My husband and I have fighting lately. Partly because I don’t think my needs are being met.
I’ve been so busy making sure he gets what he needs done, I’ve ignored myself.
But, the thing I realized today as I write in my journal, is I’m not even sure I know what my needs are.
What do I need to make my mind, body and soul happy and fulfilled?
I know there’s excercise and eating healthy. Getting enough sleep. This is an everyday thing.
But what about on a daily basis? I think it changes. Since I’m been writing in my journal every day, I’ve been hearing or feeling little inklings. For example, I would like to sleep a little longer today or I would like to color today for fifteen minites.
I’ve been trying listening to myself more and be open to what my life and body are telling me.
It’s been weird putting myself first.
I keep asking myself the same question over and over again.
How in the hell did I get so far away from myself and what I want and need?
I’m embarrassed to admit this. It’s really sad at 54 to realize I’ve been putting someone else’s needs and wants before my own and putting myself last. It makes me angry, too.
I say my needs aren’t being met, but it’s been hard to put into words what those needs are.
At first, I was mad at my husband for not giving me what I need. Then I was mad at myself for not knowing.
That’s what I have been thinking about lately. What I need. What I want. I have to admit it seems kind of selfish but it’s also been fun.
I’m getting to know myself again and you know what I’ve learned?
I’m really something special!