I Love The Artwork Of Kelly Rae Roberts!!

I’m so excited!  In a month or so I get to have my own office.  My own office.  It was part of the deal my husband and I made when we started looking for a house.  He gets the garage he wants and I get my own office.   Right now we share an office.  It’s really not a big deal.  He’s not a bother.  I just want my own space.

Having my own office means I get to decorate it the way I want and I’m really excited to do this.   I have been a big fan of Kelly Rae Roberts for the last couple of years.   Her artwork speaks to my soul.  Her artwork gives me courage to move forward in my life.  It’s like she knows what I am thinking deep inside and her artwork is the answer to my inner yearnings.

Kelly believes that artwork heals and that we have to make our own rules.  She used to be a medical social worker, but then she started experimenting with art.  She creates the coolest stuff.  She even has painting e courses.  She has definitely found her calling and I love what she creates.  (go check out her website @ kellyraeroberts.com.  I’m sorry but I don’t know how to link things yet.)

I have her 2017 calendar (which I found on accident – well maybe not).   For the month of June there is a beautiful butterfly and the words “Allow the Unfolding”.   I love butterflies.  To me butterflies represent change and with this upcoming move I am in the middle of a big change.  “Allow the Unfolding”  OMG!  That is me going through every piece of what I own and asking myself if this is going to be something in need in the last half of my life.  It means to let things happen and take time to deal with the emotions and move forward.  That it’s ok to move forward and have the life that I want and to make my dreams come true.

Since I turned 50 I knew I wanted my 50’s to be fabulous and part of that fab is to follow my passion to write.  I need to let go of all of the preconceived notions I had about being a writer and all of the times I have sent query letters to magazines that weren’t interested in publishing my soul work and listen to stirring of my soul.  I need to examine my writing self and see what is truly there.  In comes my office…..

One of the reasons I’m so excited about my new office is I get to paint it any color I want.   I’m thinking of a light yellow.  I want to paint a portion of one wall with chalkboard paint so can write a list or draw or do whatever I want.

This office gives me a chance to explore myself and find out who I really am as a writer  (That’s partially why I started this blog).  It gives me a place to put all of my books.  I can have all of my writing in one place instead of in my office and on the coffee table in the living room.  I can’t wait to have my rocking chair in my office so I can rock and read.  It’s my “ME” room.

I think it’s important in our 50’s to have what speaks to us close to us and I can’t wait to have more Kelly Rae Roberts in my office.   Maybe a print on every wall….

Thanks Kelly for all that you do!  You’re amazing 🙂

 

 

 

 

I Am Grateful Today

There’s a lot of stuff stressing me out lately.  I’ve been grinding my teeth and I am probably kind of difficult to be around — at home and at work.

We are purchasing a house or trying to….there’s been problems on the sellers side. We’ve done everything we can on our end.  We had the home inspection a couple of weeks ago and we have all of our paper work in order, but that is still not making it any easier.  I never thought buying a house would be this hard.

We are on ten hours of mandatory overtime a day and I don’t want to work it.  We haven’t been very busy this year at work and we’ve only on voluntary overtime so I have been taking it easy and not working the overtime.  I’m down sixty hours of overtime from last year.

Even though my mom and sister and I had a garage sale in April and I sold a ton of stuff I still have more stuff than I thought I did.  I am overwhelmed because I don’t want to deal with my being a hoarder in some areas in my life (like my book collection).  How did I collect so much stuff and not know I had it?  Probably because I put it in a cabinet in the basement.

I spent the afternoon with my sister and had a great time talking and eating pizza on my back deck.  We laughed and goofed around.  Relaxed.

After she left I sat in my husband’s recliner in the living room and looked at the mess in front of me.  Screw it! I said out loud.  This stuff can wait til tomorrow.  For the rest of the day I’m not going to stress on my problems — instead I’m going to be grateful.

Grateful for the great apartment I’m currently renting from my cousin and all of things I have in it and around it.

Grateful that I have a job and that I’m given the opportunity to work overtime and make damn good money working it.

Grateful for the sellers for selling the great house so that we can buy it and that I get my own office that I can’t wait to decorate and write and create in.

Grateful for the great family, in laws and friends I have who are always there for me and love me just the way I am.

Grateful for readers who read and follow my blog.   Your support, encouragement and kind words mean the world to me.

Grateful for my wonderful, caring and amazing husband who I get to share this amazing journey called life with.

Are you grateful today?  Please share your reasons with me.  We can be grateful together.

 

 

Try Acupuncture For My Menopausal Symptoms????

“You’re a bitch,”  My husband said angrily one day three years ago.  “And you need to do something about it.”

He was right.  I was a bitch.  I wasn’t the same woman he married eight years ago.  The sad thing was I had no idea what to do about it.   I was thrown right into perimenopause and I was drowning.

