love – Chrissy's Fab 50's

I Love Sending Christmas Cards

I don’t know why, but I love to sending Christmas cards. Some people call me crazy. Some people think I am too in depth. Some people think I spend too much time and or money. I don’t care. I love to do it!

I am very picky about the Christmas cards I send. I don’t send cheap cards. The cards I send have to have a nice picture on the front and a meaningful saying on the inside. The cards I send hold a special meaning to me and I hope they mean something special to the receiver. I am sending a part of myself and what I believe and what I hold deep in my heart. I want them to be special.

I usually buy special pens to write on the inside with. Sometimes I buy silver and gold pens and sometimes I buy red and green pens. They can’t be any pen. They have to feel nice in my hand and they have to write nice. This year I didn’t like the silver and gold pens I bought so I used red and green pens I had at home instead. I usually write the name of the person(s) in red, then I write Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in green and then I write love, steve and chrissy in red or vice versa. Sometimes I do write special messages inside, but usually I don’t.

I usually address the front of the card with regular black or blue ink, but in the middle of the back of the envelope I stamp a saying or picture. This year I stamped a snowman holding up its arms and above his arms is a heart. To me it looks like the snowman is giving the heart to the person who opens the envelope.

I love sending cards because I think it sets a good tone to the start of the Christmas season. To me sending cards is sending love. I’m letting the person know I am thinking of them this holiday season and that I love them.

I wrote out 29 cards today and I am not finished. I send special cards to my mom, sister and her family and my brother and my other brother and his girlfriend. I always give the mail man a card with $20 dollars in it. I’m sending out more cards this year than I normally would because I think with all of tragedies that happened this year the world needs more love, more happy moments, more smiles, more giving and more caring.

Today I’m sending you, my beloved readers, virtual hugs, love and warm holidays wishes for a very happy holiday season. Thanks so much for reading my blog, your comments, for sharing your stories with me and for helping me grow and become a better person and writer. Your support means more than you know.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Love, Chrissy

I Interrupt My Vacation….

To be honest, we returned home after midnight last night and I am dead tired. I just wanted to quickly share this fantastic book I starting reading on the plane with you. I wanted to buy an easy read for my flight, but I didn’t find anything I liked so I picked up the book below:

Only Love Today by Rachel Macy Stafford.

This book is beautiful. It is life changing. It has touched me in ways I didn’t expect. I was teary eyed on the plane and stopped reading for fear I would start crying uncontrollably. (Not that that would be a bad thing. I just didn’t want to start my vacation that way) This book will help you become a better parent, friend, and person. I highly recommend it.

Last week I commented on a blog called Wakinguponthewrongsideof50@wordpress.com about healing stuff that happened in our childhood. This book brought a lot of my issues from my childhood to the surface, showed me places where my inner child needs to be healed and gave me the words/phrases to help heal her.

I wish I had Rachel in my life when I was growing up. Thank you, Rachel, for writing this beautiful book. It’s worth every penny and more

Buy it. Read it. Live it.

I hope this book touches you like it has touched me.

LOVE….

Love is good

Love is kind

Love is patient

Love is healing

Love is energy

Love is motion

Love is fun

Love is laughter .

Love is freedom

Love is tender

Love is sweet

Love is freeing

Love is trust

Love is great

Love opens doors

Love allows you to be who you are

Love allows your true self to come to the surface

Love is balance

Love is happiness

Love allows you to gain yourself

Love is always there for me

Love is open communication

Love is telling you about me

Love accepts faults

Love is excitement

Love works

Love is self-acceptance

Love lasts

Love is strong.

Love never ends

I thought this list was pretty cool. I wrote it a long time ago. The date on the white loose leaf page reads 10-19-1992. I wanted to share it with you because with all of the bad things happening in the world we need to remember and focus on what love can do.

Love can change hearts

Why Do We Work? Surprise. Surprise.

Work. It’s something most of us do 40+ hours a week. But why? Why do we work? More importantly — why do you work?

Is it because it’s what you were told you were suppose to do since you were little? Because you want things? Because you have bills to pay and or kids to support? Because you want to make your parents happy?

Do you have the job that you have because it’s your career and you love it? Because it’s the job you have had since high school and you feel comfortable? Because you need money now and you can go after your dream job later?

I have worked with the same company for the last twenty years. I have had five different positions, but none of them really have fulfilled me. I have always felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole at work. I have always wanted to be a writer, but never went fully after my dream.

