Girl On Fire

What I loved most about this years Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is Angelica Hale from America’s Got Talent singing “Girl on Fire” by Alicia Keyes.  9 years old and kicking butt!

I love the parade.  It always inspires me because almost everyone in the parade is living their dreams.  The musicians and dancers.  The actors and actresses.  The screenwriters and playwrights.

If they are living their dreams why can’t I live mine?

I’ve been thinking about this for the last couple of days.  Why can’t I?  I think that part of my problem is that I don’t have a specific goal.  I know I want to be an author but I don’t have any specific goals.  I want to get my essays and short stories published and I would love to write the final draft of my romance novel, but I don’t have any specific goals.  Goals that I write down on paper and achieve.   Goals that I work toward every time I sit down to write.  I don’t know why I don’t write down my goals.  I have goals in my head.  Floating around in my head.  Sometimes they are close.  Sometimes they are far away.

I need to get my office (my half of our office) in order.  I have a stack of papers for my blog on one side of my desk.  Old blog posts that I have typed and need to file.  Partially written blog posts that I need to file or finish.  Magazine articles and other stuff I find interesting to possibly write about in future blog posts.  I keep piling stuff on the pile and not dealing with it.  On the other side I have notes, a notebook and two folders for my first draft for NaNoWriMo.  (I wrote a couple of scenes over the past week).  I would like to have a clean desk.

I think I have a lot of stuff that I don’t need on my bookshelf.  Notebooks and notepads.  I love notebooks.  I usually write the 1st draft of my posts in a notebook of some kind.  College ruled.  Spiral works best for me and preferably with a pocket.  I have a notebook in my office, in the living room, in my truck and in my locker at work.  The goal for my bookshelf is to have all of my writing projects on the shelves so I can easily see and access them.  If I write notes for a project I can easily file the notes or grab it and work on it.

I realized this weekend that I don’t have any rhyme or reason to my desk.  It holds my computer, keyboard, mouse and piles of paper.  Because my desk is a mess I have no idea where I am with my writing projects.  My goal for my desk is that I would love to be able to walk into my office and start working instead of looking at it and mumbling “WTF!”

What is in my head and what is in my office are far apart.  I’ve been putting off dealing with my office issues because I was hoping we were moving and I would have my own office.  That didn’t happen so I need put my big girl pants on and deal with what I have.  A very disorganized writing life….and then I wonder why I don’t accomplish anything.

I want my office to have only what I need in it and not what I think I might use some day.  I get distracted by my stuff.  I have a lot of “things” in my office instead of a lot of writing.  This definitely needs to change.  I want to have a place for everything in my office and everything in it’s place.

Right now this girl is definitely not on fire, but I would like to be.  I think I’m going to use “Girl on Fire” as my 2018 mantra.   I want to be able to describe and/or think of myself as a girl on fire.   Moving toward her goals and not letting anyone stop her.  I’m going to put this on my bulletin board (which only has a picture of snoopy hugging woodstock on it.  I know.  Sad.  It could be used for so much more) and look at it every day.

A girl on fire who writes everyday.  That’s me.

What is your mantra for 2018?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Week 1 NaNoWriMo Things Learned

821 words typed on Wed.                                                                                                                  1,968 Thurs.                                                                                                                                              1,727 Fri.                                                                                                                                                         0 Sat.          I wrote a couple of scenes in long hand but didn’t type anything.                       979 Sun.                                                                                                                                                  1,152 Mon.                                                                                                                                                   933 Tues.

7,580 Total for the week.

My goal for the week was 11,900 words.

I’m 4,320 words short.   Sure, I would have liked to hit my goal.  I didn’t, but l’ll share what I learned with you.

  1.   I’m still a super star even though I fell short of my goal.  I’m not going to beat myself up over it.   I’m proud of myself for starting and getting as far as I did.  I think that’s the most words I’ve ever written in a single week.

2.  I’ve haven’t been able to write in the morning.  I write when I get home.  Originally            I wanted to write in the morning, but that hasn’t worked.   For some scary reason I           look forward to writing when I get home.  What sucks is that my work probably                  suffers because I’m thinking about my characters and writing notes.  I’ve been                    taking the first ten minutes of my lunch break and my last break to start                               writing the scene I want to continue on later on that night.  I’ve been so engrossed              in my writing on my last ten minute break that I’ve been late coming back from                  break.  Whoops!  How am I suppose to return to work when my characters are                    still talking to me??????

     3.  This morning (actually yesterday morning…don’t ask) I’m writing this post long                  hand while I’m waiting to get my oil changed (stealing bits of time).  I’m finding it              difficult to write my post and write my 1,700 words, but I keep plunging                                forward.  Even if I write some of my words in longhand and don’t get to type it, I’m            still counting that as writing. I just didn’t get to type it so it doesn’t get added in to               my typed total for the day.

