We have been on 9 hours voluntary overtime for the last four days at work.
Guess what? I haven’t worked an hour. I could of but I didn’t.
You know why? I don’t want to. I don’t have to. I’m not going to. I’m taking advantage of it because I don’t know how long it’s going to last.
Do you know what the sad thing is? I feel guilty not working it.
Why? We just bought a house and we need things — like a new furnace and a/c. Other people are working it so I feel I should to. It’s the right thing to do. Blah. Blah. Blah.
It’s been very hard not to stay, but I haven’t. There’s work so I could find something to do for that last hour.
It’s been extremely hard to give that extra hour to myself. I told myself I don’t have to work that extra hour if I write for an hour. Each day I’ve been writing an hour or more. Don’t I deserve an extra hour in my day to do what I want with? Instead of helping my company make money and achieve their goals. What about my goals?
But I feel guilty. A coworker’s mom had surgery today. I should go in and help out. Right? I’m a team player.
The thing is is that I need to ask myself when am I going to help myself? When am I going to dedicate my time to my writing like I do my job? When am I going to help Team Me? If I’m going to be a writer than I need to write. Every. Day. Not just when I don’t have to work.
I need the hour to myself. So what if I don’t have any overtime on one check (you know these 8 hour days aren’t going to last forever). It’s not going to break me.
I need to stop giving my time and dedication to my employer. Instead I need to give it to myself. Even if it means giving up five hours of overtime a week.
I need to stop feeling guilty and be proud that I’m giving myself the time to do something I love and that I’m passionate about.
Stepping out and exploring myself and what I am capable of is scary. Maybe that’s why I feel guilty not working the overtime. My focus is on myself instead of the company I work for. They frown upon that.
I can feel the scale tipping more toward me. Maybe I’m beginning to see that there are other options out there and maybe it’s time I started exploring them.
My talent and I are definitely worth that hour.