Until now.

Most of my job consists of sorting and picking orders. And the funny thing I realized last night while laying in bed is that my dad did the same job in a different company how thirty years ago. I always was a daddy’s girl and I always wanted to be like him. Isn’t it weird that I would have the same job as he had and not realize it? Am I that out of touch with my job self? If I always wanted to be like him then why wouldn’t I have the job as he had?

But the thing is is that I am not him. I am me and I am an adult. An adult who is capable of doing anything she wants and that includes being a writer. I don’t have to be like my dad job wise. I can be like him in other areas — honest, hard working, loving, kind, but I don’t have to do the same job he did.

Wow. I didn’t realize I was doing this. Why I am working in the same job as he did I don’t know. Wait. Yes I do. On some level I still want to be like him even though I am 52 years old and thought I was way past this. You would have thought I would have realized this sooner. I wish I would realized this sooner, but now that I realized this I feel like a weight has been lifted from me. I always wondered why I stayed at my job even thought it didn’t fulfill me. It’s funny that the things that are the closest to us are the things we don’t see.

This isn’t how I wanted this post to go. I have notes that I didn’t even look at (maybe I can use them for another post) because my truth came tumbling out of me. This is the beauty of writing — you have a plan, but then sometimes it gets derailed and something better comes of it. Sorry if parts don’t make sense.

I wonder what will happen now that I let go of the need to be who my dad was instead of being myself. It’s not a bad thing that I was who I was, but now it will be interesting to see how things will change. Maybe I will let go of my job. Maybe more writing opportunities will present themselves. Maybe a new me will emerge. Maybe nothing will happen. Who knows.

Please excuse me. I have to go. I’m going to starting revising the 2nd draft of my romance novel tonight. Wish me luck!

Fourth of July = grateful heart

The 4th of July always makes me teary eyed and very grateful for what I have.

Let me share with you what I am grateful for on this 4th of July:

I am grateful for my husband, my family, my in-laws and friends. I am very lucky to have these people in my life. They support us, guide us, and are there for us whenever we need them and for this I am grateful.

I am grateful for the four day holiday weekend the great company I work for gave me. It was very gracious of them to give us a floating holiday for Monday so that we could have a four day week. I sure needed it!

I am grateful for the job that I have and the income it provides to have the things that I want and need. I’m also grateful for the great friends that I have at work. We are a tight knit group. I couldn’t ask for better co-workers.

I am grateful I have the opportunity to write this blog, express myself and to share my story with people from all over the world and for them to share their story with me. Thank you!

I am grateful for the 5th wheel trailer and permanent campsite we have. My brother has the campsite next to ours and my brother-in-law and his wife have the campsite next to my brother. It’s close enough to family and friends so that they can drive out and share our weekend retreat with us. I’m grateful for anti gravity lounge chairs.

I am grateful to have a nice ranch house with a beautiful back yard to rent and the upcoming house we are going to purchase. Hopefully soon…..

I am grateful that I have a nice SUV to drive. Today I drove back from the campsite alone — Journey blasting from my CD player — along the Lake Michigan shoreline. The views were gorgeous. I love cruising!

I am blessed to live in the United States of America. We have many freedoms other countries don’t and I try not to take my freedom for granted. We are very fortunate and for that I am grateful.

God Bless the USA and all of the freedoms we have on this 4th of July.

I Pick Up Pennies

“Find a penny, pick it up, and all day you will have good luck” My dad would tell me he picked up a penny off of the ground.

Ever since I was little I remember my dad always picked up pennies and other coins and put them in his front pocket. He always had change in his front left pocket. I loved to listen to it jingle. Every night he would empty his pocket and put the change into a decorative glass bottle. My parents would use that money to go on vacation.

I would cringe as a teenager when my dad would check the coin return of a public phone or candy machine to see if anyone had left change in it and hoped nobody I knew saw him doing that. I didn’t understand why he did that. We weren’t poor. We always had food on the table. I just didn’t get it.

I started to save change when I was in high school. I, too, had a decorative glass bottle (probably found at a garage sale) that I kept in the front left corner of my closet. I could see my change bottle from my bed. I was proud of my change. “Dad, look at how much change I have!” I would say to him. He would smile. I picked up coins, too, but I didn’t dig in any coin returns.