      4.  I’m stuck.  I could have wrote more words last night but I don’t know what                           direction I want to go in so I have to read through my notes and figure out my                     direction.  I’ve been writing notes and partial scenes for the last year and sticking               them in a file folder so my direction is somewhere in the file.  I just (I love the                     word just. I know it probably has no meaning and it may irritate some of you, but I         always use it.  I know it’s one habit I need to kick) have to find it.

5.  I have a haircut appointment tomorrow,  a acupuncture appointment on Friday                 and I’m going shopping with my mom, sister and niece for the weekend.  Also, we               are on 10 hours mandatory overtime starting today.  F*ck!  (Sorry)   My word                       count might suck for this week, but I will do my best.

6.  I’ve decided it’s not about the word count for me.  It’s about the experience.  It’s                  about learning things about myself and my characters. It’s about pushing me out                of my comfort zone and expanding my horizons.  It’s about making time to do                      what I love.  It’s about being gentle with myself instead of being a slave driver.  If                it takes me til Dec. 15th to get to 50,000 words then it does and that’s ok.

7.   If I haven’t read or commented on your blog I’m sorry.  Time is an issue                                  right now.  I try to read and comment when I can.  I just didn’t want anyone to                    think I forgot about them.  I’ll try to get back on schedule soon.

8.  I’m not having a hard time writing my 1,700 words.  It’s more of a time issue.                        What I’m having an issue with is what to do with all of the ideas for other projects              or blog posts that interrupt me while I’m writing my word count.   As I have                          mentioned before this has always been an issue for me and I have stopped                           writing because I didn’t know how to deal with the overflow of ideas coming to                   me.  I’m trying to work through this, but it’s still hard.  What I have been doing is               jotting down notes and putting them in a file folder (I love file folders!  I don’t buy             cheap or plain.  They have to have a cute design.  I’m a little anal when it comes to               my file folders) so after NaNoWriMo is over I have a starting point.

8.  I know this post is not probably going to come out in total paragraph form                            because of the numbers.  It didn’t.  I realized today that there is a preview button                at the top of  my page.  I never knew that little guy was up there.  There’s always                something  new to learn.  Yes, my page is screwed up. Sorry about that.  Don’t                      have  time to fix it right now.  I have to shower and go to my haircut appointment.              Crap, I still need to dry my jeans.  Gotta run.

9.  One more thing…doing this NaNoWriMo is fun.  I don’t have to worry about                         spelling, punctuation, sentence structure or paragraphing.  It’s great!

 

Thanks for reading and enjoy your day!!

 

 

 

 

 

Mental Talk

Did I take my morning medication?                                                                                              Maybe I should stop writing and go to the grocery store                                                              I wonder what the temp is outside                                                                                                      Is it still raining?  Maybe I should go look.

No! I tell myself.  Stay in your chair.  Keep writing.  You only have 1,200 more words to go.  I sigh and continue writing.

We should really cut the grass at the trailer today and rake the leaves.  Maybe I should call Steve if he wants to go.                                                                                                                  I wonder what laundry needs to be done.                                                                                        Did the mail come yet?  Maybe I should go look

Keep writing.  Keep going.  You only have 700 more words to write.  Ok. Ok.  I’ll continue.

Did I pay the Citi Card bill?                                                                                                                  I’m hungry.  Maybe I should make something to eat.                                                                      I wonder how my brother’s MRI went.   I wonder if my mom is home.  Maybe I should call her.                                                                                                                                                    I’m sick of overtime.  Maybe I should take a day a vacation this week to write.

Finally I’m done.  1,700 words.  It’s about time.  I didn’t think I could do it today.

I’m exhausted.  It’s hard to write and talk yourself into staying in your chair.  Sometimes I feel like a five year old in kindergarten who only likes recess.

 

 

 

 

 

NaNoWriMo Update

I decided I’m going to do NaNoWriMO!!

I’ve been going back and forth for the last couple of weeks whether to attempt NaNoWriMo or not because I have so many unfinished writing projects.  I decided what the heck? I might as well go for it.  What’s another unfinished writing project?

I know there will be some days or many that I won’t be able to write 3,000 words, but at least I can try.  I can’t wait to see what I come up with at the end of the month.  Will my original idea stay on track and with the ending I’ve written notes about or will it veer off into a totally different direction?  I hope to stay on track.  Over the last couple of months I’ve written notes on almost every chapter so I can’t really see myself veering off track, but as we all know anything is possible.

