Author: chrissy

My coworker, K, is mad at me because I moved to a different lunch table on Friday.  I moved because I don’t like the guy she invited to sit at our lunch table.  I told her earlier that afternoon that I was moving and why and she said she was ok with it, but that changed after it happened.

I don’t like this male coworker for many reasons.  I’m going to call him A.  A is rude.  He has temper tantrums and throws stuff.  He ignores people when they try to talk to him.  He never smiles.  He isn’t happy.  He and I just don’t get along and I’m ok with that.

The thing you have to understand about K is that she loves people like this.  We call her “the leader of the misfit toys”.  She attracts people no one else likes because she loves to help people.  That’s a wonderful trait to have, but when no one else likes the people you attract and doesn’t want to be around them don’t you see it as a red flag and ask yourself why.  Not K.  She loves to be needed.

Not me.  I don’t want or need that kind of person in my life.  I’ve been fortunate enough not to have to work with him.  In my 22 years at my job I’ve never had to interact with him and I would like to keep it that way.

K thinks I’m being rude and defends him and his behavior.  Her excuses are highlighted.  My responses aren’t.

“He’s just lonely.”  I don’t care.  Doesn’t he get that he’s lonely because he treats people like crap?

“He had a bad childhood.”  He’s 62 years old.  He’s had plenty of time to grow and change.  He’s not changed at all.  He’s still the same asshole as when I started working there.  We get five free counseling sessions a year.  Maybe he should try using them to become a better person.

“Maybe you should try to get along with him”  What?  Why? That’s never going to happen.  That would be a total waste of my time.

“He’s only at our table ten or fifteen minutes”  I don’t care.  In my eyes that is ten or fifteen minutes too long.

I only have a half hour for lunch.  Why would I spend it with someone I don’t like?  My half hour is my time.  I’m off of the clock.  I’m too old to put up with other people’s crap.

Why should I sit with him if he brings nothing to the table.?  I know this is a really harsh way of looking at things, but this is where I am at in life right now.  He doesn’t make me smile.  He doesn’t make me laugh.  I don’t feel I can have an intelligent conversation with him.  He doesn’t make me a better person.  He doesn’t make me feel better.  He’s not a joy to be around.  I don’t enjoy spending time with him.

This is the conclusion I came up with.  Maybe I’m being mean.  Maybe I’m being a bitch.  What’s ten minutes a day?  What it boils down to is I don’t want to be around or have people in my life that don’t bring me joy.  Even if it is for ten minutes a day.  I know in a ten hour day fifteen minutes is a little chunk of time

But is it?  That attitude.  That negativity seeps into your psyche.  It seeps into your soul.  It makes you negative without you even know your negative and why.  I try to protect myself from people like that.

It’s my time.  It’s my lunch hour.  It’s my choice.

And I choose not to sit with him.

 

 

This is what I woke up to this morning. Yuck!

This is only the 3rd snowfall we had this winter so I can’t complain. I have to admit watching it snow while I was laying in bed was pretty cool.

59 more days of winter to go.

I think I can make it!

Happy New Year everyone!!

I thought the first day of the new year would be the perfect time to update you on my purging progress.  My goal is to get rid of 150 items.  When I started I thought 150 items was a lot to get rid of.  Would I have that much stuff?  Would I make me goal?

I’m so happy to share with you that I have let go of 100 items!!!!

I’m going to list what I have let go of.  You don’t have to read every single item.  I was debating whether I should list every item or not, but you know what?  I’m going to because it’s a big accomplishment.  So here it goes….

