Happy Wife Happy Life

I hate this phrase.

To me this means that the husband should be doing whatever his wife wants, when she wants, to make her happy.  She barks.  He jumps.  She’s happy.

This is bullshit.

What about him?  Is he happy?  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Does she care?  Probably not.

I don’t know why, but that phrase pisses me off.  It irks me because there are two people in a relationship and both people deserve to be happy.  Not one.

Both people should have the chance to be happy, to have separate friends, to go after their dreams, to pursue their hobbies, have a relationship with their families, to have their voices heard and their opinions matter. When I was married 8 years ago (it was our anniversary on Aug. 29 🙂 ) I don’t remember Roger, our pastor, telling us during our vows that my husband should treat me better than I treat him.  I remember Roger telling us that we should love and cherish each other and our relationship.  Marriage is two people.  Not one.

Happy Wife Happy Life.

This phrase doesn’t fly in my house because I don’t feel I’m the only one who deserves to be happy.  My husband deserves to be happy, too.  We both do things that make each other happy.  My husband and I do things together that help us reach our goals as a couple.   My husband and I give each other the time to pursue our individual dreams and help each other whenever we can with whatever resources we have.

I don’t want to be that happy wife.  I wouldn’t feel right if I got my way all of the time.  It would be nice for awhile, but I wouldn’t want this.  Marriage is about compromise and helping each other.  Neither of us get our way all of the time.  I want to see my husband happy so if I have to compromise once in awhile that’s ok.  I like to see my husband happy.

I feel my husband and I have a unique relationship.  He drives over the road so he’s gone during the week.  What makes our relationship strong is that I talk to him on the phone for an hour every day.  We talk.  We talk about what needs to be done, family, and what we would like to do among other things. We talk about what is important to each of us and why.  We talk.

I don’t bark orders — he wouldn’t listen anyway.  I’m used to doing things by myself because he’s on the road all week.  When he does come home he has a limited window of time that he has to get what he needs to get done.  I never give him a “honey do” list because by the time he comes home he has his own list of what he wants to get done that weekend.  If I need his help I will ask “Hey honey can you help me with this please?”

Our relationship doesn’t have score cards.  We don’t say “I did this for you. Now you have to do this for me.”  Some weeks I do more than he does.  Some weeks he does more than I do.  It all evens out.  We do things together.  I gather the trash and put it in the truck and he takes it to the dump.  We prune our bushes together — he prunes and I rake. He cuts the grass with the rider and I rake it up – if there is a lot he helps rake.  We run errands together.   He makes breakfast.  I make supper.  It all works.

Honestly, I admit I am bossier since menopause.  If I sense that I have been too bossy I will back off and/or do something special for him.   If I am too bossy and I don’t sense it he’ll give me a look and I will give him the reasons why I think the way I do.  We talk about it.  Sometimes I get my way.  Sometimes I don’t.

Happy wife.  Happy husband.  That’s the way we roll.