I Want To Matter

I want my opinion to matter.

I want my feelings to matter.

I want who I am to matter.

I want what I think to matter.

I want my insecurities to matter.

I want my self to matter.

I want my anger to matter.

I want my happiness to matter.

I want what and who I love to matter.

I want what I say to matter.

I want what angers me and disappoints me to matter.

I want the simpliest things to matter.

I want the things that are the hardest things to talk about to matter.

I want the parts of me that are hidden to matter.

I want my tears to matter.

I want what I scream from the rooftops to matter.

I want what I whisper in the middle of the night to matter.

I want every part of who I am to matter.

In the last couple of weeks it feels like I’m cracking open and a new self is emerging. She’s bolder, stronger and more badass than I have ever been.

I’ve been pretty quiet in my relationships and kept a lot inside and dealt with a lot of stuff by myself. Probably because emotions weren’t talked about in my house while growing up and I have carried that through my adult life.

This new me wants her emotions and other things acknowledged and heard. I don’t know how this is going to affect my relationships, but I need to be honest about who I am. I can’t ignore this part of myself anymore.

I’m going to go slow and try to explain myself the best I can. I’m not going to apologize for who I am or what I want. This is the new me.

The more I deal with my past the more I know what I want and need for my future.

Pretty cool eh?

I’m done with writing my anger pages. I think I’m going to let go of my fear next.

Who knows what issues that will bring to the surface, but I’m not worried.

I got this!