Letting Go Of HSD

The idea for this drawing came to me one night at work. For the last couple of weeks I have been thinking about hearts and the different ways I can draw them. In my head I pictured drawing a light blue heart. The bottom was hitched and open and there was stuff falling out. A sign from the bowling alley I used to hang out at in high school. The blue guy from the Pac Man machine that I probably spent hundreds of dollars playing. A pool rack.

Why am I thinking about this and what does this have to do with drawing?

After thinking about it for awhile I realized it was about HSD. My first love. I met him at the bowling alley. It’s where our first kiss was. We spent a lot of time in that bowling alley shooting pool and playing the Pac Man and Galaga machines. Holding hands and making out.

I’m naming this drawing “Letting Go Of Hank”.

I thought I had let him go a long time ago. Obviously the universe thinks differently and I need to let go of him a little bit more.

He left a message on my answering when I was planning my wedding 12 years ago, but I didnt call him back. I didn’t even listen to it a second time. There’s no room for an ex boyfriend when you’re planning your wedding.

Sometimes I wished I would have called back. Our relationship didn’t end well. I was two years older and after I graduated I started to work a full time job on second shift. He went to school during the day. He was a junior in high school and wanted to hang out with his friends. I wanted to go to the bar. He found a girlfriend his age and we broke up.

At 55 what could I.possibly need to.let go.of?

Duh!

Hurt. Anger. Unspoken words. Confusion. Longing.

In my mind I see myself cutting thick cords that have his name on that are still attached to me with a bolt cutters.

Maybe I am more attached to him than I realize. Maybe I didn’t let him go as much as I thought I did.

For the drawing I chose the lyrics from Seperate Ways by Journey to be in the background.

If he ever hurts you.

True love won’t desert you

You know I still love you

Even though we touched and went our seperate ways.

For me these words are truth.

It’s so weird how a pandic can bring up so much crap from the past.

Is this happening to everyone or just me?

I hope everyone so as a whole we are not letting the past rule our future and we can be clearer visioned individuals leading with love and kindness.

I’m going to keep drawing and dealing with whatever comes up while, hopefully, becoming a better person.

I look at it as a gift from the universe.