May Anthony and Kate Rest In Peace

I just learned of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade’s suicides over the past weekend and I am shocked.

Why?

I guess what I don’t understand is why.  How can someone be that depressed that they don’t want to live anymore?  I can honestly say that I have never had suicidal thoughts.  I have to admit I live a charmed life.  I am happy go lucky.  I look at the positive side of life.  I believe that God doesn’t give me anything I can’t handle.  I am lucky.

I don’t know the other side of the coin.

Two girls (one of them was her best friend) my niece hung around with killed themselves.  They were 13 and 15.  We were worried that my niece would follow suit.  She has had so many people die in her short 16 years.  Both grandfathers, a favorite uncle, a cousin (by suicide), three dogs, numerous cats and other people.  Today she is on solid ground.

Or is she?  She seemed to be this weekend.  We had a really great time this weekend, but I worry about her.

We never know, do we?

I loved watching Bourdain’s show and learning about different countries.  I loved Kate Spade’s handbags.  I would have never thought they would commit suicide.  WTF???? I thought they had it made.  That shows you how much I know.  The news shakes me to my core.

I am in shock.

How do we know?  I don’t see my niece a lot, but I try to text her every other day.  Whenever I hear “our” song I text her.  Oooh   Oooh  Shut up and dance with me.  (Lyrics from our song).  She asked me why I text her the lyrics.  I told her to let her know I’m thinking about her and that I love her.  Now she texts me when she hears our song.  I text her words of encouragement and thoughts for the day.

She has really came out of her shell in the last couple of months.  She’s isn’t so afraid to talk to people and ask for what she needs.  She has really matured.  She seems happier.  More outgoing and enjoying her teen years.  She’s even going to school functions.

But after hearing about Anthony and Kate maybe I am wrong.  Maybe she’s feeling the way they maybe felt and I just don’t see it.

My brother’s friend, Keith, committed suicide when they were in high school.  My brother took me to his grave a couple days after the funeral.  I cried and I cried.  There were flowers and pictures and balloons on a his grave.  I could see how much he was loved and how many people cared about him.  I always wondered if he saw it and if not why?  I was so apparent to me.  Maybe it wasn’t to him.  That’s what I don’t understand.  Why couldn’t he see it if I could?

I know I am rambling (and thanks for reading my ramble), but I realize now that I really don’t know anything.  Do we really know anyone or the pain they are feeling?  We may think we do, but do we really?

I have a lot to learn.  About my niece and about suicide in general.

My heart goes out to Anthony’s and Kate’s family and friends.  My heart breaks for them.

Rest in peace Anthony and Kate.  I won’t forget you.