Six months prior to this I could feel my body changing.  I gained five pounds.  I was moodier than normal.  I talked to my doctor about this and he scheduled a test to find out how close I was to my period ending.  I wanted this test  a year earlier, but he wouldn’t give it to me.  He said I was to young to be in perimenopause.  The test results came back that I was at the very end of my having months periods . “I still don’t believe.  You’re too young.” He said to me.  I was 49 at the time.   He took me off of the  birth control I was taking because with my periods ending there wasn’t a chance of me getting pregnant.

That’s when everything went to hell.  The hormones in the birth control had kept me on a even keel and now that I didn’t have them in my system my life was hell.  I was only getting three or four hours of sleep a night.  During the night I got hot so I would throw the covers off and then I was cold so I would cover back up.  This went on all night long and I barely got any sleep.  Not sleeping made me crabby and hard to deal with.  And I was especially pissy about the weight gain.  Before this weight gain started creeping in, I was happy with my weight and feeling really comfortable in my skin.  Now my body was changing and I hated it!

I didn’t know what to do.  I tried several things at the health food store.  I think black cohash was one of them (that was three years ago and I can’t remember crap anymore).  I had always wanted to try acupuncture, but I hate needles so I never did.

I needed to do something and I needed to do something NOW.   After doing some research (thank God for the internet), I found a acupuncturist in my area and scheduled an appointment.

It took a month or two for the acupuncture to start working, but it was worth the wait.  My acupuncturist, Jamey, is awesome.  He listens and is very patient with me.  He answers any questions I have.  He is very knowledgeable and is easy to talk to.

It was the best thing I have ever done for myself.  I’ve been having the treatments for the last three years and I rarely have any night sweats or hot flashes anymore.  My moods are better.  I know when I start getting pissy it’s time for another treatment.

I recommend acupuncture for anyone in perimenopause.  I wasn’t sure about the needles, but they are so small that most of the time I can’t even feel Jamey insert them. We talk while he’s inserting the needles so I’m not focused on it.  It usually goes pretty smoothly.

Acupuncture saved me and my marriage!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Love Books!

I love books!  I love to read.  I love the way a book feels in my hand.  I love to look at my book collection.  I love the fact that there is so many of them to choose from.

Books talk to me.  Some books strike a chord in me.  Buy me!  Read me!  They taunt me.  I can’t go into a bookstore without buying one.  Even when I’m in the airport boookstore and my carry-on is full, I am taking pictures of books I want to read when I get home with my phone.

I think I may be a book whore.

I have over a 100 books in my collection.  They vary in genre — fiction, romance, self-help, writing, weight loss and financial.  Louise Hay and Nora Roberts are my two favorite authors.

My love of books is a gift my mom gave me when I was little and she used to read to me before bed. I read all the way through grade school, middle school and high school and knew the school libraries very well along with our public library.  I was always bringing home books, but never read them all.  I still do this today when I go to the library.  I know I’m not going to read them all, but I still bring them home anyway.

Maybe it’s because inside I think the book will help me get closer to my dreams or fix something in my life.  Maybe give me a key to a door I feel is locked.  Maybe there is a part of my life that needs to be healed.  Or maybe I just need to get lost in someone else’s life for awhile.  It makes me appreciate my life more.

I have books in my office, in our bedroom, in the living room and in the basement. I buy them at bookstores, thrift stores and garage sales.

Do I have too many books?  Probably.  Will I read them all?  Probably not.  And this is ok.

I’m 52 and I deserve to have what I love surround me.

And I love books!

 

 

 

 

Menopause Mad

That’s enough of this shit.  I’ve had it and I’m not dealing with it anymore.

There’s a situation at work between a woman on 1st shift (the bully) and a woman on 2nd shift (who takes the bully’s crap).  Both women work in the same department.

The bully tries to bully me, but I won’t allow it.  The woman on 2nd shift complains to me about being bullied, but isn’t willing to go to management.

Last week I was helping in another area and wasn’t helping the bully.  I am the floater on 2nd shift and I’m suppose to help in the area that needs the most help that day.  I feel I’m smart enough that I can figure in what area I need to help in, but the bully didn’t agree.   After the bully left, the 2nd shift lady told me that the bully was complaining to her about what I was doing.

That’s it.  I lost it.  That was the straw that broke the camels back.  Who in the hell does the bully is that she can tell me what to do?  She is no one and I definitely don’t have to listen to her.   I fumed the rest of the night.

The next day I went to my boss and asked her what my job responsibilities were.  She asked me why and I told her what was going on — that I was sick of the bully trying to boss me around,  that I wasn’t going to put up with anymore and that I was done dealing with the situation between the two women.  She listened to me rant and told me to continue to do what the bully didn’t think I should be doing.  For the rest of the night I barely talked to anyone and concentrated on doing my job.  I was so mad.

I was Menopause Mad!

Over the next couple of days I calmed down, but I was still mad.  I was mad at the bully for being a bully and I was mad at the 2nd shift woman for not standing up for herself, but beyond that I don’t know why I felt the way I did.   I just knew I was mad.   I knew that I had had enough and was sick of dealing with the whole situation.  I had hit my breaking point.

