A Gentle Push

Thanks again ,to Anita at Discovering Your Happiness, for nominating me for the Liebster Award.  I am still super excited about it.

I thought it would be easy to write my award post.  A piece of cake.  All I had to do was copy and drop the award picture and figure out what blogs I wanted to nominate and link their blogs to my post.

It wasn’t as easy as I thought.  It took me an hour to figure out how to copy and paste the award picture and I still haven’t figure out how to link.  Oh well.  Everything needs a starting point.

I am grateful for the award, but I think I am more grateful for the gentle push by Anita to get me out of my comfort zone.  I have wanted to update my picture for awhile now.  I don’t like to be a white ball when I like someones post.  My favorite picture is Anita’s.  I love how she has the words around the outside of the circle and the symbol in the middle.  Also, there’s couple of things I wanted to change on my blog to make it more me, but I kept putting it off and putting it off.

Until now.

Anita asked me two questions that really stuck a chord in me.   Her questions were:         Where I see myself in five years?  Where do I see my blog in the next five years?

My answer to myself in five years.  Geez.  I am 52.  I don’t even want to think about being 57.  Honestly, I don’t want to think about this.  It scares me.  I don’t feel 52.  I don’t act like I’m 52.  Although, I am starting to move like I’m 52.  Ladies, I know you know what I am talking about.  Trying to walk after you’ve been sitting awhile…it takes a couple to steps to get your legs and hips to do what you want them to do.

My answer to my blog in five years.   When I started my blog it was because I had to.  My blog kept calling me.   Ideas would pop out of nowhere.   It kept nudging me until I answered the call.   When I did, I didn’t really have any goals.  Honestly, I’ve been writing my blog for myself to see how many people would read it.  I’m not doing too bad considering I haven’t told anyone around me that I have a blog — not my husband, my family, my in-laws, my friends or my coworkers.  I’m happy with my progress.  My followers grow every week.  I almost have doubled my views from last month.  Yes, there will be a time I will tell the people around me, but right now I’m happy to be on this journey by myself.  I’m proud of myself for what I have accomplished so far, but winning the award made me realize that I’m not doing it for me anymore.  I need to take my blog to the next level – whatever that may be. In the next couple of months I need to learn about this basics of wordpress and look at other blogs to see what I can do to make my blog more user friendly and fun.   I want my blog to be a positive place.   I don’t know where I want to be in five years, but in a year I would like to have more followers. I would like to show more of my writing — essays and short fiction — that I’m working on. I would like to interview strong women or maybe have them guest post for me.  I would to monetize my blog, but I’m not sure how.  I have some ideas.

To be honest, the set up of my blog has stayed the same because I have been afraid to step out of my comfort zone.  My blog is growing and I need to step out of my comfort zone.  I don’t know why I’m afraid.  I love to learn new things, but when it comes to a computer i am like a fish out of water — flopping around trying to survive.  At this point in my life I don’t have a lot of patience.  It took me 45 minutes to download my antivirus software online.  Let’s not go there.  It’s not pretty.

I’m going to step out of my comfort zone a little at a time.  Now that camping season is almost over (there isn’t any wifi at the the campground) and fall is nipping out my heals, I will have my weekends free to learn new things.   I’m excited and scared.  I checked out a couple of books on wordpress and blogging — yes, the book for dummies 🙂   I’m taking that first step….

Thanks again, Anita, for the gentle push.

Peace and love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Liebster Award

 

Golden-Circle

OMG!!  Thanks to Anita from discoveringyourhappiness  for nominating me for this award.  I appreciate that she has taken the time to read my blog.  She’s one of my favorite bloggers and the fact that she has read my blog blows me away.

I love her blog.  It’s truly inspiring.  I look forward to reading it every day.  Check out her latest post:  Staying Inspired.

Please bear with me.  There was a few things I needed to learn to finish this post (which I will write about in my next post) and there’s a possibility that I did them wrong.  Forgive me, but I couldn’t figure out the link part of it (and this is probably the most important part) so I didn’t link any of the blogs I nominated.  I tried four times and then my menopause mad kicked in and I gave up.   Any suggestions on how/where I can learn to do this would be greatly appreciated.  I am already a week out on passing this award on and I didn’t want to take anymore time.

