I’m not a big fan of Father’s Day since my dad passed away two and a half years ago. It’s not the same. It hurts and I don’t know what to do to fill that void.
I never thought I would be the one to go to the cemetery to visit his crypt or to put flowers in the vase or hang a teddy bear on the vase, but I do. I want the people that look at his crypt to know he was loved and that we visit to show our love.
Instead of spending time with him today I went to his crypt. Even though it’s been two and half years I still get teary eyed. I miss him so much. I was daddy’s girl and now I’m without a daddy and I hate it.
Today when I kissed my hand and then touched my hand to his name on the crypt it sounded like a hollow knock. For a brief moment I wondered if he would answer, but then I remembered where I was and that that wasn’t possible.
I wish I could open the crypt and give him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.
I don’t doubt he’s around. I can feel his presence. When I smell cigarette smoke when no one else is around I know he’s with me. I hated the fact that he smoked so now he’s picking on me from the other side with the smell I hate and he’s probably laughing about it.
I miss him.
I miss seeing him sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette.
I miss him joking around.
I miss him saying “Hey kid”.
I miss him asking me “How the big guy (my husband)?” when I walked in the front door.
I miss watching football with him.
I miss his hugs and his smile.
I miss my dad. My life isn’t the same without him.
I miss him.
Every. Single. Day.
Father’s Day is the hardest day to get through because I know other people are spending time with their dad and I’m not.
When I walked around the campground this morning I saw a family with four small kids — two boys and two girls — and it brought me back to when I was young and my mom, dad, my two brothers, and my sister would go camping in our pop-up.
He was a good dad and a good man. He taught me to smile, to be nice and to always give back. And he taught me to shoot pool like a shark. He had such a big heart and was a very giving man.
Happy Father’s Day Dad. Thank you for all that I am and all you have given me.
I love you.
