A Positive Start

With everything that has been going these last couple of month, my morning rountine was forgotten and now I’m trying get back into it.

I’ve been having trouble with my back for the last week or so. I could barely walk on Monday so I called in, took my husband’s muscle relaxers and laid in the chair and napped.

Between naps on Monday I figured out what I want my morning routine to consist of. Here is what I came up with:

1. When I wake up I want to say five things I am grateful for.

2. When I go downstairs I want to write another five things in my gratitude journal.

3. Read my affirmations and my whys for money and my writing.

4. Write three Morning Pages in my journal.

And then go about my day.

I’ve tried this the last couple of days and I feel good. It’s nice to wake up feeling grateful and continue that feeling throughout the day.

Being grateful is part of the manifestation process. I have to admit I’m still on Day 2.

One thing I’ve learned in the last couple of weeks is that my life is fear based. I grew up not being able to speak my truth. It was my dad’s way or the highway. I didn’t feel could talk to him or my mom about what was going on in my life. I was afraid to do something to make my dad mad. There was a lot of unspokens. A lot of guessing because we didn’t talk about things.

I didnt have the confidence to speak up for myself. I was afraid to speak up for myself. I wasn’t a confident kid. My parents weren’t confident people.

The guessing is what I’m having a hard time with right now. Because there wasn’t a lot of communication you guessed at how the other person was feeling. That’s not fun.

I’m not angry with him. He did the best he could with what he was taught. He was a great dad and a great man. He had his faults and not being able to express himself was one of them.

I’m dealing with this because I can’t keep dragging all of this stuff with me. The anger. The fear. I know I’m still dragging it around. I’m just trying to let go of all of that stuff so I can clean up that corner of my life.

This fear I know has been holding me back from doing stuff. Ive been holding myself back. The voices in my head telling me: You dont have the money to do that. What would people think if I did that. Its beginning to make sense now.

I need to forgive him and heal my inner child.

Father’s Day is always hell for me. I miss my dad and it’s hard without him here. Before he died I was able to talk to him about things. I feel if I asked today why it was his way or the highway he would tell me it was because he didn’t want me to make the same mistakes he made. What ever those mistakes were.

Whenever I feel the anger or fear come up I just breathe through it. Let it go out my shoulders.

It’s time.

My journal pages are done for today. Now it’s on to my affirmations.

A positive start

I love it!

One thought on “A Positive Start”

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