 

LIEBSTER AWARD RULES TO FOLLOW IF YOU ACCEPT:

  •  Recognize the blogger who tagged you
  • Answer the 11 questions you were asked
  • Tag 5 to 11 new bloggers who you think deserve some love
  •  Create 11 new questions for your nominees
  •  For the full list of rules, check out the Global Aussie page, and you can also choose your Liebster Award Image there

 

QUESTIONS AND ANSWER

1. Where abouts in the world are you from?  I am from the United States

2.  How long have you been blogging for?  A year.  The first six months was hit or miss because I let my fear hold me back.  I was afraid that people wouldn’t like what I wrote or they wouldn’t read my blog at all.  The last six months I have been blogging seriously and trying to post two times a week.

3.   What does your morning routine look like?  I work 2nd shift (2 – 10:30) so I usually get up between 8:30 and 9:30.  I write for an hour.  Shower.  Call my husband.  Make my lunch.  Sometimes I write in my journal.

4.   What do you do for self care?  Breathe.  Write in my journal.  Try to eat healthier.  Get enough sleep.  I really need to get a pedicure.  That’s one of my fav’s.

5.    Lollies or Chocolate?   Definitely hands down  CHOCOLATE!  My fav chocolate is M&M’s.  My coworkers tease me because I think each color has it’s own flavor.  I eat the brown one’s first, then the yellow, green, orange…

6.  What a typical weekend looks like for you?  We have our 5th wheel travel trailer on a permanent  campsite about a half hour from where we live.  My brother has a campsite next ours and my brother and sister-in-law have a site next to my brother’s. My family and my in-laws come to visit.  My sister-in-law and I float on our floaties in the pond while the guys do projects at the camper.  We usually fry out for supper and have a bonfire.  This is part of my self-care.

7.  What is one of your hobbies?  Reading.  fiction, romance, self help.  I am a book whore who definitely doesn’t like sharing her books.

8.  Places you’ve traveled? To the Bahamas on a cruise ship.  The    and The Disney. Disney has a an island, Castaway Cay, which is an old airstrip and very cool.  It they had a hotel on the island I would stay there for a week.  Beautiful, beautiful island.  

9.  Places you want to travel to?  Istanbul, Turkey.  I feel I have lived a past life there.

10.  Where do I see myself in 5 years?  Gosh, I really don’t know.  I am 52 years now…. where do I want to be at 57?   Hopefully I’m still breathing.

11.  Where do you see your blog in 5 years?  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll get a book deal from my blog.   Just kidding!  🙂  I honestly haven’t sat down and reviewed my goals in awhile.  I still can’t believe I’m 52.  I don’t know where the time went.

 

The reason I nominated the four bloggers below is because they are positive and their posts inspire me.

NOMINEES:

ARTbyJWP                          16 Inspiring Quotes For Being Yourself

thegsandwich                    59 More Things I Learned

myashachuma                   Postive Money Affirmations by Nyasha Chuma

raevanity                             365 Ways To Love Yourself

 

QUESTIONS FOR THE NOMINEES:

  1.   What do you like most about blogging?
  2.   What is your favorite season?
  3.   What is the one change you would like to make to your blog and why?
  4.   What is the main theme of your blog?
  5.   How many blogs do you follow?
  6.   What is your favorite hobby?
  7.   Who is the most important person in your life?
  8.   What is your dream job?
  9.   What is your favorite book?
  10.   Are you a morning person or a night owl?
  11.   Do you write your blog post in the morning or in the evening?

 

I would love to know how you answered your questions!  Please send me a link 🙂

Have a great day!

Chrissy

My To Do List

Smile

Be kind to myself and others because everyone has their own struggles

Eat healthy

Say yes to adventure

Love and cherish my husband and my marriage

Do one thing each day that gets me closer to achieving my dreams

Be grateful for my job and the things it allows me to have

Let good into my life

Nourish my soul

Be patient with myself and others

Take a risk

Love who I am — inside and out

Give a stranger a compliment

Be grateful for the people, places and things in my life

Own my mistakes

Give friends and family a hug and tell them I love them

Appreciate and respect the money in my life

Look for the good in people

Live simply

 

 

Issues With Finding a $50 Bill

Last Friday I walked into the mini-mart to pay for gas.  I get to the register and out of the corner of my eye I catch what I think is the corner of a $ bill.  I look down.  Holy shit!  It’s a $50 bill on top of the Extra gum.  OMG!  I slide the $50 into my pocket, paid for my gas and quickly left.

