What I realized this weekend (while floating on the pond on my swan floatie) is that I’m not so upset about losing the house. What I am upset about and what stings the most is how I was treated by the seller.
At the beginning of the house purchase the seller of the house we wanted to buy was bitching about the seller of the house he wanted to buy. Three weeks later he was bitching about his realtor and how he wasn’t doing his job. All of that bitching should have set off a red flag, but I didn’t know him very well and I just thought he was having bad luck. I didn’t see the red flag until the anger was directed toward me.
What makes me mad is he had no respect for me and my husband or our feelings. He didn’t take what was going on in our lives into consideration. He just was concerned about himself. He wanted what he wanted right now and if he didn’t get what he wanted right now he was pissed off.
It’s bullshit because I didn’t deserve his anger. I don’t feel my husband or I did anything to deserve his anger. We didn’t deserve to be yelled the way he yelled at us over the lies he made up. I would never yell at someone the way he yelled at me. It was rude. It was uncalled for and it hurt.
I don’t deserve to be yelled at because he is having trouble with things on his end. I know everything that had happened over the last month and a half probably was brewing inside of him and something I did was the made him snap and was the lucky receiver of his anger. I felt I bent over backwards to help him because I knew he was having problems, but he didn’t appreciate anything I did. If anything, I deserved to be thanked.
Looking back, we should have walked away and never gave him the thirty days but we did. I know. I’m too nice sometimes and I know this, but my question is: How do I know when to be “not nice”? Aren’t you suppose to treat people the way you want be treated? I don’t know. This is something I still need to work on……
The good thing is is that I learned a couple of things during this process. I think when we are in our fifties we start to see a new woman come to the surface. She’s stronger. She’s able to process and communicate her feelings in a way she never could before. She’s not afraid to communicate her feelings. She’s not afraid to ask for what she needs.
I have definitely seen a stronger me in the last couple of weeks. I’m not so meek anymore. This experience has opened up a new side me and I like what I see. I am defiantly more vocal and more willing to stand up for myself than I thought I was. I’m very proud of myself.
I’m proud of myself for two reasons:
1. I didn’t back down. I didn’t hesitate to get as bucky as he was. He yelled. I yelled back until he back down. If he can yell at me, I can yell back. He can’t tell me what to do nor do I have to listen. I stood in the “ring” in full sight and I wasn’t afraid. I was ready to stand up for myself. No standing in the corner for me.
2. For speaking my truth. I told him exactly how I felt. Even when he wouldn’t let me talk, I talked until he stopped talking and listened to me. I told him how wrong I thought he was and I called him out on his lies. (I know there are two sides to every story, but he won’t be getting a chance to tell his side of the story on MY blog) And I let him know that I was pissed off.
For someone to yell at you and blame your for their problems is wrong, but what is really wrong is for you not to stand up for yourself. I deserve to speak and express myself. I deserve to have my side of the story heard. No man is ever going to tell me that I can’t speak. That I can’t tell my truth. That what I have to say or how I feel isn’t as important as his.
I’m damn proud I stood up to him. Did I honestly think I had it in me? No. I have never screamed at someone like that in my life. No. It felt good to stand up for myself. My confidence is up a notch higher.
I’m walking taller today.