Another Gentle Push

I was in the Karma and Luck store (Love Love Love this store!!!) in Harrah’s hotel in Las Vegas last week.  It’s a very cool store that sells stones and stone jewelry.  I bought three stones — rose quartz, amethyst and camelian.  Rose quartz promotes universal love.  Amethyst promotes health and beauty.  Camelian promotes sensuality, manifestation and creativity.  I’ve been told to put these stones in my purse or pants pocket, under my pillow or on my desk.   It works.  When I put the abundance rock in my pocket I found a $50 at the mini mart, later on that week I found a $20 on the floor at work and I won $100 on a lottery ticket.

I felt totally at home in this store.  I love this stuff.  The power of stones, karma, dreams, past lives.  I have always been drawn to this kind of stuff ever since I was a little kid.   As I walked about of the store and down the hall a little voice in my head said to me “You’re not doing what you’re suppose to be doing.  You’re not fulfilling your purpose.” This wasn’t the first time I’ve heard this voice.  In the past I have either ignored the voice or pushed it down.  Deep in my heart I know I’m not doing what I’m suppose to be doing, but bills need to be paid and things need to get done.  I know that my calling and where I am at in my life are on totally different ends of the spectrum, but I’m scared to bring them closer together.

As I continued walking I decided that I’m going to listen to that voice.  I’m going to own who I am today and I’m going to do something every day to get closer to my calling every day.  I know…..easier said than done.

How did my life get so out of whack?  I think it’s because I don’t listen to myself.  I don’t know that part of myself.  I don’t take the time to get to know that part of myself.  I don’t make time for that part of myself.  The one thing I do know is that I have to get to know that part of myself.

This trip to Vegas has been very eye opening for me.  It’s been different.  My husband brought one of his coworkers along.  It was his first time to Vegas.  While the guys bonded (no alcohol involved) I was able to spend time with myself.  I loved that.

When we flew out early Tuesday morning I wrote for an hour on the plane while they watched tv.  After we landed I shared with James some of my favorite things about Vegas — the botanical gardens and the water show at the Bellagio hotel,  playing the Hangover slot machine, shopping at The Dragon’s Lair at the Excalibur hotel, watching the gondolas at the Venetian Hotel and gambling at Treasure Island hotel.  This got me thinking…..I do my favorite things in Vegas, but I can’t remember the last time I did one of my favorite things at home.  Wait.  I did get a pedicure before my trip.  I get so caught up in the day to day stuff that I forget about my favorite things or what they even are.  How is possible that I can’t even tell you what five of my favorite things are right now?  That’s sad.

On Thursday morning around 9 a.m. we went to the Barrett Jackson car auction.  (another one of my favorite things I love to watch on tv) at Mandalin Bay Hotel.  After walking around for three hours, I left the guys and went off on my own.  I did some shopping, talked to my mom, wrote for an hour and then met up with the guys for supper.

On Friday morning we went to the memorial site of the victims of the shooting.  I was ok until I stood in front of the 1st cross and I looked down the row of fifty eight crosses.  I cried.  All of these people lost their lives around the same time.  It was the first time I had been to something like this.  I was amazed at the notes from family and friends, the poems, balloons, candles and all of the other trinkets people left.  It was moving.  I could feel how much the 58 people were loved.  Seeing something like this definitely puts things in perspective.

It made me realize that I need to think about how I’m going to put more of the me I keep hidden inside of me and my favorite things into my life.  I need to share this part of myself with others and put it into my writing.  I need to start to getting comfortable with that part of myself.  I’m not sure how I’m going to do that yet, but I’m going to try.

I definitely learned a lot about myself during my vacation.  I’m grateful my husband had James along so I could spend some time by myself and let things come to the surface.

It was a another gentle push to become more of the me I’m suppose to be.

Thank you, God.

Yes I Am Still Going To Vegas

My plane leaves for Las Vegas in less two weeks.  I’m excited, but also have a heavy heart.  My heart goes out to everyone that was at the music festival and I pray for everyone daily, but my trip has been planned since April and I am going.  There are three reasons why that I will share with you below.

  1.  I’m not letting some random dead guy (there are plenty of other words I could use describe this guy, but he’s not worth the time or effort so I’m just calling him dead guy) dictate what I’m going to do, where I am going to go and when I’m going to do it.  The reality is that if the right person is in the same place I am I can get shot anywhere….at work, at the grocery store, in my home, etc.  I think every time a shooting happens we are more aware of how it can happen anywhere and at anytime.  Unfortunately I can’t hide from it.  It sucks, but this is reality.  It makes us realize how vulnerable we are and how precious life is and lives are.  I can’t stop living,  live in fear or stop doing what I love just because there are people like the dead guy out there.  People like him scare the shit out of me, but I can’t let that fear dictate my life.

2.  Vegas is a tourist town.  This is how people make their living.  If people stop going              businesses suffers and people get laid off and things spiral downwards.  The                        gunman did more than kill innocent people.  He messed with their livelihood.                     From what I understand the airport cancelled flights and some casinos were shut               down.  This is a loss of income for the people of Vegas .  People need to eat.  People              need to pay their bills.  Traveling to Vegas is my way of helping the city getting                    back to normal — whatever normal is right now.  I want to go.  I want to help.                      Vegas needs me to go.

3.  I LOVE Vegas!!!!  I love the food.  I love the architecture.  I love the art.  I love the                vibe.  I love the casinos.  I love the shopping.  I love waking up to the mountain                    views.  I love the energy and lights of the Strip.  I love the different hotels and how            each of them has their own vibe.  I love that my husband loves Vegas as much as I              do — he’s the one that got me hooked.  What I love most about Vegas really has                    nothing to do with Vegas, but with my husband and how we get to spend five days              together.  No work.  No daily grind.  Just us.  Together.

I know this trip will be different because I have a heavy heart, but life has to go on.    There’s no way I can go there and not think about what happened.  The city is grieving and will continue to grieve for a long time.  Will I be more aware of my surroundings?  You betcha.  Am I aware that there is a small possibility that another shooting could possibly occur?  Absolutely.  If it happens and I die then I was my turn to die.  My name was on that big chalkboard in the sky.  There’s nothing I can do about it.

I didn’t think about cancelling my trip once after the shooting.

F U dead guy.  You are not winning.   (Sorry for the language).