My Mom Is My World

I think the older we get the more we appreciate our mother.  We appreciate what she sacrificed so that we could have what we needed growing up.  We appreciate the lessons she taught (even if we didn’t understand why til now).  We appreciate the words of wisdom, the wiping away of tears, smiles and words of encoragement.

I don’t have any kids so maybe it took me longer to realize how many things she did sacrifice for me and my siblings and what it meant overall to the well being of our family.

I was always a daddy’s girl.  When I was younger my dad came first and my mom came second, but the older I became the more I confided in her and spent time with her and the more important she became.  As I grew older I think my mom became more important and my dad slowly took second place.  It’s not that I wasn’t a daddy’s girl anymore it’s just that he couldn’t give me advice on wifely things or give me the female perspective on menopause.

My dad passed away over two years ago.  I have realized over this time that my mom was the rock and still is the rock of our family.   Her love and devotion to all of us is the glue that holds our family together.  She is always there for us whenever we need her — day or night — to listen or to help us with whatever we need help with.  Her strength helped us grieve my dad’s death and keep his memory alive.

As I get older I realize how much she has shaped my world and I wouldn’t trade her for the world.  I bought her a heart shaped piece of wood that had the following words written on it:

To the world you are a mom, but to me you are the world.

My mom is my world.

Thanks, Mom!  I love you!

 

Why I Keep A Journal

I have been keeping a journal as long as I can remember.  I have always been somewhat of a loner so putting my thoughts on paper was always easier for me than talking face to face with someone.  When I was younger I didn’t have a lot of confidence nor did I have the courage to tell people what I truly going on inside so I took a pen to paper instead.

Now I keep a journal  for different reasons.  Even though I still am kind of a loner I keep a journal to work through my past issues and not let those issues cloud today.   I don’t write in it everyday like I probably should, but I do write in it periodically.

Writing in my journal helps me deal with what is bothering me.  I can keep things that are bothering me swimming in my head because I don’t want to deal with them or I can put my thoughts on paper and deal with them.

There is something bothering me today that I need to write in my journal about but I am afraid.  I am afraid of letting it come to the surface and dealing with it because I’m not sure what other feelings are under what I am feeling and I’m not sure how to deal with it.  I know I should (I’m shoulding on myself a lot today aren’t I?).  Once I start I’m sure it won’t be so bad.

What is bothering me is an issue I learned about from my parents.  It’s nothing terrible.  It’s just something I learned about an issue that was far away from us when I was growing up.  But now that issue is close to me and I know what I learned is clouding my judgement and I really need to sort through my feelings.  I’m afraid to because I know my life is going to move forward and even though this is what I want I am still afraid.

Ok.  Sigh…..I’m going to go write in my journal now.

Have a great day!

 

Don’t Be Afraid To Learn As You Go

I was scared to death to start this blog.  Would people read it?  Would people like it?  Or would it be a complete utter flop?

I noted on my about me page that I would post every Wednesday and Sunday.  This didn’t always happen.  I was scared and let my fear get in the way of what I really wanted to do.

I stopped posting for a couple of weeks.  Actually, I stopped and restarted…..twice.   At that time I didn’t know that WordPress had so much information on line and I was so overwhelmed with posting every week and all that I had to learn that I gave up because I didn’t know where to start.

One day I realized that if I wanted to have a successful blog I needed to commit and post EVERY Wednesday and Sunday.   Even if I’m scared, tired (which I am now), have a million things going on or I have worked ten hours at my shipping job I still need post when I say I’m going to post.

I have to make it happen even if I feel like it or not.  If I want my dreams to come true I have to try.  I have to make my dream a priority in my life.  I need to give my dream the time and space it deserves.  Or why bother having a dream if you can’t do what it takes to make it a reality.

I’m 52.  I’m not 22.  I don’t have my whole life in front of me anymore.  I have a finite amount of time left (hopefully it’s 30 years or more — I still have a lot of things I want to do) and I better damn well make the best of it.

I realize that I can’t let me fear guide me.  Even though there’s a ton of stuff I need to learn about blogged I can still write my posts every week while I learn.  My blog doesn’t need to be perfect right away.  My blog is a work in progress and I can learn while I post every week.

Go, Chrissy, Go!!!

What Does A Fabulous Life Consist Of?

For me a fabulous life consists of the following:

—  Needs being met.

—  Being in a place where you are happy, loved and content.

—  Having a job you love.

—  Having good people around you.

—  Having room to explore what interests you in and outside of work.

—  Having time to relax and unwind.

—  Having the money to do what you want to do and that you love to do.

—  Having the time to practice what you believe spiritually.

—  Having time to walk, workout or whatever you do for exercise.

—  Being able to give back or pay it forward.

—  Having the time and resources to follow your dreams.

Is my life fab?  Some days….. I have a long way to go before all of the items of the checklist above are crossed off, but I’m getting there.