I didn’t turn it in.  I felt a little guilty about this, but I felt if I found it then I should keep it.  If I knew who dropped it I would have gladly given it back.  I felt bad that I didn’t return it so at work I asked a few people’s opinion on if I did the right thing.  I received mixed reviews.  I believe in karma and that I should do the right thing and be honest.  I would have liked to return it to the owner because if I lost $50 (or anything of value) I would hope someone would be honest and return it to me.

Questions started to form in my head.  What if the person who lost the $50 needed it to buy groceries?  What if the person who lost the $50 was well off and shrugged the loss off to his fault for being in a hurry?  What if it was an elderly person who was on a limited budget?

This is how screwed up I am about money.  I’m embarrassed to be sharing this part of my life, but part of the reason I started this blog was to share my story (good or bad) so I’m putting it out there.

The thing I learned from this is that I believe that I shouldn’t gain because of someone else’s misfortune.  This is a stupid belief and I have no idea where it came from.

First of all — what is misfortune?  Google defines it as “bad luck or an unfortunate condition or event”.

Second of all  — why do I let misfortune guide my life?  People gain from other people’s misfortunes every day.  One person gets a job because someone else is sick and can’t make the interview.  A small business gets in over their head financially and a bigger company buys them out.  These are the only two examples I could come up with at the moment.

I definitely need to change the beliefs I have about money.  They are not working for me anymore.  I don’t know what I’m going to replace them with, but I have to replace them with something positive and uplifting and that gives permission to have the money I want in my life.

After thinking about how I let money into my life, I realize that there are only two ways I allow money into my life — my job and the lottery/gambling.  Laugh if you will.  I’m shaking my head.  It’s interesting and ridiculous at the same time.  How could I be this closed off mentally for this long?  How did I not know I had these beliefs?

Maybe this is why I haven’t achieved my dream of becoming a published author because I won’t let myself get paid for my writing because it’s not on the list of how I’m supposed to get paid.   It’s ridiculous and angers me, but that is a whole different blog post for a different day.

I’m saving the $50 for when we go to Vegas in October.  Maybe it will bring me luck when I play the slot machines.  🙂

 

I Wish I Knew What The Future Holds

We put an offer on a house on Saturday.  I was excited.  My husband was excited.  I loved this house.  I felt it was exactly what we were looking for.  I thought for sure our offer would be accepted.

I received a text from my agent about an hour ago saying the seller accepted a different offer.

F#@k!  Are we not meant to have a house?  A coworker texted me “I guess you weren’t meant to have that house”.  But if not that house which one will it be and how long will it take?

I’m trying to stay optimistic.  I’m trying to stay hopeful, but damn it, I wish I knew what the future held.  I wish I knew what direction is I was suppose to go in.  I wish I knew what I was suppose to do next.  I wish someone out of nowhere would say “I know his is the perfect house for you.  Put a offer on it and it’s yours.”

I wish.  I wish.  I wish.

I keep seeing butterflies.  Butterfies flying in the yard.  Butterflies flying past my truck while I’m driving.  I even saw a butterfly flying around in the building at work last week. I Googled it and butterflies mean change.  That leads me to wonder how my life is going to change.  For good or for bad.  They have been beautiful monarch butterflies so I hope that means for the good.

If only we could see what the future holds…but then life wouldn’t full of challenges would it?  We wouldn’t learn anything and we wouldn’t move forward.

So I guess it’s back to the drawing board.  I gotta put on my big girl pants, put myself back out there and go find us a house.

 

 

 

 

Do I Push Money Away?

My husband and I took our change the we had been saving for the last two years to the credit union to cash it in.  My husband wheeled it into the credit union in my yellow garden wagon.  There were funny looks and some whistles.  It took almost forty-five minutes to run it through the change machine.  End the end we had over two thousand dollars.

Two thousand dollars.  Holy crap!!!

On the way to work I was all smiles and very happy.  I was proud of my husband and I for saving that much.  But as the day wore on my good mood faded and doubt and worry kicked in. I wondered if I deserved to have that much money.  Why I was wondering this I don’t know.  It’s been our money all along — we just didn’t know how much was in the containers.  Then I wondered what if something happens and I loose it all?  Why I was thinking this I don’t know.  We had the change in the house and something could have happened, but didn’t.

Negative thoughts.  Fear.  Negative thoughts.  Fear.

Then I thought — I’m 52 years old and I deserve to have a lot of money.  Why can’t I have over two thousand dollars and feel good about it?  Screw good — what about feeling GREAT????!!!!!