30+ years later I still save my change. My husband and I have a big Coke bottle bank that we put our silver coins in and a small Coke bank that we put our pennies in. The big Coke bottle holds so much change we have to put it in two buckets when we take it to the bank. We don’t use our change to go on vacation. We use it as our emergency fund.

I even save our change when we go to Vegas. I always have a plastic baggie in my purse and all our change comes home with us. If someone leaves a ticket from a slot machine for a penny or seven cents I cash it in and put it in my change baggie. So, in that way, I guess I am more like my dad than I realize.

I still pick up coins, but I look at it a little differently now. Since my dad passed every time I pick up a coin I say “Hi Dad”. For me they aren’t pennies from Heaven, they are coins from Heaven. It’s my dad saying “hi” and letting me know he is with me.

I finally understand why he looked in those change returns. It wasn’t because we needed money. It was because it was free money and it added money to our vacation fund. The more money that was in there the more stuff we could do. I didn’t realize it then but my dad was teaching me a life long lesson.

Save your money.

And I do. I have a cup in my truck that I put change in. I have a small coin purse I keep change in at work. My husband has a plastic coffee can in his semi. We even keep our change at the trailer in a Coke straw holder we bought in Vegas.

Change is good!

I Miss My Dad Today

I’m not a big fan of Father’s Day since my dad passed away two and a half years ago. It’s not the same. It hurts and I don’t know what to do to fill that void.

I never thought I would be the one to go to the cemetery to visit his crypt or to put flowers in the vase or hang a teddy bear on the vase, but I do. I want the people that look at his crypt to know he was loved and that we visit to show our love.

Instead of spending time with him today I went to his crypt. Even though it’s been two and half years I still get teary eyed. I miss him so much. I was daddy’s girl and now I’m without a daddy and I hate it.

Today when I kissed my hand and then touched my hand to his name on the crypt it sounded like a hollow knock. For a brief moment I wondered if he would answer, but then I remembered where I was and that that wasn’t possible.

I wish I could open the crypt and give him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I don’t doubt he’s around. I can feel his presence. When I smell cigarette smoke when no one else is around I know he’s with me. I hated the fact that he smoked so now he’s picking on me from the other side with the smell I hate and he’s probably laughing about it.

I miss him.

I miss seeing him sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette.

I miss him joking around.

I miss him saying “Hey kid”.

I miss him asking me “How the big guy (my husband)?” when I walked in the front door.

I miss watching football with him.

I miss his hugs and his smile.

I miss my dad. My life isn’t the same without him.

I miss him.

Every. Single. Day.

Father’s Day is the hardest day to get through because I know other people are spending time with their dad and I’m not.

When I walked around the campground this morning I saw a family with four small kids — two boys and two girls — and it brought me back to when I was young and my mom, dad, my two brothers, and my sister would go camping in our pop-up.

He was a good dad and a good man. He taught me to smile, to be nice and to always give back. And he taught me to shoot pool like a shark. He had such a big heart and was a very giving man.

Happy Father’s Day Dad. Thank you for all that I am and all you have given me.

I love you.

I Love The Artwork Of Kelly Rae Roberts!!

I’m so excited! In a month or so I get to have my own office. My own office. It was part of the deal my husband and I made when we started looking for a house. He gets the garage he wants and I get my own office. Right now we share an office. It’s really not a big deal. He’s not a bother. I just want my own space.

Having my own office means I get to decorate it the way I want and I’m really excited to do this. I have been a big fan of Kelly Rae Roberts for the last couple of years. Her artwork speaks to my soul. Her artwork gives me courage to move forward in my life. It’s like she knows what I am thinking deep inside and her artwork is the answer to my inner yearnings.

Kelly believes that artwork heals and that we have to make our own rules. She used to be a medical social worker, but then she started experimenting with art. She creates the coolest stuff. She even has painting e courses. She has definitely found her calling and I love what she creates. (go check out her website @ kellyraeroberts.com. I’m sorry but I don’t know how to link things yet.)

I have her 2017 calendar (which I found on accident – well maybe not). For the month of June there is a beautiful butterfly and the words “Allow the Unfolding”. I love butterflies. To me butterflies represent change and with this upcoming move I am in the middle of a big change. “Allow the Unfolding” OMG! That is me going through every piece of what I own and asking myself if this is going to be something in need in the last half of my life. It means to let things happen and take time to deal with the emotions and move forward. That it’s ok to move forward and have the life that I want and to make my dreams come true.

