Author: chrissy

Lately I’ve been reading about the Law of Attraction and manifesting.  One of the rules is you have to have a positive mind.

Think what you want positive.  Visualize in your what you want.  See it happening positive.  Believe it is coming to you positive.

I have one problem with this.

I don’t think positive.

It’s kinda funny because I like to believe I am a positive person.  I try to see the good in people.  I am happy go lucky.  I try to smile and brighten people’s day.  I am kind.

But that doesn’t equal thinking positive.

One thing I’ve learned in the last couple days is when it comes to what I think I am gloom and doom.  Unhappy.  Angry.  Untrusting.

I know right.  Me?????

Here’s an example.

I left for work one afternoon at 12:30.  My niece started cleaning my house about ten minutes before I left.  I checked my phone later on my break and she texted me at 1:30 to tell me she was done cleaning and on her way home.  I spent the next hour wondering how she cleaned my house in an hour.  How is that possible?  What didn’t she clean?  Did she dust?  Mop the floor?

Negative.  Negative.  Negative.

I never realized that this was my thought pattern and that I was so negative.

Why do I do this?  Why do I focus on the negative?  Where did I learn this behavior from?  I don’t remember my parents being like this.  These are the questions I’ve been asking myself as I try to figure out why I am like this.

Yesterday morning I decided to pay attention to my thoughts for the next 24 hours.

Here’s what I learned about myself.

Before work yesterday afternoon I had a confrontation with the person who wrote me the note at work in my head and outloud.  It was negative.  I did it because I wanted to know what I was going to say if called into HR for some reason.  Fair.  Sometimes I think this is necessary to get the emotion out of my body so I’m not carrying it in my body.  I focused on it longer than I should have.

Wasted time.

At work I focused on how I didn’t want to be in the department I was in doing what I was doing.  I wanted to be back in shipping with my coworkers doing my regular job.  At lunch I learned that Gov. Evers closed all the campgrounds in Manitowoc County for the month of May.  I complained about that in my head for the rest of the night.

At least I was getting paid for thinking negative.

This morning I went for a walk.  I started out by saying an affirmation.  I love money and money loves me.  It didn’t take long for the negative to set in.  I thought about how I sad I was gong to be when were on 10 hours and probably 8 hours on Saturdays after this pandemic.  How tired I would be.  When would I have the time to walk and be creative like I am doing now?

So much for listening to the birds and relaxing.

I noticed how negative I was being so I started saying my affirmation again.  My goal was to say it for 15 minutes.  One lap around the university.  I think it lasted for a minute because I was thinking about how my banker didn’t return my email.  I had emailed her yesterday that I wanted to pay off my truck loan because I can’t go inside the bank I and talk to someone.  I was mad because she didn’t return my email because I really wanted that taken care.  I really wanted to be able to say that my truck was paid off.  Shouldn’t she at least acknowledge that she received my email?

Definitely not a positive walk.

This is embarrassing.

Instead of concentrating on the negative of going back to work full tilt I could have focused on the positive.  I have a job.  I make good money doing that job.  I could have focused on what I could do to make working those hours easier on me like doing Yoga or meditating.   I could have come up with a plan.

More time wasted.

I need to find a way to focus on the positive, but it’s hard.  I tried tonight at work.  Every time I found myself thinking negative I stopped and tried to think of something positive or said a positive affirmation.  It just returned to negative.

I know it’s going to take awhile to train my brain to think positive.

I need to be gentle with myself.  I need to be kind to myself.

I need to unlearn this behavior.

It just makes me mad because I thought I was thinking positive and the hard truth is that I am not.

How is anything positive suppose to come into my life if I’m thinking negative?

It can’t if 75 or 80% of the day I’m thinking negatively.

The Law of Attraction has worked a little bit in my life, but now I understand why it’s not fully working.

Since Gov. Evers extended our Stay at Home order to May 27th I’ll have plenty of time to learn how to think more positively.

Six weeks to be exact.

I’ll let you know how I’m doing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday there was a container of hemmeriod pads on the work station I am sharing in the department I am working in during the pandemic because my department has doesn’t have any work.

When I saw it I laughed about it and wondered why someone would leave their personal stuff on the work station knowing I will be using it.

Of course I had to share with the others what I found so funny. I feel if you leave it on the work station it’s fair game to comment on.

We all had a good chuckle.

Today I found this note on the work station.

Mature. And this person is going to be a mom.

I smiled when I read the note because I didn’t leave a note yesterday about the pads being on the work station. Obviously she found out some how and wasn’t happy.