2 magazines    TS   (thrift store)                                                                                                          1 Lake Tahoe frig magnet    TS                                                                                                           1 small heart frig magnet        TS                                                                                                      3 pencil erasers                      TS                                                                                                            2 small storage boxes          TS                                                                                                              1 sinus rinse bottle (not used)  TS                                                                                                      5 pictures    CS  (consignment shop)                                                                                                 1 angel wall hanging            CS                                                                                                            3 wall shelves     CS                                                                                                                                 1 handmade quilt                  CS                                                                                                          1 wall mirror       CS                                                                                                                                 3 misc. decorations    CS                                                                                                                         scary hand that moves  SIL (sister-in-law)                                                                                     1 sign                                        SIL                                                                                                            1 animated witch  MP  (market place)                                                                                              2 battery operate ghosts        MP                                                                                                        2 light up pumpkins    SIL                                                                                                                    2 skulls that light up and sing  M                                                                                                        1 flashlight that makes scary sounds  MP                                                                                   1 hanging skeleton  SIL                                                                                                                       4 strands of orange lights   SIL                                                                                                           1 skull tablecloth    TS                                                                                                                         1 cookie tray    TS                                                                                                                                 2 strobe lights   SIL                                                                                                                               1 tree skirt        CS                                                                                                                                 1 plastic snowman       CS                                                                                                                   1 snowman wall decor   CS                                                                                                                 1 Christmas pillow    CS                                                                                                                       1 bear with light    CS                                                                                                                          1 bear christmas stocking holder   CS                                                                                               1 bell wreath   CS                                                                                                                                  1 bed pillow    CS                                                                                                                                    1 wall hanging        CS                                                                                                                           3 adult coloring books   Toys for Tots                                                                                                1 best dad ever sign     CS                                                                                                                    1 Victoria’s Secret sweatshirt    MP

Screw it.   This is taking too long, but you get the idea.

I’m over half way there.  Yeah for meI!  It wasn’t as hard as I thought it be, but it was hard.  Tears were shed.  I was angry at myself for keeping all of this stuff.  I felt overwhelmed at times because I had all of this stuff.  I’m very proud of myself for letting go of this stuff and making room for whatever comes next.

This is a very positive way to start the new year.  I have made $150 from selling my stuff on Market Place and I have made $79.82 at the consignment shop.  Over $200 to put on the new furnace.  Yeah!!  I will have air conditioning this summer!

I know I still have a long way to go.  There are bins to go through in the basement and kitchen cabinets to go through.  I haven’t even started in my office yet.  I won’t even go there for now.

I thank all of my readers for your love and support this past year.  It means more to me than you know.

Let’s kick some ass this year and achieve our goals!!!!

As I went to sleep Tuesday night I remembered what my husband’s anger means. It means we lost each other. We put our relationship last. Errands and other stuff on the chore list came first. We came last.

We weren’t spending quality one on one time with each other. Yes, we were together buying Christmas gifts, moving around the living room, buying a new tree and putting it up, crossing stuff off of the list, etc…..but that’s busy together. Its not what our relationship needed.

What it needed was for us to take it easy. Relax. Enjoy each other’s company. Talk. Not do anything.

We got caught up in the hurriedness of the holiday and forgot about one another. We were too busy worrying about the stuff on our list and getting everything done.

I’m still mad because he’s mad. Even though we haven’t talked about it, I understand why we are where we are at now. I also know what we need to do to get back on track.

I dont feel like doing that work to get back on track right now. I’m going to stew in my anger for awhile yet and think about what needs of mine weren’t getting met and why. I know I was getting pissy because of working so many hours and trying to get the list done among other things. I was getting pissy because I wasn’t able to write like I wanted to. Yes, I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on him. Yes, I should have told him what was going on inside my head. I know what my part in this was.

I only have to work three 8 hours days this week and then I have four days off. Yeah!

I’m sure well talk about things this weekend. Maybe we’ll even relax. Relax and get back on track.

The day after Christmas is my favorite day to shop. Everything you could possibly need for next year is on clearance. Who wouldn’t shop?

My favorites are the gift sets. I would buy perfume, soap, razors and other stuff in gift sets. I wouldn’t have to buy this stuff for a couple of months or more.

I decided not to go a couple of weeks go shopping today. Why? Because I don’t need anything.

Honestly.

I know this might seem kind of weird because who doesn’t want to stock up on stuff when there is a good deal? I know I do but since I’ve been purging I’ve began to learn things about myself.

I’ve learned that I dont need all of this stuff around me. Why should I buy stuff if it’s going to sit around and collect dust? If I know I’m going to use it in the next three months or so maybe, but if not, then no. I dont need it.

I decided that instead of storing boxes and wrapping paper for next year I’m just going to buy it next year. And skip the clutter.

It felt weird not to go today and buy stuff but it felt good. I wasn’t buying stuff I didn’t need or that I would change my mind about later and get rid of.

It’s kind of freeing me and I like that.

In 53 years I have never spent a Christmas eve alone. Never. For the last 14 years my husband and I have spent Christmas eve at both our families houses. Before that it was always at my parents house and then my brother in laws brothers bar.

