Yesterdays Meltdown

Yes, I had a meltdown yesterday. I could feel it coming on when I woke up. I was tired and crabby. I was a slow moving vehicle. I had a filling replaced at the dentist in the morning. I was agitated which is normally not like me. It was a simple filling. Nothing to get agitated about. Even my blood pressure was up.

And then I got to work. Irratating things that normally I can push to the side bothered me. I mean BOTHERED me. I was making stupid mistakes.

I knew I had to leave or get written up and/or possibly a three day for shooting off my mouth.

I normally don’t do this. Go home without pay to get a couple hours to myself. To relax. To recoup. To hide from the world. Usually would stick it out.

Something told me to go home and take care of myself. Intuition. It was just something I knew I had to do for me.

I felt guilty for wanting to leave and take care of myself. I should be at work working. Taking care of the companies needs and not my own.

I’m kinda embarrased about my meltdown in my post yesterday. Normally I ponder things for a day or two before I hit publish. Not yesterday. My post was full of raw emotion.

I’m glad I had a meltdown because it brought stuff to the surface I know I have to deal with. Obviously there are things inside of me the want/need to come out and be heard. There was no denying that yesterday.

And I need to develop a self care routine. Obviously I need more time with myself. I thought this would happen after we moved in. I was wrong.

I finished all my appointments for a while so hopefully I will have time to go for a walk next week. This is what I would love to do next. Walk and see my cows. And work on my novel.

Work was way better today. I was way better today. Going home last night really helped.

Maybe I will have to do it again sometime.