My coworker told me she left a note (shouldn’t I be the one to leave a note?) about she shouldn’t leave gross stuff out (dont remember exact wording) Her reason for leaving the note was that the girl who sits at the work station is a bitch.

I get that. She thinks she is the boss. She left me a note last to remind me to put her stuff back if I moved it.

Childish. Then don’t leave your shit all over the work station.

“Are you going to leave her a note back?” My coworker that left the note asked.

“Probably.” I said and started to work, but more I thought about the more I decided against it. Why should I? It’s not my fight. I’m only in this department because my department doesn’t have any work. Not because it’s my dream job and they had an opening.

I’m not here to get in a pissing match with some pregnant chick who likes to be the boss. If I was staying in the department I would definately stand my ground. But I’m not, so why bother?

My coworker who wrote the note is very nice, but she likes to stir the pot. I dont know her that well, but I have figured that out.

I don’t want to get involved in all of that department drama especially since its not my department. I don’t even participate in my own department’s drama. Why would I participate in theirs?

“I think you should,” my coworker said to me a couple of hours later.

I didn’t say anything.

This isn’t grade school and I’m too damn old for this drama shit. I go to work to work, make a couple of bucks and then go home.

I don’t go to work to piss people I don’t even know off. Although that could be fun….

I want to continue to work in this department until this pandemic is over. I have it made. It’s easy. I don’t want to start shit and then I have to go somewhere else that I hate because I’m picking on a pregnant lady.

Did I say I’m too old for this shit? Plus, I was raised better than that.

No, I didn’t leave a note before I left.

Why?

I have more important adults things to do with my time like figure out what I want to say about myself on my About Me page on this blog.

I would like to rewrite it and make it more about who I am now. I don’t even remember what it says.

This is what I want to focus on. Making my About Me page interesting.

Not on how some pregnant chick gets off on bossing people around.

I’m walking away from this battle.

According to Mindtools.com the definition of affirmations is:  Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge self-sabotaging and negative thoughts.

I am safe.  This statement is an affirmation.

These are scary times and I use affirmations to help keep my fear at bay and to be more positive.

Let me share with you the affirmations I am using right now.

I am healthy and safe.

My husband is healthy and safe.

My family is healthy and safe.

My blog family is healthy and safe.

Everyone I know is healthy and safe.

At this time the word safe resonates in me.  Focusing on it makes me feel safe and secure.

I worry about myself and the people I know and love.  Saying the above affirmations helps me to stay positive in a situation I cannot control and have no way of controlling  even if I could.

Side note:  I saw my mom the other night after work for a couple of minutes.  It was outside.  I was more than six feet away.  She had her mouth covered.  It was the first time I saw her in three weeks.  It felt so good to see her.  She’s doing good.  She had her 2nd chemo a week ago.  This the last time I will see her until this whole virus thing is over with.  I miss her terribly.

Everything is working out better than I ever thought possible.

This is one of my favorite affirmations and I use it often.  It makes me feel good.  It makes me feel like I don’t have to worry about anything because the situation is in God’s hands and he’s taking care of it.

I love money and money loves me.

I live in an abundant universe.

Money comes to me easily and effortlessly and in expected and unexpected ways.

What my parents believed about money was their story.  I am free to write my own.

No matter how awful the economy is I believe that I have to stay positive in a world of negativity.  There is abundance all around me.  There are a ton of businesses making money.  There are people getting richer.  This is what I focus on.  I feel focusing on the positive helps everyone.

When I feel abundant the more I smile.  The happier I am.  The more I have to offer and give.  It makes me a better person.

Don’t get me wrong.  I feel horrible that people lost their jobs and livelihood.   Businesses are closing.  I pray for these people everyday, but I can’t live with a black cloud over my head because of this.  I’m not helping anyone by doing this.

I still deal with money blocks that I believe came from my parents beliefs.  It’s not good or bad.  It just is and is something I need to get past.  This affirmation helps to remind me it’s ok to leave their beliefs behind and write my own money story.  I will be ok.

My life positively impacts the universe.

I hope I am doing this with my blog.

I am on a journey to realize my greatest potential.

Isn’t that a beautiful statement?

When I think of this statement I picture myself traveling from town to town in an orange VW bus talking to people who have forged their own path.  Learning from them.  Growning from them.  Being inspired by them.

I believe in the positive.  I believe it helps people.  It breaks down walls.  Heals hearts and people.  Sheds light in darkness.  Gives people something to believe in.  Helps people see the good in others and the world we live in.

I love saying affirmations.  They make me feel better.  They give me hope.  They lift my spirits.

There are different categories of affirmations I use.  Life affirmations.  Marriage affirmations.  Healthy weight affirmations.  Work affirmations.  Money affirmations.  Maybe I will share them in a post in the future.

