Last week I was wondering why I felt sad, helpless and like no one listened.
I haven’t felt like this in a long time. It really bothered me.
I realized yesterday that the bullshit my exboss put us through last week and the last four months had brought up issues from my past.
I thought yesterday they would have a meeting letting us know what happened and how we were going to proceed forward.
No meeting and management acting like something traumatic didn’t happen.
But it did. It was traumatic for every person. Each in there own way.
These last four months brought up issues from my childhood.
As a kid I knew things, but I was told to act like I didn’t. Don’t acknowledge your feelings. Don’t talk about things. Pretend it didn’t happen because we don’t talk about things.
Sometimes I feel like my workplace is sometimes like my childhood home.
I had thoughts and feelings. I wanted to talk about things with management; but I didn’t feel I could.
So I kept quiet.
My inner child was going crazy yesterday. She and I were letting all of the stuff from the past go.
In my head I held her as we rocked. We talked and cried. We let out a lot of emotion. She reminded me of stuff I forgot and that needed to be healed
I didn’t realize I was carrying all of that old stuff around.
I think one of the reasons i work there because it is safe and there is a sense of comfort.
What scares me and saddens me the most is that the company I work for thinks this is ok.
No explanations. No guidance.
But I’m used to it.
Is it asking too much to want/expect more from my employer?
I want more. I want open communication. I want to know that I matter and what I am feeling matter.
I have things to think about tonight. I feel raw and open
As we evolve shouldn’t the company elvolve?
As people as work talk/gossip about what happened I choose to look inward to heal myself. There are 3 people I talk about what happened with. I know we need to talk to heal.
I think its terrible that they didn’t acknowledge us as human beings and that something traumatic happened.
I matter.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate it and you.
Chrissy's Fab 50's 