I’m interested to see how my brain works over the course of 30 days.  The closer the deadline comes the more I ask myself what if something comes up, when will I time if we continue to be on ten hours of overtime, what if, what if, what if?   Then later on, when I’m calm, I feel confident and know that I can do this.

I can’t wait to get my characters out of my head, on paper and let them live!  These characters have been running around in my head for the last couple of months and they need to leave.  I’m hoping to write my 3,000 words in the morning before work and then to let my ideas simmer in my head until my last break pr when I get home and I can write an outline of what I want to write the next day.

The main character of my novel is a greedy, arrogant man who lives in a world where money and prestige are the only things that matter.  He’s not married and comes home to an empty house every night.  The only people he is close to is his housekeeper, his butler and his secretary.  He doesn’t have time for his only sister and brother in law or niece or nephew because he needs to make money so he can keep up his status.  Of course, his world falls down around him and he realizes he doesn’t know who his sister is.  He doesn’t know her favorite color or food to eat.  He isn’t comfortable with admitting his sister isn’t as rich as he is nor does she have the status he has.  Over the course of the novel he comes to realize that money isn’t everything and you can’t do anything with it after you are dead!

That’s all I’m giving away for now.  I’m thinking about posting the opening scene/first chapter to see what your opinion is, but we’ll see about that.  I hate the fact that I feel the scene in my head is so great and then when I get it on paper I don’t feel the same way.  Sometimes not even close.  Do you feel this way too?  I wonder why that is.

I’m going to go read through the rest of my notes before I go to bed and try to get them in some kind of order.  I have the notes for the first couple of chapters in order, but after that my notes are a mess.

Wednesday is the November 1st and the start date to begin my novel.  I’ll try to post something on that day.  Also, I’ve been tossing around the idea of doing some quick posts (QP) on my non posting days.  There I go again getting ahead of myself.  Oh well…..

Happy November!  Happy Novel Writing!

Another Gentle Push

I was in the Karma and Luck store (Love Love Love this store!!!) in Harrah’s hotel in Las Vegas last week.  It’s a very cool store that sells stones and stone jewelry.  I bought three stones — rose quartz, amethyst and camelian.  Rose quartz promotes universal love.  Amethyst promotes health and beauty.  Camelian promotes sensuality, manifestation and creativity.  I’ve been told to put these stones in my purse or pants pocket, under my pillow or on my desk.   It works.  When I put the abundance rock in my pocket I found a $50 at the mini mart, later on that week I found a $20 on the floor at work and I won $100 on a lottery ticket.

I felt totally at home in this store.  I love this stuff.  The power of stones, karma, dreams, past lives.  I have always been drawn to this kind of stuff ever since I was a little kid.   As I walked about of the store and down the hall a little voice in my head said to me “You’re not doing what you’re suppose to be doing.  You’re not fulfilling your purpose.” This wasn’t the first time I’ve heard this voice.  In the past I have either ignored the voice or pushed it down.  Deep in my heart I know I’m not doing what I’m suppose to be doing, but bills need to be paid and things need to get done.  I know that my calling and where I am at in my life are on totally different ends of the spectrum, but I’m scared to bring them closer together.

As I continued walking I decided that I’m going to listen to that voice.  I’m going to own who I am today and I’m going to do something every day to get closer to my calling every day.  I know…..easier said than done.

How did my life get so out of whack?  I think it’s because I don’t listen to myself.  I don’t know that part of myself.  I don’t take the time to get to know that part of myself.  I don’t make time for that part of myself.  The one thing I do know is that I have to get to know that part of myself.

This trip to Vegas has been very eye opening for me.  It’s been different.  My husband brought one of his coworkers along.  It was his first time to Vegas.  While the guys bonded (no alcohol involved) I was able to spend time with myself.  I loved that.

When we flew out early Tuesday morning I wrote for an hour on the plane while they watched tv.  After we landed I shared with James some of my favorite things about Vegas — the botanical gardens and the water show at the Bellagio hotel,  playing the Hangover slot machine, shopping at The Dragon’s Lair at the Excalibur hotel, watching the gondolas at the Venetian Hotel and gambling at Treasure Island hotel.  This got me thinking…..I do my favorite things in Vegas, but I can’t remember the last time I did one of my favorite things at home.  Wait.  I did get a pedicure before my trip.  I get so caught up in the day to day stuff that I forget about my favorite things or what they even are.  How is possible that I can’t even tell you what five of my favorite things are right now?  That’s sad.

On Thursday morning around 9 a.m. we went to the Barrett Jackson car auction.  (another one of my favorite things I love to watch on tv) at Mandalin Bay Hotel.  After walking around for three hours, I left the guys and went off on my own.  I did some shopping, talked to my mom, wrote for an hour and then met up with the guys for supper.