My favorite author of affirmations and the person I first learned about affirmations from is Louise Hay.  She was an amazing women and author.  My favorite book is Heart Thoughts.  Her books make my heart happy.

Did you know You Tube has affirmation videos?  I recently found them and I am in love.  Check them out.  I listen to a different one every night before I go to sleep (except when my husband is home) and I love it.  I love the “I AM” series.  They say you are suppose to listen to the same video for 21 days so it gets into your mind, but I listen to whatever I feel I need that day.  If I am stressed I will listen to one that helps relieve stress.   If I am having money issues I will listen to a money video.  I can’t say enough good things about them.   I am amazed at how many videos there are and how many different topics.   They help.

I don’t have a drawing today.  I have a picture of what I want to draw in my head, but it hasn’t turned out the way I want it to on paper.

While I keep trying to draw it I repeat the affirmations below.

It is easy for me to put what is in my head onto paper.

I am creative.

It’s ok for me to show the world how creative I really am.

Happy Easter everyone.  I love you all.  Stay safe and have a great day!

 

 

 

 

 

I have 200 follows!!!!

This number may seem small to some of you, but to me this is huge!

No one in my life reads this blog. At home. At work. No one knows about it except for my acupuncturist and my couselor and neither have read it.

I started this blog about three years ago to share my story. If it helps people along their journey great!. If not, that is fine, too.

I’m not writing this blog to get 5,000 follows or make lots of cash.

I just need to write.

I want to thank Jamie being my 200th follow! Thank you Jamie!!!

And thanks to the rest of you for following my blog.

It means the world to me that you read my blog and comment. I have made some awesome blog friends and I’m grateful for all of you. I am blessed to have you by my side.

Thank you for your continued love and support.

I love you all!

Stay safe my friends. I love connecting with you.

Thanks again! ❤❤❤❤❤❤

I know this was my word for the week two weeks ago and it’s going to be for this week. Week 13.

Pray.

Every day.

Each day I find more things to pray for.

My heart breaks for the people who can’t attend a loved one funeral because of people restrictions in funeral homes. So sad.

This pandemic just rips my heart out on so many levels.

And please pray for Cynthia’s dog, Mollie. She’s sick and needs healing doggie prayers.

Stay safe my blog friends.

The first three months of the year are gone.

92 days.

Where are you with your goals? Have you achieved some? Or have you given up?

With everything going on I was thinking about not asking this. I know people are going through a lot right now with this virus. There’s a lot of worrying and anxiety. A lot of unknowns.

But then I thought why not?

Why not ask? Why not be curious? Its nice to have something else to think about.

So where are you with your goals?

I’ve completed several items on my Finishing the Unfinished List but as I look at it now I’m not even a fourth of the way done. Do I care? No. I’m working on it. That’s all that matters.

I have been writing my blog, but haven’t really been working on any other projects. These writing projects are next on my list

I have had a lot of things going on. January and February was dealing with my mom’s cancer. March was her chemo and this virus.

And now April.

None us know what April is going to bring. All we can do is hope for the best.

All I know is that I’m going to keep moving forward. In the midst of everything I’m going to keep working in the direction of my dreams.

I’m happy with my progress in the last three months. Yeah I wanted to be further but my mom is healthy and that’s all that matters

In these last couple of weeks I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my creativity and where I want to go job wise. I would like to transition out of my factory job and into a more creative life. It’s a work in progress.

I’m planning some changes to my blog and I’ve been working on this. Good changes I’m excited about.

How about you? Are you closer to your goals?

I’ve been trying to use my lock down time in a postive way. In a way I feel this virus pandemic is a wakeup call to use my gifts before I die. What my gifts are and how they match up with my goals is what I am trying to figure out.

Plus turning 55 this month doesn’t help. I don’t feel 55.

I’m posting this on April 2nd because I’m not a big April 1st person. Probably grade school trama with the whole April Fool’s thing.

While I was showering today I looked at my bar of soap and saw the shape of an eye. Then another eye. A nose. Lips.

Now this isn’t a normal bar of soap made by Dial or Oil of Olay. It is a eucalyptus and something else bar of soap made from goats milk. Paradise Acres Soap Works in case you were wondering. I love this soap!

Do you see a face?

I was just curious. I thought it would be fun if people shared what they saw.

Just trying to bring something fun to our day.

I’m thinking about putting thr bar of soap in my office. I think it’s cool. I’ve never seen anything like this in a bar of soap before. Plus it smells really good.

Isn’t it amazing what we can see when we stop rushing and take time to look at what is right in front of us?