Since I turned 50 I knew I wanted my 50’s to be fabulous and part of that fab is to follow my passion to write. I need to let go of all of the preconceived notions I had about being a writer and all of the times I have sent query letters to magazines that weren’t interested in publishing my soul work and listen to stirring of my soul. I need to examine my writing self and see what is truly there. In comes my office…..

One of the reasons I’m so excited about my new office is I get to paint it any color I want. I’m thinking of a light yellow. I want to paint a portion of one wall with chalkboard paint so can write a list or draw or do whatever I want.

This office gives me a chance to explore myself and find out who I really am as a writer (That’s partially why I started this blog). It gives me a place to put all of my books. I can have all of my writing in one place instead of in my office and on the coffee table in the living room. I can’t wait to have my rocking chair in my office so I can rock and read. It’s my “ME” room.

I think it’s important in our 50’s to have what speaks to us close to us and I can’t wait to have more Kelly Rae Roberts in my office. Maybe a print on every wall….

Thanks Kelly for all that you do! You’re amazing 🙂

I Am Grateful Today

There’s a lot of stuff stressing me out lately. I’ve been grinding my teeth and I am probably kind of difficult to be around — at home and at work.

We are purchasing a house or trying to….there’s been problems on the sellers side. We’ve done everything we can on our end. We had the home inspection a couple of weeks ago and we have all of our paper work in order, but that is still not making it any easier. I never thought buying a house would be this hard.

We are on ten hours of mandatory overtime a day and I don’t want to work it. We haven’t been very busy this year at work and we’ve only on voluntary overtime so I have been taking it easy and not working the overtime. I’m down sixty hours of overtime from last year.

Even though my mom and sister and I had a garage sale in April and I sold a ton of stuff I still have more stuff than I thought I did. I am overwhelmed because I don’t want to deal with my being a hoarder in some areas in my life (like my book collection). How did I collect so much stuff and not know I had it? Probably because I put it in a cabinet in the basement.

I spent the afternoon with my sister and had a great time talking and eating pizza on my back deck. We laughed and goofed around. Relaxed.

After she left I sat in my husband’s recliner in the living room and looked at the mess in front of me. Screw it! I said out loud. This stuff can wait til tomorrow. For the rest of the day I’m not going to stress on my problems — instead I’m going to be grateful.

Grateful for the great apartment I’m currently renting from my cousin and all of things I have in it and around it.

Grateful that I have a job and that I’m given the opportunity to work overtime and make damn good money working it.

Grateful for the sellers for selling the great house so that we can buy it and that I get my own office that I can’t wait to decorate and write and create in.

Grateful for the great family, in laws and friends I have who are always there for me and love me just the way I am.

Grateful for readers who read and follow my blog. Your support, encouragement and kind words mean the world to me.

Grateful for my wonderful, caring and amazing husband who I get to share this amazing journey called life with.

Are you grateful today? Please share your reasons with me. We can be grateful together.

I Love Books!

I love books! I love to read. I love the way a book feels in my hand. I love to look at my book collection. I love the fact that there is so many of them to choose from.

Books talk to me. Some books strike a chord in me. Buy me! Read me! They taunt me. I can’t go into a bookstore without buying one. Even when I’m in the airport boookstore and my carry-on is full, I am taking pictures of books I want to read when I get home with my phone.

I think I may be a book whore.

I have over a 100 books in my collection. They vary in genre — fiction, romance, self-help, writing, weight loss and financial. Louise Hay and Nora Roberts are my two favorite authors.

My love of books is a gift my mom gave me when I was little and she used to read to me before bed. I read all the way through grade school, middle school and high school and knew the school libraries very well along with our public library. I was always bringing home books, but never read them all. I still do this today when I go to the library. I know I’m not going to read them all, but I still bring them home anyway.

Maybe it’s because inside I think the book will help me get closer to my dreams or fix something in my life. Maybe give me a key to a door I feel is locked. Maybe there is a part of my life that needs to be healed. Or maybe I just need to get lost in someone else’s life for awhile. It makes me appreciate my life more.

I have books in my office, in our bedroom, in the living room and in the basement. I buy them at bookstores, thrift stores and garage sales.

Do I have too many books? Probably. Will I read them all? Probably not. And this is ok.

I’m 52 and I deserve to have what I love surround me.

And I love books!