In 53 years I have never spent a Christmas eve alone. Never. For the last 14 years my husband and I have spent Christmas eve at both our families houses. Before that it was always at my parents house and then my brother in laws brothers bar.
I am alone because my husband is angry tonight. He’s been angry since last night. I’m not sure why. He’s not talking to me. I let him alone when he’s like this. He hasn’t had a good December. Things haven’t gone his way. He has to leave out tomorrow. I dont know what to do to make things better for him.
He didn’t go to my sister’s house with me this afternoon so I didn’t go to his sister’s house with him tonight. I know its childish but I dont care. I didn’t go. He’s not going to talk me. People are going to ask what is wrong. I dont feel like talking about it.
Instead I’m laying on my couch watching football. (I love Jon Gruden) Alone. All by myself. Enjoying myself.
Don’t get me wrong. I was pissed when my husband didn’t go with me. I was pissed when my sister in law called me to ask why I wasn’t there. My husband didn’t tell her he was mad. He told her that I was at home cleaning. Half truth. He wouldnt tell her he was mad because he would get an earful.
As my anger subsided, I realized I needed this. Quiet time with myself. Down time. A breather. A break.
My husband is half right. I am suppose to be cleaning because my family is coming over to our house tomorrow but I dont feel like it. I’m relaxing tonight under my Steeler blanket and watching football.
It’s my choice to be alone on Christmas eve. Not a choice I ever thought I would make. I believe no one should be alone. Why I believe this I dont know. It’s kind of silly.
I’m hoping my husband’s anger will be gone after spending time with his family. My anger is gone. Time will tell.
Until then, I’m going to enjoy my time alone.
Merry Christmas everyone. I hope you’re having a wonderful Christmas eve.