Good Little Girl

That’s me in a nutshell.

A good little girl.

That’s how I was raised. To be the good girl and be an example to my younger two brothers and sister. To do things right. To not go outside of the lines. To do what I was told and dont talk back.

So that’s what I did. Its what I am still doing. Being a good girl.

Letting go my stuff has really opened me up to what I really want. I think I used all of that stuff to bury my real self.

My real self has always wanted to make a ton of money. This was I wanted from junior high on. I alway thought I would be a millionaire, but i always put it on the back burner because my parents weren’t comfortable with money. I think there will be multiple posts along my money journey…..

I woke up sad this morning. I’ve been reading You Are a Badass With Money by Jen Sincero. Amazing book. I’ve been trying to remember all of the negative beliefs about money I learned from everyone around me growing up. There’s a lot of them. I’ve dealt with them before but I dont think I was ready then to deal with them.

I am ready now.

Have Fun With It

The work parking lot was one nig sheet of ice after work on Thursday night. It must have rained a good inch and then the temperature dropped so it froze. Lovely Wisconsin weather.

I hate ice. I always worry about falling. I’m just not comfortable walking on it.

As we started our trek across the parking lot my coworker and I were taking baby steps and swearing. It’s hard to keep your balance when the wind is blowing at 30 or 40 mph in the opposite direction. We are making slow progress

“Just have fun with it,” another coworker said sliding on the ice.

“No way,” I said, struggling to keep my balance. “I’d probably fall on my ass.”

In Search Of A Morning Ritual

I would love to start a morning ritual but I have no idea where to start.

I know I want it to include mind, body and spirit.

I was thinking positive affirmations. A short walk. Listening to my relaxation CD. Time to write. Maybe journal.

I don’t have a purpose in the morning (or at night). I dont have a schedule either.

I’ve done a lot of thinking in the last couple of weeks. My husband and I got into a fight over a month ago and it made me realize a lot of things. One thing is is that there isn’t a lot of me in the relationship. It’s basically what he needs and wants.

My schedule revolved around him and what he wants and needs.

This has to change.

I want a morning ritual that celebrates me. Who I am. What I want and need.

I need to get in touch with myself again and get to know who I am.

It seems like after our last fight my soul just opened up and all the things I wasn’t happy with came to the surface and demanded to be looked at. It was little things that irritated me at the time, but instead if saying something I held it in. My fault.

I felt like I was having a nervous breakdown. It took me four and a half weeks to let everything come to the surface and get it sorted out. It took me that long to put it into words. That’s why I havent posted a lot in the last couple weeks. I was lost.

Please don’t feel bad for me. Emotionally it’s been hard but I’m looking at it as a blessing. Menopause has given me a gift. The gift of finding myself.

I’ve spent a lot of time alone. Writing a different libraries. Drawing and working on the calendar I’m creating. Walking. Journaling. Reading uplifting and positive blogs and books. Listening to my inspirational CD’s. Giving myself a chance to breathe and unravel.

I want my morning ritual to celebrate the parts of myself I have found. To honor them. To give myself a chance to dig further. To be open to possibilities. For positive self talk.

It’s time to take care of me.

What do you do to make your mornings positive and to take care of yourself?

Thought For The Day

Stop being who you were and become who you are. — Paulo Coetho

I love this thought because how many of us are dragging the past behind us wondering why we aren’t becoming who we want to be?

What if we let go of the past and welcome today with open arms?

I bet lots of beautiful stuff.

We just have to trust. I know. Easier said than done. If only trust were that easy. Its alot easier to hang onto something than to to get out of our comfort zone.

Sometimes we have to jump out of our comfort zones to get what we want in life. Even if it hurts. Even if it uncomfortable. Even if we don’t know what we are doing.

We just have to. I

Being courageous makes us stronger. Better. Open to receive what we want.

Alive. It makes us live. Whi doesnt want to be alive and flowing through life instead of stagnant and sitting in front of 5he 5v wondering why things dont change.

This is what I’m thinking about while I’m sitting outside in the shade while I get my tires rotated. Its absolutely beautiful. There is a gentle breeze blowing. I am calm.

Deep shit to think about on a beautiful spring day.

And The DA Award Goes To…

“Money or memories” The new girl said before she walked out the door at lunch. “I’m choosing memories.”

She left at lunch, knowing she would lose a half a days pay today and part of her holiday pay. She didn’t care. It was more important for her to make memories.

Making memories is great. But does it pay the bills? No. Does it put money in your savings account for a rainy day? No. Does it leave your supervisor with a warm, fuzzy feeling about your work eithic? No.

I get it. She just turned 21 and she wants to party with her friends at their cabin 2 hours away.

For me the word that is missing from the equation is responsibility. A word that is more important than money or memories.

Responsibility. I think she has a responsibility to be at her job. Every day. That is why they pay you. You made a commitment with the company to be there every day and you should honor that.

To leave early is irresponsible. And the kicker is is that she’s only been working at the company 3 months.

Awesome work ethic.

The thing that grinds me is that the company has given us Monday off with pay but that must not be enough days to party.

The 2nd kicker is that she didn’t even know the meaning of Memorial Day. A coworker had to explain it to her.

So she left work early to make memories on a holiday weekend she knew nothing about until today.

I shake my head and wonder how kids like this survive.

And that’s why she gets the dumb ass award today.