Last Friday I walked into the mini-mart to pay for gas. I get to the register and out of the corner of my eye I catch what I think is the corner of a $ bill. I look down. Holy shit! It’s a $50 bill on top of the Extra gum. OMG! I slide the $50 into my pocket, paid for my gas and quickly left.
I didn’t turn it in. I felt a little guilty about this, but I felt if I found it then I should keep it. If I knew who dropped it I would have gladly given it back. I felt bad that I didn’t return it so at work I asked a few people’s opinion on if I did the right thing. I received mixed reviews. I believe in karma and that I should do the right thing and be honest. I would have liked to return it to the owner because if I lost $50 (or anything of value) I would hope someone would be honest and return it to me.
Questions started to form in my head. What if the person who lost the $50 needed it to buy groceries? What if the person who lost the $50 was well off and shrugged the loss off to his fault for being in a hurry? What if it was an elderly person who was on a limited budget?
This is how screwed up I am about money. I’m embarrassed to be sharing this part of my life, but part of the reason I started this blog was to share my story (good or bad) so I’m putting it out there.
The thing I learned from this is that I believe that I shouldn’t gain because of someone else’s misfortune. This is a stupid belief and I have no idea where it came from.
First of all — what is misfortune? Google defines it as “bad luck or an unfortunate condition or event”.
Second of all — why do I let misfortune guide my life? People gain from other people’s misfortunes every day. One person gets a job because someone else is sick and can’t make the interview. A small business gets in over their head financially and a bigger company buys them out. These are the only two examples I could come up with at the moment.
I definitely need to change the beliefs I have about money. They are not working for me anymore. I don’t know what I’m going to replace them with, but I have to replace them with something positive and uplifting and that gives permission to have the money I want in my life.
After thinking about how I let money into my life, I realize that there are only two ways I allow money into my life — my job and the lottery/gambling. Laugh if you will. I’m shaking my head. It’s interesting and ridiculous at the same time. How could I be this closed off mentally for this long? How did I not know I had these beliefs?
Maybe this is why I haven’t achieved my dream of becoming a published author because I won’t let myself get paid for my writing because it’s not on the list of how I’m supposed to get paid. It’s ridiculous and angers me, but that is a whole different blog post for a different day.
I’m saving the $50 for when we go to Vegas in October. Maybe it will bring me luck when I play the slot machines. 🙂