I think my anger started coming to the surface a couple of weeks after the Safer At Home order was issued by Gov. Evers.
During those weeks, I was considered essential and had to work. I am grateful for this. What I was angry about (and still a little disappointed about) was the fact that management really didn’t care about their employees while going thru these trying times. The CEO, VP or President didn’t walk through the plant to ask us how we were doing or if there was anything they could help with. I felt invisible.
A month or two ago issues that I need to deal with started coming up from my past with dad. My husband is alot like my dad in some respects so it’s like he’s pushing buttons without even realizing it and bringing things to the surface.
Emotionally my dad wasn’t there for me as a kid. It wasn’t ok to express emotion or communicate feelings. I couldn’t talk to him about important stuff because he didnt believe in having a discussion. It was his way or the highway.
Fast forward to now. I realize I’m kinda in the same boat with my husband. I need him to be there emtionally for me. I hug when I need it. A safe place to cry. I hold a lot of stuff in or deal with it myself. He’s not comfortable with showing emotion either.
I dont know why this is all coming to the surface now and I’m not quite sure how to deal with.
I have a telephone counseling appointment on August 6. I don’t really want to talk with someone over the phone but that is my only option right now
What I am doing in the meantime is trying to get my anger out. Whether it be screaming in the basement or walking or journaling.
I’m also trying this.
Many, many years ago someone told to me to write the sentence below 35 times on a piece if loose leaf paper twice a day for 7 days.
I, Chrissy, let go of my anger completely.
I’m not sure why 35 times. I don’t know why twice a day or why seven days.
It’s been years since I have done it, but I’m trying it again because it works.
Emotionally this is the lowest I’ve been in a long, long time. It’s kind of scary, but the good thing is probably not going to last. I hope.
I’m taking things slow. Getting plenty of rest. Writing in my journal. Breathing.
I’ve heard that dealing with and letting go of childhood issues is hard work but totally worth it on the otherside.
I hope it’s true.