Being My Own Best Friend

“Be nice to Tim.”  One of my coworkers told me today.

Screw that, I thought to myself.

The problem with Tim is that I’ve known him for 25 years.  I stopped hanging around with him 23 years ago because he was immature, nothing was his fault, he didn’t have to work @ work, but everyone else did and he wanted everyone to feel sorry for him. He was a big baby.  Fast forward 23 years years and he’s still the immature person he back then (which drives me crazy) and I have to work with him.

Before he transferred to my department I told my boss about the issues I had with him.  For example, wandering aimlessly around the building to waste time, saying stupid comments and showing inappropriate pictures of 1/2 naked men to me on his phone during break.  She listened and then he started working in my department two days later.

As I working today I was thinking about how I would never have him as a friend again outside of work.  I’m on a different level than he is.  It doesn’t mean I’m better than he is.  Just more mature.  I have a different work ethic than he does.  He comes to work to talk.  I come to work to work.  He is the king of looking busy but doing nothing.

I don’t have a lot of close girl friends.  I do a lot of things with my mom, my sister and my brother.  I do things with some of my sister in laws.  I am friends with some of my coworkers, but not really outside of work.  We may text once in awhile outside of work and go out for appetizers after work or sometimes out for lunch, but I spend most of my weekends with my husband.

If I were looking for a friend what traits would I be looking for?  Do I even know?  I don’t think this is something I have thought about a lot.  People think a lot about what they are looking for in a spouse, but do they really think about what qualities they want in a friend?  My friendships from my younger years consisted of people who I could trust, have a good conversation with, laugh with and have a good time with at the bar.  This criteria doesn’t apply anymore.  My bar days are long gone.  I’d rather stay home.

I would want someone who has my back.  Who will keep my secrets.  Who will make time for me.  Who will be there for me in thick and thin.  Who has my best interests at heart.  Who will love me for who I am and will always be in my corner.  Who will cheer me on and give me a shoulder to cry on when I need it.  Who will pick up the phone when I call.  Who will read my writing and give me an honest critique even if she has to tell me it sucks.    Who will encourage me to be the best person I can be.  Who will push me when I need to be pushed.  Who will encourage me to try new things and get out of my comfort zone.

A couple of years ago I gave up a friendship that I have had since grade school.  She lived across the street from my parents house while we were growing up.  She has lived out of state since high school and we kept in touch.  The problem with the friendship is that I wasn’t getting what I wanted.  I was always last.  Every time she came to town I got the leftover time slots that her family didn’t want.  I wanted a friend that I could talk and laugh with while we talked on the phone once in awhile.  I wanted to hear a voice.  Her voice.   She didn’t want that.  She wanted to communicate through email and then Facebook.  I wanted a phone call when something important happened in her life.  She wanted to post the occasion on Facebook and I was suppose to type my answer.  I didn’t feel it was a friendship.  I didn’t felt like I mattered to her.  I didn’t feel I would be missing anything if I did end the friendship and I was right. I’m not missing anything.  She always told me how important our friendship was to her, but after I ended it there has been times that she was in town and she hasn’t knocked on my door once.  If I was that important wouldn’t she come over when she was in town and try to  reconnect with me?  You would think so.  I have realized that she’s all talk and no action.

I guess I’m too old to put up with people’s crap anymore.  I want a friendship that makes me a better person.   That makes me think about things in new ways.  That wants and encourages me to grow and change and become the person I am meant to become.  That encourages me to work through my issues while she works through hers.  That encourages me to follow my heart and sing my own song and do what I love.

As I am typing this I realize that I haven’t been a very good friend to myself and the things that I want in a friendship are maybe the things I should be giving myself and the way I should be treating myself.  Maybe my inner self is trying to teach me something.

Maybe I need to be my own best friend.