Honestly, I’ve had a problem with letting money into my life my whole life.  I never thought I deserved it or was worth it.  I’ve always wanted a lot of money, but I have always wanted to stay small and not attract any attention to myself and my talents.  I don’t know where the idea of staying small comes into play.  Maybe it comes from being bullied when I was a kid.  Maybe I felt if I didn’t draw attention to myself then I wouldn’t be bullied??

I know if I want money I have to get big and let people see me and my talents. And then I will have to deal with my insecurities and everything else that comes up while I’m getting big.

On the flip side, that leads me to a whole bunch of questions.    If I have a lot of money will my friends be my friends?  Will people be jealous of me and/or hate me?  Will people hound me for money?  And the BIG question — do I deserve it?

How do I begin to think/feel that I deserve to have money?  Do daily affirmations? Write in my journal about my insecurities?  I’ve tried all of this before and it hasn’t worked for me.  Wait.  It has a little bit, but how do I find out what is truly keeping me from letting money in?  How do I excavate whatever belief(s) I have from deep within me?  This is what I have problems with.  Over the years I have become a little wealthier, but not where I want to be.  It’s been a slow process, but I have overcome some of my issues and danced around (but never fully embraced) the rest of my issues

I think menopause throws our issues and/or parts of ourselves onto the table and we have to deal with them – whether we want to or not.   We don’t get a choice.  Our issues bug us or haunt us until we deal with them and work through them.  We have to learn to get out of our own way.  We have to learn what we were put on this earth to do and give ourselves the love and space we need to figure it out.

I think finding our real selves is the part of menopause that is really hard.  We have to find our real selves.  We have to dig deep.  We have to be gentle with ourselves and the people are around because as we change our relationships with the people around us change as well.  Some people may not like this.  They may feel threatened by it, but that’s not our problem.  We can’t let this stop us from finding our true selves.

Something deep inside of me is stopping me from making/getting/having money into my life and this is the current issue I have to deal with.  It’s what menopause threw on my table.  It’s messy, ugly and probably mixed in with other issues I have to deal with, but so what.  That’s life.    I am a women going through menopause.  I am an adult and adults deal with things. I’m scared to see what is really there, but I have to do it.  I have to keep digging.  I can’t let the issues from my past dictate my life and keep me from what I know I’m suppose to be doing and having money.

I have to find a way to let money into my life.

Thanks for reading this post and have a great day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Is Wrong With Me?

I have a problem lately with people telling me what to do — no matter if it’s my mom, husband, family member, coworker, neighbor or stranger.  I get all prickly and my menopause mad kicks in.  I don’t need anyone telling me what to do.  I can decide for myself what I want to do.

For example the following situation happened at work last week:

   “Why didn’t you come in at 1 p.m. today?” A coworker asked me last week when I came in at 2 p.m. which is my normal starting time. “You know we are busy.”  

      I didn’t respond, but what rant went on in my head — I know we are busy, but I didn’t feel like coming on at 2 today.  It’s not mandatory.    There are things that I needed to do for myself  — like write for an hour.  I feel this is more important to my well being than coming in at 2.  I didn’t want to come in at 2 and I’m not feeling guilty about it.

I don’t know what to say.  It’s like I have this 4 year old that comes to the surface and has a tantrum.  She gets mad and says “You’re not going to tell me what do.  I’m smart enough and old enough to decide what I want to do and when I want to do it.  I will decide what is best for me.”

You have to understand something.  This isn’t me.  This really has never been me.  This isn’t the way I usually react to these situations.  This isn’t who I am.

Until now.

Until this menopause thing kicked in.

My fits come on like hot flashes — from the inside and boil out.  No warnings.  Just words tumbling out of my mouth.  No rhyme.  No reason.  Just tumbling.

It embarrasses me.  It makes me feel bad because I don’t know this part of myself.  I don’t know how to control her.  People probably think I’m a bitch, but I don’t know how to stop it.  I actually scares me to be like this sometimes because this is not me.  I used to be calm, quiet, and not allowed bothered me, but now look out.

For the first time in my life I’m not afraid to stand up for myself.  I’m not afraid to stand up for what I want and what I need and what is important to me.  This isn’t a bad thing.   It’s a good thing.  I’m just not used to being like this.

I feel like I’m coming into my own, but I’m not sure what my own is.  It’s funny because I don’t know who this person is, but I know it’s part of the real me coming to the surface.   It’s uncomfortable territory, but I ready to see what is there and who I really am and what she wants and needs.

Look out ’cause here I come!