The Back Story

I know the letter I wrote to P in my last post was kinda rough so let me explain and give you the back story.

P is a nice woman, but the drives me nuts.  She can’t make a decision to save her soul.  Case in point:  if someone is selling Girl Scout cookies she has to call her husband to see what kind she should order.  (Not me.  I order my favorite cookie and hide them so I can eat them when I want to).

She tries to make everyone happy and put everyone’s needs before her own.  You and I know that you can’t make everyone happy so why try.  What it boils down to is that you need to make yourself happy and she doesn’t have a clue on how to put herself first or make herself happy.

I think if she asserted herself her world would fall apart around her and she wouldn’t know what to do on her own.

I just can’t deal with that behavior anymore.  I’ve worked hard to get to where I am.  Especially after menopause kicked in.  I’ve went to counseling and read books and wrote in my journal.  I started my blog.  I try to do one thing a week that scares me.  I’ve change.  I’m a different person.

I don’t drag my feel (well sometimes…).  I don’t blame my problems on other people.  I am hands on.  I am straight forward.  I like to learn new things.  I don’t take no for an answer.

I am a strong, independent woman.  I’m not afraid to speak up for myself.  I need to speak up for myself.  I want to speak up for myself.

I am in control of my life (for the most part).  I know where I want to go and what crap I am going to put up with.  If any.

I want to work with people who lift me up and support me.  That will motivate me to achieve my dreams.  That will call me on my shit and won’t put up with it.  I want positive people around me who love to learn and grow and encourage me to do the same.

Unfortunately these are not qualities she possesses.  I don’t they will ever be qualities she possesses.

I can’t pussy foot around the situation anymore so I try to stay away.  I will only help her if I have to and that time will be limited.  If I have to, I will sit down with my boss and her boss and tell them how I feel.  Not that it will do any good.  Work is work and I get that.  I just need to get it off of my chest.  They need to know how I feel and why.

She drives everyone nuts.  It’s not just me.  They get it.

She drains me because she talks about the same thing day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year.  Nothing changes.  It can’t because she won’t change.

I want to move forward.  I want to change.  I want to grow.

I want to be a better person.

Sometimes in life you have to leave people behind.  I choose to leave J behind.  As mean as that sounds it’s something I have to do.  I can’t have someone bringing me down all of the time.

I have to do what is best for me.  Whether she gets it or not.