My coworker, K, is mad at me because I moved to a different lunch table on Friday. I moved because I don’t like the guy she invited to sit at our lunch table. I told her earlier that afternoon that I was moving and why and she said she was ok with it, but that changed after it happened.
I don’t like this male coworker for many reasons. I’m going to call him A. A is rude. He has temper tantrums and throws stuff. He ignores people when they try to talk to him. He never smiles. He isn’t happy. He and I just don’t get along and I’m ok with that.
The thing you have to understand about K is that she loves people like this. We call her “the leader of the misfit toys”. She attracts people no one else likes because she loves to help people. That’s a wonderful trait to have, but when no one else likes the people you attract and doesn’t want to be around them don’t you see it as a red flag and ask yourself why. Not K. She loves to be needed.
Not me. I don’t want or need that kind of person in my life. I’ve been fortunate enough not to have to work with him. In my 22 years at my job I’ve never had to interact with him and I would like to keep it that way.
K thinks I’m being rude and defends him and his behavior. Her excuses are highlighted. My responses aren’t.
“He’s just lonely.” I don’t care. Doesn’t he get that he’s lonely because he treats people like crap?
“He had a bad childhood.” He’s 62 years old. He’s had plenty of time to grow and change. He’s not changed at all. He’s still the same asshole as when I started working there. We get five free counseling sessions a year. Maybe he should try using them to become a better person.
“Maybe you should try to get along with him” What? Why? That’s never going to happen. That would be a total waste of my time.
“He’s only at our table ten or fifteen minutes” I don’t care. In my eyes that is ten or fifteen minutes too long.
I only have a half hour for lunch. Why would I spend it with someone I don’t like? My half hour is my time. I’m off of the clock. I’m too old to put up with other people’s crap.
Why should I sit with him if he brings nothing to the table.? I know this is a really harsh way of looking at things, but this is where I am at in life right now. He doesn’t make me smile. He doesn’t make me laugh. I don’t feel I can have an intelligent conversation with him. He doesn’t make me a better person. He doesn’t make me feel better. He’s not a joy to be around. I don’t enjoy spending time with him.
This is the conclusion I came up with. Maybe I’m being mean. Maybe I’m being a bitch. What’s ten minutes a day? What it boils down to is I don’t want to be around or have people in my life that don’t bring me joy. Even if it is for ten minutes a day. I know in a ten hour day fifteen minutes is a little chunk of time
But is it? That attitude. That negativity seeps into your psyche. It seeps into your soul. It makes you negative without you even know your negative and why. I try to protect myself from people like that.
It’s my time. It’s my lunch hour. It’s my choice.
And I choose not to sit with him.
Chrissy's Fab 50's 
Wow, I get that. I work with instructors and some I like and some begin to be very negative about everything. The same with teachers and it is an easy trap to fall into. I experienced it in the public school district also. The best thing is to be alone if it happens. Sometimes being in your space is for survival mode.
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Very true. Thanks for sharing that.
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Yes, negativity is draining. It can be lonely to be alone in a work situation but sometimes that is the best thing to do. I hated the politics of the school district. But ultimately, I survived it by being alone with a few friends.
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Good for you. Healthy boundaries keep us sane! He has a mental problem.
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Thank you. I think he has many. Thanks for reading and commenting
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I totally relate to this post! I’ve been both of you in many situations. There’s a woman in my building who I talk to, and my friend thinks I’m crazy. But I feel bad cause she’s lonely. But then there are people I avoid like the plague…
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I think everyone has that one person that we take under our wing because we feel bad. He’s just not my one. 😊
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There is absolutely zero reason for you to feel bad about not wanting to have to spend even a minute of your time around someone you don’t like when you have a choice about it. Anyone that attempts to make you feel bad about your choice is the one with the problem, not you. I have made it my priority over the last several years to remove as much negativity from my life as I could and I am a much happier and, I’d like to think, a better person because of it. I’m less likely to snap at someone because I’m in a crappy mood when I don’t have to deal with that kind of crap. Everyone around me is happier as well, so this isn’t an entirely selfish thing. Good for you for taking a stand for what is important to you.
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thanks. I agree. I always appreciate your viewpoint.
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Dude, I wouldn’t sit with him either
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Your mind seems made up, so go with it.
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😊
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Lol he doesn’t sound like a pleasant person and I wouldn’t like to sit by him either.
This actually brings back high school memories when I used to be stuck in such a predicament too haha.
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I know. My thoughts went back to high school too.
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I so agree. Life’s too short to waste it on negative energy. Grab yourself a book and tell your ex-table mate you’ve decided to read during lunch. And stick to it. You go girl!
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