I am alone because my husband is angry tonight. He’s been angry since last night. I’m not sure why. He’s not talking to me. I let him alone when he’s like this. He hasn’t had a good December. Things haven’t gone his way. He has to leave out tomorrow. I dont know what to do to make things better for him.

He didn’t go to my sister’s house with me this afternoon so I didn’t go to his sister’s house with him tonight. I know its childish but I dont care. I didn’t go. He’s not going to talk me. People are going to ask what is wrong. I dont feel like talking about it.

Instead I’m laying on my couch watching football. (I love Jon Gruden) Alone. All by myself. Enjoying myself.

Don’t get me wrong. I was pissed when my husband didn’t go with me. I was pissed when my sister in law called me to ask why I wasn’t there. My husband didn’t tell her he was mad. He told her that I was at home cleaning. Half truth. He wouldnt tell her he was mad because he would get an earful.

As my anger subsided, I realized I needed this. Quiet time with myself. Down time. A breather. A break.

My husband is half right. I am suppose to be cleaning because my family is coming over to our house tomorrow but I dont feel like it. I’m relaxing tonight under my Steeler blanket and watching football.

It’s my choice to be alone on Christmas eve. Not a choice I ever thought I would make. I believe no one should be alone. Why I believe this I dont know. It’s kind of silly.

I’m hoping my husband’s anger will be gone after spending time with his family. My anger is gone. Time will tell.

Until then, I’m going to enjoy my time alone.

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you’re having a wonderful Christmas eve.

Here I am again today working 8 hours on a Saturday morning. I need to list what I am grateful for so I can keep a positive attitude because after working with these happy people I need a drink.

1. Earplugs. I wear them on Saturdays so can block everything out at work and enjoy the silence.

2. Nature’s beauty. I drive by a pond on the way to work. On my way to work this morning the sun was coming up and the view of the sunrise over the pond was beautiful.

3. Extra cash. Its always nice.

4. That I made it through another week of 10 hour days without killing anyone.

5. That I have a job.

This is all I can think of in my zombie like state.

And no I am not writing this post during working hours. I worked on it before I clocked in and on my breaks.

And I’m grateful work ends in to hours.

I read this somewhere last week and those three words warmed my heart.

Grief is love.

I was missing my dad and had a heavy heart. Reading these three words made me feel better.

Grief is love.

I never thought about it like that before. My grief shows how much I loved my dad and how much I miss him

Grief is love.

What do these words mean to you?

There are 86 more days til we are on the other side of winter. Usually I count from December 1st til February 28 but since it’s already December 4th I’m a couple days behind. I count this way because I hope by the end of February the winter weather is heading out and spring is on the way.

I’m not a big fan of winter so I like to count down the days. I count the days when the day is bleak and I need help remembering that the snow and cold won’t last forever. I count because it’s fun and fun makes the cold winter days a little easier. I count because I’m one day closer to opening up my trailer.

Winter can be a long 90 days. The older I get the more I dislike it. The cold. The snow. The ice. Possibly falling. Its not fun anymore.

We are thinking about being snow birds when we retire. Something to look forward to

86 more days to go. I think I can make it……

Between our house and the university there is a hill/small burm. When I looked out my bedroom window this morning the kids from the university’s daycare were sliding down the hill on their butts. I smiled. They were so cute in their little snow pants with matching jackets, mittens and hats. They were between 2 and 5 years old. They were smiling from ear to ear as they climbed the hill for another turn. Some of them ate snow off their mittens. Others made snow angels.

It reminded me of when I was a kid. I couldn’t wait to go sledding. I didn’t care how many layers of clothes I had to wear. I didn’t care how cold it was. I just wanted to go and not stop. Not stop to blow my nose. Just wipe it with my mitten or lick what I could with my tongue. I would slide down the hill and then run back up with my round metal in hand holding on tight to the handle so I would drop it and have to down the hill to get it. I couldn’t wait to go down the hill again. The worst part of the day was when we all piled in in our station wagon and went home.

Even though we are adults we should have those childlike moments of happiness. Moments that we squeal with delight and are so excited about our upcoming journey

What is that fun for me? I’m not sure. This is something I need to think about. I definately need to bring this joy back into my life but I dont know what this is for me. What I do know is that I need more moments of this kind of fun in my life.

What is fun for you? What gives the squealy moments of joy? Or do you need to find them too?