Why Do I Have All Of This Stuff?

Management is reorganizing the department I work in at the company I work for.  Last week I had clean out the cube I’ve been working in.  It wasn’t mine.  It was empty so I moved in.   That’s how I am at work.  Sometimes I don’t ask if I can do something.   I just do it.  If management doesn’t like what I’m doing they will ask me to stop.  If they don’t, I continue what I’m doing.  I’ve been in the cube for about six months. And now I have to move out.

It’s not that I had a lot to move, but until the department is reorganized I have to put my stuff on half of a desk or in my filing cabinet.   This is the littlest space I have had to put my stuff and it has made me ask one question.

Why do I have all of this stuff?

I have worked in several different departments in the twenty one years I have worked for this company so I have saved department notes, note from coworkers that are deceased or have left the company, misc. memos, paperwork I thought someone might need someday, pens (yes the company does provide them, but I like to bring my own from home.  I am a pen whore) and pencils, mouthwash, baby powder, aspirin, a 4 x 6 album of some of my wedding pictures, my Damn It Doll (I truly need this some days) and other miscellaneous things in this filing cabinet.  And candy.  I can’t forget the candy.

I need to clean it out.  Except the candy.  People like candy and are more willing to do things for you if you give them candy so I keep it on hand.

To me, right now, having all of that stuff means I plan on staying forever.  Maybe not forever, but I have 13 years til I retire.  I really don’t plan on staying there for the next 13 years, but that is totally another post.  I really don’t need all of that stuff.  I’ve been contemplating staying late one day next week and cleaning out my desk off of the clock.  Yes, off of the clock.  I want to be able to take the time I need to go thru my stuff and decide if I need it or not.  What would happen if I threw away paperwork from the other departments that I have worked in, but haven’t used in years?  I was never really in management so why should I keep all of the paperwork that I used to order material and other stuff in the past.    What if keeping all of that stuff is keeping me tied to a job I really don’t want to be at anymore?  Don’t get me wrong.  I work for a good company.  I have excellent coworkers.  I have a gravy job that allows my characters to talk to me and essay/blog/novel ideas to come to the surface while I work.  I just don’t agree with the management style and what things people get away with.  I try not to let this bother me, but it’s hard not to.    The more I write the more I know this is really want to do now and for my retirement.  I would love it if I could write til the day I die.

As I look at my job life, I have to think about all of the crap I have in my house.  For example, my utensil drawer in my kitchen.  It’s not huge, but there’s a lot of stuff crammed in it.  I thought I cleaned it out in April when I was packing up the kitchen before the house deal fell through, but I guess I didn’t clean it out good enough. I will have to go thru it again.  Thank God we are having a garage sale in April.

How do I really know what I really need?  This is something I need to get clear on.  What I have and why I am holding on to it.  Sometimes I’m afraid to give something away that someone gave me.  If they are deceased I wonder if they can see that I’m giving what they gave me away.  I know this is kinda silly, but sometimes I wonder.  Or would they be happy that I’m giving it away?  I wonder if keeping something is keeping me from something else?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.  Being sick these last couple of weeks has made me question a lot of areas in my life.   I’ve noticed a lot of areas in my house/life that are clogged with stuff and need to be cleaned out.  This isn’t even one of the posts I wrote when I was sick and or in Vegas.  I wrote it after I cleaned out my desk last week Monday.

Being sick really sucked, but I’m grateful, too, because it has made me think about things I haven’t thought of in awhile or if ever.  I know I need to change things in my life to get to where I want to go and this is what my blog posts will probably be about for the next couple of months.

Thanks for being with me on my journey.