I used to think a fab life was being Oprah or one of the Kardashian’s.  Tons of money, luxurious vacations, huge houses with servants and chefs, kick ass cars, etc, but I don’t think that’s a fab life anymore.  It’s more of a life of privilege, but not necessarily fabulous.

I think we can each have our own fab life on our own terms whatever way we think is fabulous.  I know that the definition is going to be different for each of us.  I know your lists isn’t going to be the same as mine.

Take a moment today to think about your life.  Are you happy?  Is your life what you imagined it would be?  Are you living the way you want to?

Maybe it’s time to create your fab life.  If you did, what would it consist of?

Take A Dirt Road

Two days ago I was driving home from our trailer and instead of getting on the interstate to get home I decided to take the back roads.

I had no clue where I was or what the next town was.  I just knew if I kept heading south I would end up at home.

I haven’t taken the back roads in a long, long time.  I used to drive the back roads when I was single and I needed the think thru a problem.  The open road, load music and  fresh air usually helped me solve my problems.

I love taking the back roads.   I love seeing the rolling acres of farm fields and the cows standing or walking lazily in the fields.  I love having the windows rolled down and the tunes cranked.

After ten minutes of seeing farm field after farm field fear settled in my belly and I was getting nervous.  I still didn’t know where I was.   I didn’t recognize anything I was passing.  What if I got lost?  What if I broke down?  Where would I tell my husband I was?  How would he find me?  I wasn’t looking at any road signs so I couldn’t tell him what highway/road I was on.

I looked at my dash.  I had a fourth of a tank of gas left and I was still going south.  I was fine, but I didn’t feel fine.  Why was I so afraid?

Deep down I knew that I would get home safe and sound so why didn’t I just relax and go with the flow?  So what if I didn’t know where was for fifteen minutes?  Would it kill me?  No.

As I headed south I wondered when the last time was that I took a risk like this.  Why wasn’t I doing this more often?  Getting out of my comfort zone and taking a risk?

The last thing I did that scared the crap out of me was starting this blog, but really nothing since.

Up ahead I saw the road curved, but there was a dirt road that I could go straight on so for shits and giggles I took the dirt road.  I thought somewhere up ahead the road would be cemented, but it was dirt for two or three miles.  Fear set in again, but I took a deep breath and enjoyed the ride.  I knew either somewhere ahead I would hit a real road or I would have to turn around and go back (which I really didn’t want to do).   The dirt road finally ended and I turned left onto the cement road.

Five miles down the road and about a half hour into my drive I sighed as I saw a familiar road sign.  I knew where I was!!  Yeah.  I took familiar roads I knew to get home.  It was beginning to rain and I was done with my adventure for the day.

Instead of taking me 45 minutes to get home it took me an hour and fifteen.  What I learned is that maybe I need more adventure in my life.  Why wasn’t I doing more things that scared me?  If I wanted my fifties to be fabulous I would have to get out of my comfort zone and do things that scared me.

Like going after the writing career that I have always dreamed of in my head, but have been afraid to pursue out loud.

I think my three goals for this week is to figure out a tagline for my blog, figure out how to collect people’s email addresses and post a post on First Fridays for everyone to read.  So far I have only told my niece about my blog, but I haven’t let her read it.   I know.  Silly isn’t it?  Fear.

I will let you know how things go.

What are you afraid of?  Please share your story.  Let’s encourage each other and get unafraid together.

 

Why I Started My Blog

I started my blog to share my journey through my fifties with others.

I didn’t want the black roses or going downhill to describe the start of my fifties.

I want my fifties to be fabulous  I want each year to be better than the last and I want to put more of myself in every year.

I want to give myself the time and space (away from the hustle and bustle of every day life)  to figure out who I really am and what I really want.  I want to learn how to listen to myself and be my best self.  I want to get to know myself better.

I want to give myself the time to do what I like to do and what is important to me.  I want to look at my life and my priorities and reorganize my life.    I want to listen to my yearnings and give them a chance to come to life.

I want to write.  I have always wanted to write and this is something that I need to make a priority.

I want my fifties to be different than the other years I have lived.  I don’t to speed through life on automatic pilot.  I want to be present.  Fully present.

Hopefully sharing my journey will encourage others that their fifties can be fabulous too!

 

What I learned At The Garage Sale

I made $209 at the garage sale we had on Thursday and Friday.  Yeah!!

I’m really happy that I made $209 and I was able to get rid of a lot of unused stuff, but what is most important is that I spent time laughing, talking and eating with my family.

My two brothers, my sister and I hung out with our mom.  We laughed as we remembered silly stuff we did when we were kids with the neighbor kids.

Family is important.  It’s very important.  Spending time together — whether it’s going to a doctor’s appointment, shopping for an hour or two and then grabbing something to eat or just sitting on the porch talking — is something we need to.

Life is short.  We need to make time for what is important.

I am grateful for my family and all of the great people that I have in my life.

Thank you, God.