I Miss My Dad Today

I’m not a big fan of Father’s Day since my dad passed away two and a half years ago.  It’s not the same.  It hurts and I don’t know what to do to fill that void.

I never thought I would be the one to go to the cemetery to visit his crypt or to put flowers in the vase or hang a teddy bear on the vase, but I do.  I want the people that look at his crypt to know he was loved and that we visit to show our love.

Instead of spending time with him today I went to his crypt.  Even though it’s been two and half years I still get teary eyed.  I miss him so much.  I was daddy’s girl and now I’m without a daddy and I hate it.

Today when I kissed my hand and then touched my hand to his name on the crypt it sounded like a hollow knock.  For a brief moment I wondered if he would answer, but then I remembered where I was and that that wasn’t possible.

I wish I could open the crypt and give him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I don’t doubt he’s around.  I can feel his presence.  When I smell cigarette smoke when no one else is around I know he’s with me.  I hated the fact that he smoked so now he’s picking on me from the other side with the smell I hate and he’s probably laughing about it.

I miss him.

I miss seeing him sitting on the porch smoking a cigarette.

I miss him joking around.

I miss him saying “Hey kid”.

I miss him asking me “How the big guy (my husband)?” when I walked in the front door.

I miss watching football with him.

I miss his hugs and his smile.

I miss my dad.  My life isn’t the same without him.

I miss him.

Every. Single. Day.

Father’s Day is the hardest day to get through because I know other people are spending time with their dad and I’m not.

When I walked around the campground this morning I saw a family with four small kids — two boys and two girls — and it brought me back to when I was young and my mom, dad, my two brothers, and my sister would go camping in our pop-up.

He was a good dad and a good man.  He taught me to smile, to be nice and to always give back.  And he taught me to shoot pool like a shark.  He had such a big heart and was a very giving man.

Happy Father’s Day Dad.   Thank you for all that I am and all you have given me.

I love you.

I Am Grateful Today

There’s a lot of stuff stressing me out lately.  I’ve been grinding my teeth and I am probably kind of difficult to be around — at home and at work.

We are purchasing a house or trying to….there’s been problems on the sellers side. We’ve done everything we can on our end.  We had the home inspection a couple of weeks ago and we have all of our paper work in order, but that is still not making it any easier.  I never thought buying a house would be this hard.

We are on ten hours of mandatory overtime a day and I don’t want to work it.  We haven’t been very busy this year at work and we’ve only on voluntary overtime so I have been taking it easy and not working the overtime.  I’m down sixty hours of overtime from last year.

Even though my mom and sister and I had a garage sale in April and I sold a ton of stuff I still have more stuff than I thought I did.  I am overwhelmed because I don’t want to deal with my being a hoarder in some areas in my life (like my book collection).  How did I collect so much stuff and not know I had it?  Probably because I put it in a cabinet in the basement.

I spent the afternoon with my sister and had a great time talking and eating pizza on my back deck.  We laughed and goofed around.  Relaxed.

After she left I sat in my husband’s recliner in the living room and looked at the mess in front of me.  Screw it! I said out loud.  This stuff can wait til tomorrow.  For the rest of the day I’m not going to stress on my problems — instead I’m going to be grateful.

Grateful for the great apartment I’m currently renting from my cousin and all of things I have in it and around it.

Grateful that I have a job and that I’m given the opportunity to work overtime and make damn good money working it.

Grateful for the sellers for selling the great house so that we can buy it and that I get my own office that I can’t wait to decorate and write and create in.

Grateful for the great family, in laws and friends I have who are always there for me and love me just the way I am.

Grateful for readers who read and follow my blog.   Your support, encouragement and kind words mean the world to me.

Grateful for my wonderful, caring and amazing husband who I get to share this amazing journey called life with.

Are you grateful today?  Please share your reasons with me.  We can be grateful together.