I’m cleaning out two closets this weekend.

The first closet my front hall closet.

It’s a mess.

I work in factory with cement floors. I usually log 8,000 to 12,000 steps daily at work. Gym shoes only last me three or four months and I usually buy two or three pairs at a time so I can switch off pairs during the week.

As you can see I haven’t thrown any away in awhile.

The six pair of shoes on the right were in the closet. The three pair on the left is currently what I am wearing.

The shoes on the right are trash. One pair has a hole in it on the top from my toe rubbing. The other five pair there is no cushion left and they hurt my feet.

I decided to keep on of the six pair and throw the rest away.

Here is what my closet looks like now.

Much better. Just to clarify we do have more shoes. We keep our winter boots and my gym shoes are in this closet. We do have other shoes in our upstairs closet.

The basement garbage is filled with shoes.

One down…

Next is the closet under the steps.

This one isn’t as bad as it looks. The garbage bag is full of store bags that I take to the thrift store. Not sure if they will still take them after this virus is over or if they will change their policy. The bag is going downstairs by the rest of the thrift store stuff.

I added a board to make the top shelf bigger. Now I have more room to put stuff on.

Here’s what it looks like now.

It looks so much better.

Another thing crossed of my Unfinished List.

My April project is to clean out this cupboard in my kichen.

Believe it or not I do know where stuff is in here. It’s just a catch all. I did buy a rack to put pizza pans and stuff in. We’ll have to see if works out the way I planned.

I’ll let you know.

Have a great day!

Take a deep breathe.

Slowly let it out.

As you let out your breathe let go.

Let go of your worry. Your fear. Anger. Virus worries. Money issues. Whatever it is you need to let go of.

Let it go.

Take another breathe.

Let it go.

Just let it go. Life is too precious and short to be hanging onto all of this stuff from the past.

Let it go.

Take another breathe.

Picture stress, fear or whatever you’re letting go of move up toward your shoulders or the top of your head. As you breathe out watch it leave your body. Dont worry about the form it comes out in just let it out.

It may come out in sheets of something. I picture mine as a big sheet of paper coming out between my shoulders with everything I need to let go of written on it. It may take on a different form for you. It’s ok. Let it.

Breathe.

Let it out. It’s just stuff from the past that needs to come out. Fear or anger you haven’t let go of yet. A bad experience. Maybe guilt.

It’s ok to let it go.

Feel better?

Now take a minute and pay attention to your breathe.

In and out.

In and out.

Breathe in.

As you breathe in think of a word like hope, happiness, health, wellness, wealth or whatever positive word you want to focus on.

Picture in your mind’s eye good things coming to you. Money flowing into your life. Getting the job you want. A friend calling you. A certain person to get well. Whatever it is that you want to happen.

Notice how you feel. Do you feel better. Relaxed? Lighter?

Good! It’s working.

Repeat as needed.

This post flowed out of me. Who knows. Maybe I wrote it for myself. At first I wasn’t going to use it because it’s personal to me, but I decided to share. Maybe someone needs to read it.

My drawing turned out better than I thought it would. I’m getting more confident which makes me feel good!

Why are we allowing free agency and football players to be traded/signed for MILLIONS of dollars when some people don’t have a job to go or can’t open up their business?

This is is so disrespectful and a kick in the pants.

There are more important things to think about than football right now. And I love football.

I think at this time football contracts are nonessential.

We are in the middle of a pandemic that has killed many and infected more.

I think whoever is signed or traded during this time should have to give $500,000 of their pay to help fight this pandemic.

It just pisses me off that these big dollar amounts are being shared at this time. Brady and his $60 million.

The Dow is the lowest its ever been. States are shutting down. People can’t go to work. Businesses are closing.

And a certain few are making millions.

Not fair..

I know. I know. Life isnt fair.

The other day there was a football player who shared that he bought his son a 4,000 piece Lego set to keep him busy during the lockdown. What normal person is able to do this?

People are struggling to put food on the table and players are signing for millions.

I’m just ranting because I’m frustrated.

I love football. I’m a huge Steeler fan. And now a Raider fan because I love Gruden.

All I’m saying is I don’t want to know money players are being signed for.

In my eyes its NOT important.

Not today or tomorrow. Maybe next month or the month after.

On any other day I wouldn’t care. It wouldnt piss me off. It’s part of the job and I get that.

What is important now is helping people. Staying home. Getting medical supplies where they need to be. Praying.

I know. I know. These players could donate and support a lot of different people/causes. They could be wonderful humans. They could be doing something wonderful right now.

It’s just I don’t feel right now is the time or the place to talk about their millions.

I’m stepping off of my soap box now.