Saturday Morning

I worked last Saturday from 11 am to 4 pm.  I love working on Saturday because I have time to think.  There isn’t a lot of people work.  I can work by myself and not have to talk to many people.

One of my coworkers was sitting at a table alone labeling.  I didn’t want her to come over and sit at my table so I put a bunch of stuff on that side of the table to pretend I had a lot of stuff to get done.

I didn’t want to talk to anyone or look at anyone.  I just wanted to be left alone.   I wanted to think about some chapter issues that I was having with my novel and decide on some character traits of a character in a menopause romance short story I am working on.  These issues have been dancing around in my head and Saturday was the perfect time to think about them.

Later on I was thinking about what I would say if she came over and asked if she could sit by me.  I would tell her that it was nothing personal but I didn’t want her to sit by me because I wanted to be alone.  Would I hurt her feelings?  Probably.

Why am I hurting her feelings by telling her what I need?  I am being honest.  This is what I needed at the time.  I need to be alone.  I could tell her that I would talk to her on Monday or maybe later when I feel like talking but right now I needed to be alone.

I was taught to be nice to people.  To put their needs above mine and not to hurt their feelings.

This shit needs to stop.

I will always try to be nice to people, but I need to stop putting people’s needs above mine.  I need to put myself first, but how do I get past all of the ingrained stuff in my head?  All of the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?

I’ve got to take it day by day.  One learning experience at a time.  And find what works for me.

I know I’m on the right path.  I just need to keep moving forward.

Any words of wisdom would be welcome.

 

7 thoughts on “Saturday Morning”

  1. I get it. People used to talk to me all the time at work when I was in the middle of doing something, and it drove me nuts. Sounds like you handled it pretty well by seeming to be too busy to talk. It’s nice to assert yourself, but you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

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