, intuition, organizing stuff and dragons.  These things have always interested me, but I’ve never explored any of them fully.  I have just been learning about the healing energy of dragons, which really fascinates me, but that’s another post.

To take two hours every Sunday (now that football is over.  Well, it’s over for me.  Pittsburgh lost today) and learn how to cook.  I suck at cooking.  I’ve never taken the time to learn.  I would like to learn how to cook healthy meals that I can freeze. I need to definitely learn how to cook/eat healthier, greener meals.

To use the Simply Fit Board that my husband bought me for Christmas.  This was an item on my Christmas list, but I haven’t used it yet.  I have to figure out the DVD player to use it and I haven’t yet.  I don’t understand why I just can’t just push play anymore and something works.  I should just be able to use one remote, push play and be done.

To write an hour a day, find a writer’s group, and find out who I am as a writer.

To be more understanding/tolerant of others and their situations.  We are all walking on this earth, but we are not all on the same spiritual path.  We are all fighting out own battles.  I need to be more kinder in certain situations instead of passing judgement on things that I may know nothing about — even if I think I do.

I know this is kind of an odd list.  It surprised me, too.  It’s not what I set out to write, but it’s what I want to do so I’m going to give it a shot.

Here’s to us all reaching our 2018 goals!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m Back

Hi everyone.   My computer is fixed.  I thought it would be finished before we left on vacation but it wasn’t.  My step daughter turned 18 a couple of months ago so we took her to Vegas for couple of days.  Shorts and t-shirts for three days.  After that brutal cold that we went through the warm weather was heaven.

I can’t wait to start posting again.  While I was in Vegas I wrote everyday for an hour.  I wrote two blog posts on the plane to Vegas and reread and edited the first chapter of my romance novel on the way back.  I started my romance novel about 13 years ago.  I finished the first draft and started to edit it but never finished.  I felt it was missing something but I didn’t know what.  Last week while i was at work I realized what it was missing.  Becca, my lead character, lost her father when she was 12.  I tried to describe it but it fell flat.  I didn’t know because I hadn’t lost my dad.  Now that I lost my dad I can better describe what she went through.  I can see her character develop now so I’m ready to edit it now.  Yeah!

I’m going to try to post more than my normal twice a week.   I have posts that i wrote while my computer was down that i want to share with you guys. Yesterday was my first day back to work.  We are still on mandatory 10 hours of overtime and 5 on saturday so I will post when I can.

Here’s to a great 2018!