On Friday morning we went to the memorial site of the victims of the shooting.  I was ok until I stood in front of the 1st cross and I looked down the row of fifty eight crosses.  I cried.  All of these people lost their lives around the same time.  It was the first time I had been to something like this.  I was amazed at the notes from family and friends, the poems, balloons, candles and all of the other trinkets people left.  It was moving.  I could feel how much the 58 people were loved.  Seeing something like this definitely puts things in perspective.

It made me realize that I need to think about how I’m going to put more of the me I keep hidden inside of me and my favorite things into my life.  I need to share this part of myself with others and put it into my writing.  I need to start to getting comfortable with that part of myself.  I’m not sure how I’m going to do that yet, but I’m going to try.

I definitely learned a lot about myself during my vacation.  I’m grateful my husband had James along so I could spend some time by myself and let things come to the surface.

It was a another gentle push to become more of the me I’m suppose to be.

Thank you, God.

A Try At Poetry

We lay in bed side by side

My back is snuggled against your belly

Your arm is wrapped around my front

Our fingers entwined

I feel loved and protected

I close my eyes and sigh

My favorite way to fall asleep

 

I don’t know why, but I woke up at 3 am this morning with this poem (is it even a poem?) in my head.  I normally don’t write poetry nor do I read it so I don’t even know what to classify the above as.

What I have been trying to do is get my writing out of my head and on paper.  I have a lot of ideas swimming inside of my head that I need to get out, but I’m not sure some of the ideas are even worth writing down.  Sometimes what I feel is awesome in my head doesn’t necessarily come out as awesome on paper.

I feel I have too many essays, blog posts and other writing adventures started, but nothing is finished.  I am close to finishing some, but not others.  I am currently working on the projects that are close to being done, but the other projects that I’m not working on demand attention in my head as well.

In the past I have started writing and then quit because I was overwhelmed with too many ideas in my head.  I would start and quit.  Start and quit.  I didn’t know how to deal with current writing projects and new ideas that come into my head.

This is what I am trying to deal with right now — not to become overwhelmed.  To give myself time to work on projects and time to write notes for upcoming projects.  Basically to give all of the voices in my head a voice.

I think it’s pretty cool to wake up at 3 a.m. with the possibility of a poem in my head.  It shows me I’m expanding and I’m excited about that.

I’m happy with possible poem.  What are your thoughts on my possible poem?  Is it good?  Does it suck?  Is it even a poem?  I would like to hear all of your thoughts — positive or negative.

Thanks for reading.  I appreciate all of you.

 

I Think I Might Try NaNoWriMo

Did you know that November is National Novel Month?  I didn’t.  I never heard of it before.

NaNoWriMo is a writing project that challenges you to commit to writing 50,000 words in the month of November while writing the first draft of a novel.  At the end of 30 days you’re not suppose to have a ready manuscript to submit to a publisher.  You are only suppose to finish your first draft.

This sounds very interesting and has me thinking….

I have a novel that is swimming around in my head.  I have written small parts of chapters and figured out some characters, but nothing more.  My notes are all in a folder on my couch.   I keep writing bits and pieces and  putting them in the folder.  I was going to look at the folder this weekend because I would like to organize my notes and see where I am and where I would like to go.

Doing NaNoWriMo would be a huge challenge —  an emotional and time challenge.  This would take huge amounts of time.  I think I would basically have to give up the month of November, but what’s the big deal.   It’s snowing and cold so there’s nothing to do outside.  The camper will be closed so my weekends are free.  Who cares if the house is clean or if supper is made 🙂

I would like to do this to see if I can finish a novel in 30 days or to see how far I get.  It would be interesting to see how many words I can write in a month, what roadblocks come up and how I would deal with them, and how I would push myself to write.

I would have to write 1,667 words a day.  The number is a little daunting.  I post 500 to 800 words twice a week.  The daily goal would be like writing two or three blog posts a day.  I think that would be doable, but tough.  Maybe once I got into the groove of writing that much a day it wouldn’t be bad.  Or maybe it would still be bad.  I don’t know.

All I know is that I would like to try it.  I think it’s time to expand my life a little.

I think I’m going to go check out their blog (blog.nanowrimo.org) to see if I can learn more about what I want to get myself into.

I know I need to keep my expectations low.  I realize at that end of November I’m not going to have a novel ready to send to a publisher.  Nor am I going to be signing a million dollar contract.  But what I might have is a wonderful first draft of a novel that I can edit in 2018 or I might have a crappy first draft of a novel that I toss because it sucks that bad.

You never know until you try.

I’ll keep you posted on whether I decide to do it or not.

Have you or anyone you know tried NaNoWriMo?  I’m very interested in hearing what other people’s opinions are.