About 10 months ago Cynthia from Making Peace With The Wrong Side Of 40 wrote about how she was done putting up with people’s crap in her blog post titled It Ends Today.
At the end of her post she asked if anyone wanted to join her. Duh? Does she even have to ask? Of course I would join her.
For whatever reason I didn’t post my answer because I found notes and a half written post on a sheet of paper in a pile of papers when I was going through notes for my novel.
I’m going to finish it today.
In the last couple of weeks I have been thinking about how I want to be treated a lot lately.
Here’s what I am done with:
People who don’t respect me but think I should respect them.
People who don’t encourage me or support me to be the best person I can be.
People who want me to do what they want me to do but don’t care about what I want to do.
People who put my interests last
People aren’t honest with me.
People who don’t make time for me.
People who don’t bring me joy.
People who don’t make me happy/laugh.
People who don’t encourage me change and grow.
Being nice to people who aren’t nice to me.
Giving my time to people who don’t give me theirs.
Helping people who don’t help me.
Looking out for people’s well being that dont give a shit about mine
Being sympathetic to people who would rather sit in their own shit than grow and change to make their lives better.
There. I feel better.
Menopause has woken up a part of me that has been sleeping for a long time. I don’t put up with people’s crap anymore.
Since reading her post I have realized that I have kept some of my needs and wants inside for too long. Not talking about them or owning them or even realizing they were there.
I rarely talk about what I need or want. I put everyone else before me. Work. My husband.
I can’t do it anymore. I can’t hide because my wants and needs matter. They are important to me and they deserve a voice.
But the problem I’m having is how do I tell people what I want and need matter after keeping it quiet for so long?
For example: my husband and I are fighting. He doesn’t express anger on the day it happened instead he holds it all in for who knows how many instances and something little happens six months later and he goes off.
Usually it’s not a big deal. I give him a couple days too cool down and every goes back to normal. I’ve suggested counseling to deal with the source of his anger and find out what his trigger points are but he won’t go.
This time it was a big deal deal. After it happened I just shut down. I havent spoken to him. I was having a hard time putting a finger on way I was so angry. That’s not like me at all and I was having a hard time dealing with it.
What it boils down to is I need him to treat me better when he is angry. He needs to express his anger me on the day he is mad. He needs to own his anger and deal with it and stop carrying it around.
After 16 years this is the first time I have been able to put this into words. What I need from you is….
I feel I’m in the cacoon stage of finding out who I really am. What I want to do and how I feel among other things. I’m not ready to fly yet but I’m totally ready to let the Caterpillar part of myself go.
I took the day off today to let things settle and go exploring. There’s a library I want to check out. I’m going to go to a design center where they make toilets and bathtubs. Their showroom is amazing. I’m going to go to some cute little shops I love. I’m going to eat food I love.
I’m going to pamper myself today.
And then I might call my husband and start to explain why I shut down. It’s going to be a long conversation. I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready for that today but I’ll try.
I dont know how he will react but I’ll try. I’m not backing down. I’m not sugarcoating it. I’m just going to speak from my heart and let him know how i feel. This is what I want and need. This is how I expect to me treated.
This is the new me. Take it or leave it.