I dont know what happened yesterday but my post published when I answered my cell phone. I’m typing this post on my phone so hopefully it wont happen again.
I put my bears on the table so I could see what I had. I wanted to feel the emotions that came to the surface, remember the memories, and remember why I bought them in the first place.
I started my collection while shopping with my best friend, Mel, over twenty years ago. I fell in love with them the first time I saw them. I would buy a bear every now and then when we shopped. I loved them. I pictured these bears all over my house. When I had a house
After I had the bears out for a couple of days I realized that I didn’t love half of them. I love the christms bears, but not so much the winter ones. I’ll probably keep the little ornments. Not sure about the other ones.
The reasons why the bears mean so much to me is because of the memories with Mel. Mel passed away over 10 years ago. Cancer. It started with breast, then lung and then brain. She fought hard but couldn’t beat it. She fought for 7 years. What a trooper. Even though she was 15 years older than me she was my best friend. We worked together and played together. She was my 2nd mom. Every bear reminds me of her and our time spent together.
She would be first one to tell me not to keep things she bought me or I bought for myself if I don’t like or need them any longer.
I know, Mel. I know.
I didn’t realize bringing out the bears and writing this post would bring up so much emotion. As I write this tears run down my face. I miss her so much. She was my best friend. My mentor on how to let go and have fun. She was my co worker. She was a wonderful person and I am definately a better person for knowing her.
Am I keeping the bears because of her memories? Yes. Not good. I have pics and hand written notes from her. I really dont need all the bears. The notes are more important to me and a lot easier to store.
Some of the bears must go.
What I have come to know is that if I need to remember something the universe will help me. Maybe its hearing an old song or a phrase someone says or talking with someone that will remind me of an old memory or what I need to remember.
Keeping the bears is selfish and stagnant. It keeps me from growing and changing. It keeps me from letting go and moving forward.
I think another reason why I hang onto them is because of the money I stuck into buying them. I spent about two or three hundred dollars on the Christmas bears. Can I recoup that money? Probably not.
I know. That’s not the issue.
It’s going to take while to figure out what do with them. I want them to go to a good home. I want someone to love them as much as I did. This will take time.
Until then I will keep them in my curio cabinet and remember the good times and how lucky I was to a best friend like Mel.