I was kind of embarrassed that I had reacted that way, but now both women know that I am not dealing with the situation anymore.  They both know where I stand and if that’s what had to happen to get to this point then that’s what needed to happen.

Menopause has made me more mouthy than I have every been in my life.  I can’t hold back my feelings.  If you piss me off you will definitely know it and you probably won’t forget it.   I don’t tolerate anyone’s crap anymore.

I don’t know where this Menopause Mad comes from.  It starts out with being angry and then it’s like a switch flips in me and I am PISSED off.  That’s it.  I’ve had enough.  I’m done.

This is so unlike me.  I used to be soft spoken and afraid to voice my opinion.  Not anymore.  I’m definitely not afraid to tell people how I feel.

Menopause gives us the guts to speak up and claim what is ours.  No excuses.  No holds barred.  It’s mine and I’m taking it.  You better give it to me or I’m going to be mad….

Menopause mad!

 

 

 

 

The 52 Lists Project

At the end of last year I ordered a book called The 52 Lists Project by Moorea Seal.  I bought it because I thought it was a plain book that you could write a list of what you wanted to accomplish every week of the year.  I thought that I could write weekly goals and at the year I could see what I accomplished.

The book, from the picture in a magazine, was hardcover and it was pretty.  I thought I could leave it on the coffee table and it wouldn’t be an eyesore.  Plus, it would be in front of me every day and easily accessible.

I am a lists person.  I make a list at work of what I want to get done after work and the next morning.  If I am running errands, I make a list a list of the places I need to go and what I need to do at each place or what I need to buy.  I know without the list I would forget to do/buy something.  I find the older I get the more forgetful I get so the list really helps.

The day the book came in the mail I ran out out to the mailbox and didn’t even wait til I was in the house to open it.  I was so excited to get started making my lists.  I held the book in my hand and I realized what I thought the book was about and what it really was about were two different things.

I stopped dead on the front step and stared at the cover.  It wasn’t a nice hardcover book to keep my lists in.   If it wasn’t a book to keep my lists in, what was it?

It is a lists book, but not to write your to do lists in.  It’s a beautiful book that makes you think of what is important.   For example — one week asks you to list the things that make your spirit feel free.    I wrote down — walks in the woods and on the beach, not being at work,  the weekends I spend at the trailer, our weekend trips to Las Vegas, writing, writing in my journal.  After making my list I realized that I wasn’t getting enough moments that made my spirit feel free and I needed to take steps to change this.

It makes you remember things you forget — successes you have had in your life, good times with family and friends and what makes you you.  It makes you think about your goals, the space you live in,  what direction you want your life to go in, what you enjoy doing and the way you life now.

For 52 weeks you are listing the positive things in your life.

I love the book.  It’s very uplifting and positive.  Plus, there is a Take Action step on bottom of every list page to give you a push to get you going.

I haven’t been very good at doing it every week.  I don’t know why.  It only takes fifteen or twenty minutes to do.  Maybe I’m not ready to look at that part of my life.  I don’t know.

I think in our fifties we need to start getting clear on who we are, what makes us tick and what we are put on this earth to do.  Our fifties are about taking the time to do what we love (if you’re not doing that already) instead of only making dollars.   It’s about getting rid of all of the stuff we hide behind and become our true selves.

It’s hard work, but definitely worth the effort.

I’m glad I bought the book.  I am a better person because of it.

Thanks Moorea for your beautiful book and for being you!!

 

 

 

 

 

How Do You Measure Love?

My niece, Emma, and I have a $10 bet on who loves the other more.  Me or her.

I texted her “love  you”.

She texted back.  “love you too.”

I texted.  “Love you more.  Wanna bet.”

She texted back.  “Yeah.  $10.”

I texted.  “I’ll bet, but how do we measure?”

Is it possible to measure how much you love someone?

I know how much I love her.  My heart bursts with love for her, but can’t put that love into any kind of measurement.  It’s impossible.

I can show her that I love her.  I can pick on her until she gets mad at me and tells me (angrily) to knock it off.  I can keep hugging her until I get the same result as picking on her.  I can wink or smile at her.  I can kiss her on the check.  I can take her to the movies. I can buy her something at the mall.  I can spend time with her.  I can laugh with her.  I can send a card in the mail to let her know I’m thinking about her.  I can wipe away her tears.

But I can’t measure that love.

I know she loves me when she laughs when I say something funny or how she rolls her fifteen year old eyes when I say something weird.  I know when she walks past me and says “poke” as she pokes me lightly in the belly.  I know when she gives me a long, tight hug when she goes home.  I know when she takes the time to text me back.

But I can’t measure that love.

Does she love me more than I love her?  Since I can’t jump into her body and see things through her eyes and feel things with her heart I guess I will never know.

I can only believe.

So who wins the bet?

I guess we both do because we love each other.   We both are winners because we are lucky to have the other.

And, yeah, I’ll give her the $10 — because I love her.